I'm Powerless To Stop It

The power. The power is out in my apartment. It went out yesterday when I tried to plug a power strip in. I know not to do that anymore. I can't find Mr. Lee to come and fix it and there's no breaker box or anything anywhere. I looked up and down the inside and outside of that durn place. Nothing. So, on the positive side it's been coaxing me out of my apartment more.

Last night, I met up with some other teachers downtown and I had my taste of the downtown expat community. That place is nuts! The whole downtown area is lit up and is reminiscent of New Orleans, only awesomer. That's right, it's more awesometastic than New Orleans' French Quarter. Totally different kind of culture, but same feeling.

As an appetizer, we hit up WaBar and I actually got a Sam Adams. Oh, Sam. How I missed a halfway decent beer. Our original plan was to go to Who's Bob? for some beer Olympics, but when we went, we decided not to sign up and just gathered the troops to find somewhere else to sit and talk and drink. We found some place that apparently had a really bangin' bathroom, but they only allowed the women folk into it. I was told it had a 360 mirror view and the toilet was up some stairs like it was actually a throne. We ended the night at some other Western bar and eventually I stumbled home. I'm paying for it today.

This morning, I went to Saemun Market, a couple of blocks away from my powerless residence. It was totally like the open air Asian markets you see in the movies: fish on tables, chickens in cages, cheap clothes, fabrics, the works (a rooster crowed at me. Is that bad luck or anything?). And, it's several floors. There's even an area underground (I think it would have been more ironic if the underground market was actually an underground market). It's funny because back home the flea markets always have that crazy Mexican polka playing somewhere. Here, I swore I heard that same polka and some people speaking Spanish. I was clearly hallucinating, but it provided a little taste of home halfway across the world. I went stupidly thinking it was a more Western style department store place, as I was looking for some housewares. I am still looking for housewares. I guess I'll go down to the Dong-a Department Store where the grocery store is and have a look around there.

Peace and the chicken grease, folks.

The Continuing Adventures of Riceman Holcomb

Danger! Danger, Will Robinson! Extremely long post ahead!

I apologize because my next few posts will probably not include pictures due to the lack of internet at my apartment, so I have to make up for it by being verbose. Sucks for you. I am currently sharing a PC bang with a bunch of Korean kids playing all sorts of various computer games and growing visibly older while I watch. It's like an arcade in here.

Yesterday was the final final day of orientation, wherein we were rushed around to eventually leave for our respective provinces/cities. We were excited to find out where we would be spending the next year of our lives, but it was bittersweet. We had to say goodbye to the friends we had made over the past week. Luckily, we have each others' facebook pages and we can easily hit each other up if we want to travel around Korea and party.

In the morning, I found out my placement: Namsan Elementary school in Dong-bu, Daegu. I had originally requested high school as my first choice, but as orientation wore on and we learned more about the education system, elementary school was growing on me. I was secretly glad to be placed there. There is more structure (you guys know me and structure), and a lot more simple things that they need to learn. Plus, smaller kids are easier to punt than teenagers. I'm ready for it on Tuesday. I hope they have the uprights on the playground.

The 3 and 1/2 hour long bus ride was mostly silent. I sat next to Siamek from Vancouver. Swell guy. When we finally got to the Daegu Ministry of Education (I think?), we were shoveled into a classroom of sorts where we got our final lecture: what we, as Daegu specific teachers, were expected to do. Our questions were answered, and nervously we all went down to the level below to meet our co-teachers by region. I was told my region, Dong-bu, was out in the suburbs and I would be doing nothing out there except hiking to temples and talking to old, Korean sages about mysticism and incense. 20 minute bus rides to anywhere decent in town. Lots of flora. Boy, were they wrong. Suckers!

My co-teacher is very nice and quite helpful. She had a driver with her, as she has no car. Her driver, I soon learned, is the administrative person of the school. I am surprised she hasn't died in a car accident yet. By the time we got to my school, she had gone the wrong way down more than one one-way street, and she cut people off left and right, never looking where she was merging. The thing is, the school was literally within walking distance from the Ministry of Education, so the fact that she committed so many traffic faux pas is a feat in itself.

When we entered the school, I met my principal. I sat in a short meeting wherein everyone spoke rapid Korean and I stared at the paintings on the Principal's office wall. They were reminiscent of a C.M. Coolidge work, only with musical instruments instead of dogs. We abruptly left school and were whisked away to my new apartment. This was the moment of truth. Our driver went the wrong way down one last one-way street and we were there. I'd say that it would take shorter to walk to my apartment from school than to drive there. It is literally a five minute walk. Blessed be the day! No commute costs! Take that, DS!

The apartment itself is kind of a funny little bird. It opens right onto the street (does that even qualify it as an apartment?), which means no stairs! Whee! The bathroom is the strangest part, I think. It smells of mold, the toilet is awkwardly placed so you can't sit comfortably on it, and the shower is, like other Korean bathrooms, just a nozzle in the middle of the room. The kicker is that my washing machine literally takes up half of my shower space. I could sit on my washer and shower simultaneously. Maybe I'll try that some time. I could also brush my teeth and shower, or be mesmerized by my stunning visage in the mirror while showering. I could probably work it so that I could take a dump and shower at the same time, too. Maybe this won't be so bad like I thought.

My co-teacher took me out to go shopping, so that I could learn where the nearest "essentials" grocery store is. It's in a department store. A department store with groceries. How fricking convenient! When we returned with my new victuals, someone was in my apartment. I was about to floor a bitch, but I soon learned it was my landlord, Mr. Lee. His name is easy to remember. He was putting some final touches on my interior walls and cleaning a bit. He even got me a desk, free of charge. He mentioned that he was Christian pretty early on, so I'm guessing he's hardcore about it. The thing is, though, that he's not a "push it in your face" kind (maybe because he can't speak English and I can't speak Korean. Lucky me if that's the case). He was really nice, but abruptly left to go to church on a Friday night. Very devout, I'd say.

Just as abruptly (seems like a running theme for the day), my co-teacher left as it was approaching 8 PM. I got several thank-yous in before she closed the door, and soon I was on my own. I couldn't figure out the stove, so I opted to go find some Western food. Well, that didn't work. Everything Western sounding turned out to be a coffee shop. So, I found a 7-11 and bought some snacks and walked back. I ended up eating some of my groceries for dinner and staying in, turning in somewhat early.

I slept until 10 AM. I needed it. This morning, I figured out how to work the stove, but my life is still not functioning properly. I also found some bearings and some maps that show some important things around me. I need to do some shopping for home items and there is a market for that close by. What a day, what a day. I suppose I should unpack some time.

Oh, and I haven't forgotten about that Korean Folk Village and Icheon Ceramics, but I can't tell you all about it until I get the internets in my apartment and can upload pictures.

The Orientation Shuffle

Now that I've been at orientation for a week, I've gotten into a groove. The mornings consist of begrudgingly leaving bed at around 7 A.M. for breakfast and morning routine. Everyone knows everyone or at least has a large contingency of fellow EPIK teachers, so it's not difficult to find someone to eat breakfast with. Sometimes I am too grumpy to talk, though.

We have two lectures in the mornings, which have always been helpful in giving us teaching guidance. I have learned quite a bit from them. The only thing is that they're an hour and a half long each, so it starts to drag by the end. Lunch is always disappointing for vegetarians, so I usually only have rice and salad and maybe soup for my mid-day snack. After lunch, it's two more lectures of the same variety as the morning. We then have a dinner break, which is sometimes more promising than lunch. I have to fill up here, though, so I add some bread the mix, maybe some seafood if they have it.

We then have survival Korean lessons, and they are coming in handy. I've just about figured out those pesky Korean characters (hangeul) and can use some key phrases. After Korean classes, everyone goes out to the crazy bars and the nights usually look like this:

Or this if we go noraebanging:

Oh, and here's the dreaded squatter toilet for your enjoyment. Look forward to those, those who dare come visit me: (!!!)
Notice the trashcan for toilet paper.

Well, dinner's on so I gots to go. But remind me to talk to you folks about the Korean Folk Village and the Icheon Ceramics blah-di-blah. More to come soon. Keep patient!

Orientating in the Orient

I know you guys are clamoring at the bit here for an update. I haven't had enough material/time to do a proper update. I just got done with my medical check (successful, I think. My blood pressure was really high, but a lot of peoples' were so I think it may have been the machine. I'm not convinced). So, I have a little down time before lunch/keg stand beach volleyball party (I'm kidding, Nana).

So, when I last left you, I was still at the hotel, no? Well, I made my merry way back to the airport and caught the second EPIK Orientation bus of the day, leaving at about 9:50 AM. We arrived at orientation at 11:30. The first thing we were greeted with outside our dorm building was this:

Fairly provocative for such a conservative society. But that's campus art for you. Apparently it's strange all over the world. Anyway, we got our little care package and got set up in the rooms pretty efficiently, and wouldn't you know it, the guy I sat next to on the bus ended up being my roommate. He's from Wisconsin. Nice guy.

So, we sat around and ate the rest of that day (hence no update due to lack of material and hence why I've gained 40 lbs since I've arrived) and tried to get on a proper sleeping schedule. I think it worked.

Yesterday, we kicked it off right with a boring campus tour. The campus is not that large, but it has a playground and several buildings. Part of it smells like a septic tank burst all over the street and they tried their best to clean it up, but just couldn't get rid of that smell. I dubbed it "Smelly Street." Pretty brilliant, eh?

Before dinner we had the opening ceremony. This consisted of a video which would be very useful to someone thinking of applying to become a teacher, but since we had already done that and were now in Korea, it seemed a little out of place.

I regret not bringing my camera to the ceremony, because the performance was by some Taekwondo school full of kids who could definitely kick my ass. Let me tell you, those kids hate trees. They kicked so many wood blocks in so many amazingly acrobatic ways that the air smelled like fireworks. Those kids are mother nature's worst nightmare, for sure.

A couple of the important corporate EPIK people got introduced, a few gave speeches for a while, and then we were off to have opening dinner. They had a pretty sweet spread, including a delicious cake that was served with a samurai sword. Pretty strange seeing a Korean business man serve you cake with a samurai sword. Anyway, I can't really tell you what I've been eating because I have no idea what it is. All I know is that if it looks meaty, I stay away. That's all I can do. There's some pretty interesting stuff, though. Another missed opportunity with the camera.

A group of us decided to go out for a beer (just one because we had the medical check in the morning), and we hit up the bar across the street from the university. One beer turned into countless, naturally, and I got to try soju and raspberry wine for the first time.

Soju is an interesting little drink. It's taken in shots, like vodka, but is sweeter and milder. I think the alcohol content is lower too. Raspberry wine is what you'd expect: not real wine. I'll stick to the Western style of grape wine. Anyway, I tried Hite and Cass beers, and they are as crappy as they sound. Tasted like Coors Light. Tap Koreaaaaa! Cass Light!

Anyway, we took over that bar. Those poor ajummas (middle aged Korean women) had trouble keeping up with us. Oh, and strangely, when you sit at the table they bring you free food to snack on (to keep drinking). They brought us popcorn and two fried eggs. Two fried eggs, what? Nobody touched them.

It was suggested that we hit up a noraebang (karaoke bar), and luckily there was one right next door. This British guy and I tore up a number of tunes while others clapped on and shook a tambourine. Yes, they provide tambourines in each room. No, I didn't hog the mic and/or tambourines all night...just most of it. It was a pretty random night. Oh, and I'll provide a picture of the squatter toilets soon. They're everywhere. I haven't tried one yet though. I'm a little reluctant to do so, especially because there's no toilet paper in there. How do they wipe? I don't get it.

It's real cold here, too. That wind is bitter and unforgiving.

Flying

Well, it's 4:30 in the morning and I'm still on Pacific time, so I woke up earlier than expected. I guess that still gives me six hours of sleep. Anyway, since I have a couple of hours before I have to go catch a shuttle to orientation, I thought I would update you folks about the flight over.

San Francisco from the air:

Ahem, Korean Air is probably the best airline I have flown with yet. That's a good thing because it is by far the longest flight I have taken, so spending it in misery would probably fall under the torture category in the Geneva Convention. There are a few reasons why it was a great flight. First, was chance:

This was my seat. It may not look special, but it was in the very back row of the very back of the plane, and the seat next to it was the only one next to it. There weren't no three seats for this fella. The kicker is that the seat next to me was empty. And I was inches from a toilet. How can you beat it?

I'm glad you asked. You can beat it by inserting flight attendants (stewardesses) who come by with a refill of your wine glass every 15 minutes. On top of that, you get tons of movies to choose from and can watch them whenever you want on the biggest chair back screen I've seen yet.

Now before you get too jealous, let me inform you that my luck did run out around three hours into the flight. After serving dinner and wine for those three hours, they created their own sun schedule and had everyone turn out the lights and pull down the window covers. This was for 5 or so hours so we could simulate traveling into tomorrow over the International Date Line (does that sound like a sleazy phone dating service to anyone else?). At the beginning of this is when they stopped serving the wine and I tried to catch a nap. In that lull between awake and asleep, some old Korean guy came and sat down in the empty seat next to mine, even though his former seat had an empty one next to him and he was on the aisle...pretty ideal if you ask me. I did not get a nap that day.

So, of course he sat there for the rest of the flight. I didn't get miffed though, instead I burned through The Informant!, Where the Wild Things Are, The Burning Plain, and Public Enemies and still had 4 hours of doing other things. Pretty long flight, and it was weird to have it take place entirely in daylight.

So, after the five hour "sleep" period, everyone woke up (probably including the flight attendants [stewardesses]) and we got served OJ and bananas. Korean man snorted and coughed for a while, and here's Siberian Russia:
I'm thinking of buying a summer home there. It's only a hop skip and a jump from there to Korea land. Anyway, Incheon Airport is huge. I think it takes at least 15 minutes to walk from end to end of the main terminal (talking width of the airport exit area here). Pretty massive. It took me a while to orient myself (pun halfway intended). When I finally did, I realized that most things were in English, sometimes even before Korean. "Krazee Burger" and "Paris Baguette" were only in English. I got some money out after a somewhat confusing ATM experience, and it seems the largest bills they have are the 10,000 won note.

This sounds like a lot of money, but it's about equal to $10. Imagine carrying 30 of those puppies in your wallet. Mine would hardly close. I had to get rid of them somehow. Aha! Overpriced hotel!

I'm just kidding. The hotel was actually very well priced for what I've gotten. Currently I am in a silk robe thing. It's not a robe as we know it. It's a robe in two parts: the shirty vesty thing and the skirt. Yes, I am wearing a skirt. And even with that extra breeze, it is really damn hot in here. They heat the floors instead of the air in the room. It sounds like the rest of the room would be cold, but boy does that system work. My feet are burning, my luggage is cooking, and I'm sweating. This hotel room is a challenge to use because everything is done with a button. Those buttons add up, and they're all in Korean so I'm afraid I'll accidentally call the fire department instead of turning down the heat. I don't even want to touch the coffee maker.

Listen, if I don't update for a while, it's because I got sucked into the bathtub. Jajeon-geo for now!

Greetings From Tomorrow-Land!

It's gonna be quick, but I just wanted everyone concerned to know that I arrived in Korea a few hours ago safely. I am in a very nice, yet inexpensive hotel (go standard of living increase!). I am, however, exhausted, so I am going to go to bed...hungry. I don't know how to eat here! There's kind of nothing around this hotel, yet it has at least 5 stories and is pretty classy. Check it:

Ok, well of course that doesn't do it justice, but let's just say this place is so nice that I don't know how to use the sink so I've had to do all of my sink duties in the bathtub (it has jets). Oh, and I haven't figured out whether the toilet accepts paper or not (some in Korea do not) and there is a trash can by the toilet, so who knows? I guess I'll find out later!

Proper update soon.

Final U.S. Post

Don't freak out, guys. This is my last U.S. post. I got this, though. I'm gonna make it just fine. Don't cry for me, Argentina. Jesus, Argentina always was a crybaby.

Anyway, I didn't update about yesterday. We finally got into the city (the city being San Francisco. The Frisco. SF. San Fran). Our first stop was Treasure Island, named after the novel by Adlai Stevenson (alias Robert Louis). Recognize this?::::

No? Ok, how about now?::::
No, Treasure Island was not a Nazi stronghold during the war, it was a naval base full of asbestos and uranium and later the place of an exterior establishing shot for Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and later still a former Naval base full of asbestos and uranium. Eat it, Lucas! We figured out your nefarious plans to destroy San Francisco with uranium enriched asbestos!

So, after we discovered George Lucas' jowls of evil, we went to the de Young Museum, where the King Tut exhibit was on display. I don't know if I've ever seen so much gold outside of the Vatican. Unfortunately, they don't allow pictures in there or I would have gotten some for you folks. All two or three of yas. Crazy intricate carvings and inlay work. Anyway, they buried kings in tombs fit for kings.

The rest of the museum (the American art portion, anyway) was equally fascinating. Perhaps I just have a soft spot for art. Now tell me this painting doesn't look real. Seriously, when I came into the room it was displayed in, I thought it was actually sticking out of the wall. Does that make me gullible?
Also, this is made of glass:

And on the opposite end of the spectrum, this is made entirely from guns and ammo:
And this was made solely from dollar bills:

After dealing with the parking traffic, which seems to be the common problem in the Bay area, we hit Alamo Square, which you 80s children may recognize:



What got me is how crowded the park was. Full of young vibrancy. I would hate to live in one of those houses, always having young vibrancy staring at you while you're changing or on the phone or doing your laundry. On top of which, I bet those houses go for millions each. What the hell?

So, we went to a great Italian place called "Firenze by Night" for dinner. It was right by Chinatown, and the Chinese characters were making me a little nervous. At least the Pacific Ocean didn't crash into me today. How embarrassing!

I'll let you know how Korea is in a minute or two. Ciao! (Korean for...absolutely nothing.)

Ode to General Mo'

The General is gone. She had come so far. 4,000+ miles, and now she is probably scared and lonely sitting in a lot somewhere, or being transferred to a lot somewhere. Waiting to find a new owner. Or, several new owners if they take her for parts. I shudder at the thought. What a tragedy that would be.

I have had General Odyssea Trafalgar Mosby for years. Almost 4, I think. But how can you measure time spent so well together? We had always gotten along, and I knew (read: hoped to whatever pagan Gods I may or may not believe in) that she would deliver me safely to the opposite coast.

She not only succeeded in her mission, but she did it without complaint in the face of snow, mud, rain, sleet, sand, hail, sunshine, darkness, and van-loads of illegal Mexicans.

She may not have been much of a looker--missing a hubcap and a bumper panel, paint kind of peeling, driver door dented--but, by golly, did she have heart. She never buckled when we would be passing sleepy truckers in a blizzard. She never let a little sand mess up her day, or a blizzard 10 minutes later catch her with her panties down, or allow my neglect when it came to oil changes ruin her plans. She flaunted what she had and never slowed down...except when there was a hill involved. She saw probably more sights than we did on this trip.

Look at her hiding back there.

So, here's to you, General Kirkenmeyer Stanlietta Mosby. May you get everything you've ever wanted out of life. Drink the Premium octane. May the wind always be at your back, streaming past it as you fly down the highway toward your latest adventure. You adventurous girl, you.

I think a tear escaped my eye when I waved goodbye to her.

The Northsquire Bay

So, today was General Mosby's last ride. I told myself I wouldn't cry. Give me a minute to compose myself. Don't worry, that General Mosby tribute post is coming probably Monday-ish. Set your watch to it.

Today was our hiking day. Is every Sunday hiking day? You make the call. We drove across highway, city, and bay water to get to the Mount Tamalpais (pronounced Tam-ahl-peepeepoopoo-pious) State Park, which has commanding views over the San Francisco Bay area:

Gward! It never captures the majesty you see in person. Whatever.

Anyway, before visiting Mount Tam, we went to the Golden Gate overlook area to get a picture (coming Monday with the tribute) and we stumbled upon Rodeo Beach on the Pacific coast. It was very nice, and the waves were record settingly large. So large, in fact, that they caught me off guard when I was trying to just take a picture of me and the sea:
Anyway, total wipe out. My shoes were soaked the rest of the day. On the positive side, it was warm or even hot and it was February! I can't get over that, even though I've been on the West Coast for almost a week now. So warm here! Ok, I might be rubbing it in a little bit. But hey, keep in mind I'm about to embark on a foreign dignitary mission to South Korea. where the Siberian winds blow cold. I'm living it up before I get stuck in extended Winter land.

Mt. Tamalpais is a great park to go hiking in. There are so many options, because everyone else is probably stuck looking for a parking spot in Muir Woods down in the lower elevations. Thus, you can hike for quite a while without having to share the trail with some stoner loser who thinks he's the greatest thing since Kurt Vonnegut. I hated that in Virginia. Way too many Kurt Vonneguts.

Uncle Dennis and Judy cooked a wonderful Eye-talian dinner consisting of that hooker sauce (you Italians know the one), some pasta, ahi tuna, and copious amounts of wine. We watched the Olympics for a while and now I'm retiring to bed. Bye. Thanks for stopping...by. Let me know if I missed anything important. America...

Updatation #2

I suppose I should provide an updatation. I haven't been as prompt with it as I perhaps could have been, but, hey, sleep is important, too. I am still a growing (mentally, emotionally, etc) boy. Anyway, there have been some good things happening since last I updated.

So, Thursday, while all of you on the East coast were suffering in blizzard conditions, we went to visit Stanford, where Uncle Dennis's granddaughter (my first cousin, once removed) is attending. It's a beautiful campus. Really puts George Mason to shame:

Stanford's Quad:
George Mason's Quad:
Anyway, Stanford is the second largest campus in the world (behind Moscow University, which the claim of being the biggest is kind of bogus anyway) thus making biking essential. There is a sea of bikes there. I've never seen so many bikes. A biking heaven.

That evening, we went to see a play called Coming Home about a South African who, surprisingly, comes home after being away for a long time. She comes with her young son, and we learn some interesting things about her and her family along the journey throughout the play. It was, overall, well acted and well produced. Also, we got to try some authentic-esque South African cocktails during intermission. The creamy one was really good. Tasted like dessert. We also got to see a shoeless, homeless woman dancing in the street. Ah, Oakland.

Yesterday was wine tasting day in Livermore. Besides the fact that every day is wine tasting day in Livermore, it was a special day. It was my first time tasting wine in California. To me, Livermore sounds like it should be a medieval fantasy land or something. In reality, Livermore is the land of wine. There are about 40 wineries in that small area, as well as many tasting room type places in town. That's definitely a different type of atmosphere than Virginia. But still, I like it. We ended up going to four wineries, all of which had their own distinct atmosphere.

Afterward, we ran by the hill of crosses--One for every year he's gone, she says (get the Tom Waits reference? Commawn!). Actually, one for every casualty in both of our current wars:

It adds up to quite a few. Rather sobering when taken in all at once. Down the street from that is where we picked up the dungeness crabs for dinner. Quite a nice market they have there in Lafayette. Free coffee, like Trader Joe's. Can't go wrong with free coffee. I think entire states should start offering free coffee. "Hey, welcome to Wyoming. Here's a free cup of coyote pellet dark roast." I'd go for some of that.

The U.S.S. Hornet Museum

Now that I've completed my cross country road trip, there is no need to name the blog posts as such. I was done yesterday and there really are no more General Mosby posts to be made, so now I'm going to switch gears to sightseeing in the San Francisco Bay area (I'm still doing the tribute, damn you!). Today, being a first full day of not having to get into the General at all, was different.

Uncle Dennis and I had a leisurely breakfast of coffee and oatmeal before embarking on a trip to Alameda Point, where the U.S.S. Hornet Museum was located. The U.S.S. Hornet is a decommissioned aircraft carrier from WWII and beyond. Here is a picture:

Once we stepped aboard to the hangar deck, we were greeted with an exhaustive orientation that consisted of a docent pointing out everything that we could have read in the pamphlet as well as every possible bathroom location on deck. It was informative, though, and probably better information to have than not. We immediately went to the flight deck, where we were greeted with a lovely view of the San Francisco skyline as well as several airplanes from the U.S.S. Hornet's heyday, one being extremely Top Gun-esque in nature. I bet you can guess which one. Uh huh. Tom Cruise and/or Val Kilmer were as good as right next to us.

Anyway, the U.S.S. Hornet was commissioned during WW2, but was still in service for several years after, even picking up Apollo 11 from the vast ocean expanses after they landed back on Earth. There are painted footprints of Neil Armstrong's and Buzz Aldrin's and whoever the third guy was's first footsteps on Earth from landing on the moon in the hangar deck.

Now, when I say that the first docent was exhausting, I mean that in the zeitgeist, before we met our subsequent tour guide for the engine room tour. It began at 1:15, when I was already beginning to pine for lunch. What took place was the most in depth tour of an engine room you could ever imagine being led by a Chris Farley stunt double. He took an hour and a half to explain every minute detail of how the engine worked on this particular aircraft carrier. Then he explained in minute detail how the engine worked on every other aircraft carrier in the U.S. Navy, all while we were standing in a cramped engine room for a long period of time wondering when we would get the chance to have lunch. Needless to say, when we got done with the tour, we were famished and I had no desire to ever see Tommy Boy ever again.

Eventually, we hit up Pier 29 Restaurant on the "Whale's Tail" of Alameda Island, where we enjoyed a shrimp/crab sandwich. Going back to Moraga, we took a scenic route, which began with a really spectacular view of the Bay:
The pictures never capture the majesty. Oh well.

We spent the early part of the evening defining the highlights of my stay here and how we would spend our time. We got only so far, and at this point it is still up to the weather. This is not any one's fault, mind you, but just how the night progressed. Dinner was late, to reflect our late lunch, and we spent quite a good amount of time talking over wine and music as the night drew on. I think my Uncle and I got to know a little bit about each other that we had not encountered before. It's always a good thing to talk over alcohol to get a different side of a person, a more comfortable side, if you will. I know I enjoyed it.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 13

I awoke in Pismo Beach not much more refreshed than any other day on this trip. The rain forced me awake, but it luckily stopped before I was done getting ready. I hit the road running hard...ly (ooh, how do I mean that? Am I hardly running or am I just being reluctant to use an adverb?).

Today was, for all intents and purposes, the General's last ride. I am as sad as you are. Probably more sad. Perhaps I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, Rt. 1 from San Luis Obispo to Big Sur is really spectacular. In fact, (Kristen knows) it was reminiscent of upper Arizona, with hairpin turns going up and down a mountain. The only difference was that wherein Arizona you can plunge off a cliff to your death into a ravine of sharp, jagged rocks, here in California (to be said with an Austrain accent) you can plunge off a cliff to your death into the Pacific Ocean. Here's a poor example of one time when I got out to look over the edge:
Anyway, really spectacular views when you're not fearing for your life and when it's not raining (which was about 20% of my trip up Rt. 1). Also in the aforementioned span lies Hearst Castle. You all may know William Randolph Hearst as a newspaper robber baron (captain of industry!). He built a gigantic house out on the Pacific coast. It's open to the public now that he's died, all for the low low price of $24 for a tour. That being said, I didn't go. But I did get a picture of the house from really far away for all you folks to get a gander:

The visitor center is in the foreground with the castle being the little mansion on the hill. That's not even half of it. Anyway, it's huge, but I didn't go in. I don't need to pay $24 to see some dead jerk's (captain of industry!) house. So, I continued on, having an expensive lunch at Big Sur.

It's kind of weird going to some nice resort type lodge and having lunch by yourself while all the European tourists and hoity-toities chatter around you. Good people watching is what I call it.

Anyway, to sum up today, I went up the coast to San Francisco and beyond it to Moraga. The most noteworthy beach I stopped at was Seacliff(?), where the beach had a dock that had a partially sunken ship on it:
Pretty neat.

I got into Moraga a little after 6, completing General Mosby's last ride. It's a little heartbreaking, actually. She put so much into it going across the country, and now she's just about done. I am going to do a tribute to her soon. Mark it. Mark the words. I guess bookmarking the page will mark the words pretty well. I hope to see everyone bookmarking my words soon. I'll wait.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 12

Day 12 was epic.

When we awoke, Kristen called Continental to see if there was a chance of getting her flight changed, and it just so happened that there was an opening for today out of LAX. So, our morning was a bit quicker paced than originally planned and we got to experience the joys of LA traffic on the way to the airport. We planned for it though, and I got Kristen to the airport in plenty of time.

Our goodbye was succinct and effective, and with a quick hug I said goodbye to both my road trip buddy and 75% of my blog readership.

General Mosby and I trudged on out of LAX and up Rt. 1. It was a gorgeous, sunny day and I got my first glimpse of the Pacific Ocean, sort of symbolizing my completion of going across the country.

I look like such a goober in this picture.

Rt. 1 North is an exceptionally beautiful drive for the first 45 minutes into Oxnard. After that, it gets confusing and you have to begrudgingly merge onto 101 for several miles before picking 1 back up. At one point I got on a road that was supposed to be 154 West, but was obviously going East. Eventually I climbed a mountain, much to the dismay of those behind me, and was rewarded with breathtaking views of mountains and a lake that I cannot describe. Thus, here's a picture:
I have to admit, it was a little strange flying solo up to this point. But after seeing something that breathtaking and handling it well and silently, I knew I'd be ok.

Eventually, the road snaked around and was properly going West, and it turned out to be just a big crescent, as I got back onto 101 after getting off of it onto this road. I eventually meandered through wineries (not going into any, stupidly in retrospect) and ended up checking into the Motel 6 at Pismo Beach. This puts me a day early, and I will most likely end up at my Uncle's tomorrow some time. According to Google Maps, my chosen route up to Moraga will take 6.5 hours.

Let's see if I can do it in 8.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 11

Day 11 took a much more casual and social approach to the road trip. It was all Kristen's fault. Since her flight was canceled, she moved it to Tuesday out of LAX via Cleveland (shudder). This also allowed us to meet up with her friend who coincidentally happened to be in LA visiting his college friend. Thus, through 6 degrees or so, we had an inlet to stay in some strange houses while the Super Bowl was conveniently going on in the background.

Backtracking, we left Vegas fairly early, having no desire for it to suck any more money out of us...that is to say, after we had Jack In The Box for breakfast. We had the pleasure of meeting the strangest lady there. She arrived at the same time we did, and I held the door open for her, as I am wont to do for ladies (or at least females), and she declined. I shrugged and went in. While we waited for service, she entered behind us and then proceeded to walk in front of us and up to the counter. Then she ordered without even acknowledging that we were there first. She finally turned around and gave us a maniacal smile and left. Oh well, she's either crazy or unhappy. Maybe she's just standard issue for Vegas. I wouldn't be surprised.

So, we entered California (to be said in an Austrain accent), for Kristen's first time:

Arriving in LA made us excited because 1) it's a pretty cool town, associated with celebs and fake-osity and 2) we would be able to get out of the car. The house we approached was really quite nice, being Spanish style and old and all. It was owned by Tim's parents, Tim being Britt's friend.

We quickly left that dump though and headed to Tim's aunt's house, which was equally nice. This is where we watched the first half of the Super Bowl. There, Tim's aunt and uncle invited some friends over, and the man of this couple knew someone who was in Seoul currently, so I'm hoping he hooks us up. It's always nice to know people in strange lands.

For the second half (we skipped the depressing Who performance [Who?]), we went to Tim's friend's house. Here we met several other people who were all equally nice and accommodating. The game ended excellently, with a Saints win.

We had Brazilian for dinner in Little Brazil (although the LA-ites would deny that such a place exists) and eventually found a Knight's Inn and spent the evening sleeping, as one should do. Pretty relaxing and out of the ordinary day.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 10

Hurricane, Utah was left behind with a tearful goodbye. We fell in love with that small Utahian town for its subtle charms. We felt a few extra volts of electricity surging through us in that town. I think the fact that the town had a bulging, muscly arm protruding out of both its East and West borders helped it win a place in our hearts.

We entered Nevada searching for trouble, also known as the Hoover Dam. When the gas gauge sunk to perilously low, we pulled off an exit to get gas...five miles off the exit. I had never seen such brash decision making in posting a misleading sign in all my life. That's Nevada for you.

Anyway, while driving these five miles to the overly expensive Exxon station, we saw a sign that said "Hoover Dam - 89 miles." So we said, "Hey, let's just follow this mammajamma out to the damn dam," in unison kind of creepily. And what we encountered will change lives forever. A long, winding road that was sometimes mud, sometimes pavement, always boring. We finally got there though, and it was raining.

We ended up taking a tour of the power plant with a tour guide who used very interesting inflection. She was informative, though, so I got no beef. For those of you who haven't seen the short film that accompanies the power plant tour, I can sum it up for you: the Hoover Dam is man's single greatest creation since the Great Pyramids and America rocks more than anything or anyone you know or can even imagine. Take that, China. Short films don't lie.

While there, Kristen found out that her flight was canceled, so she prudently got it changed for the next closest time (Tuesday) out of the next closest stop on the trip (Los Angeles). So, it appears we will be spending a couple of days in LA until she flies out.

So, Vegas.

Luckily, we got a hotel right on the strip for around the same as what we've been paying the whole way, which is good. We walked to the MGM Grand and very quickly lost the allotted money we had set as our limit. It was almost like robbery, only legal. So, we had nothing to do until our Cirque du Soleil show at 9:30. What do you do when you're in Vegas and not gambling? Let me rephrase: what do you do when you're in Vegas and not gambling and you have higher morals/ethics than to blow your money on prostitutes? You drink. You walk around. You eat sushi. We did all of the above.

By the time our show came around, we were pretty good and toasty, sipping on a vodka martini until Kristen spilled it on her pants and looked like she peed herself the rest of the night. The show itself was visually amazing. My ability to stay awake in the face of these amazing visuals, however, was next to nil. I had no idea what was going on, but whatever it was, it was epic. People climbing up walls and jumping around and such. It made me get my second wind by the time the climax came around. Unfortunately, my contacts began acting up just around then and I spent the last third of the show trying to keep them from falling out of my dried up eyes. But, I remember certain parts very vividly and will take those memories to my grave. Nanny nanny boo boo. Eighty bucks well spent.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 9

Before I get into the day, I'd like to give a shout out to Cameron's Trading Post. If you're ever planning a trip to the Grand Canyon, instead of going straight into it from the South, go into the South Rim from the East via Cameron. The Navajo people run and operate it, and it's a real special place right on the Little Colorado River. I can't say enough good things about it; it's cheap, clean, and the food is good. The best place we've stayed yet (and probably will remain that way seeing as how the only place we have left is Vegas).

So, this morning we hit the Grand Canyon. Psh. What so "grand" about it? I think Mississippi was better. If I were serious, you should put me in one of the mental hospitals there. So, when we got to the park it was foggy and cold (it was warm and sunny down in the valley where we slept last night). Our first glimpse of the Grand Canyon was somewhat of a letdown because we could barely make anything out. It was so foggy that it looked like just a gray mass beyond the guard rails. Luckily, as we got to the village and began walking around the rim, the sun peeked his smiley little head through the clouds and the sky opened up and the fog cleared and eventually we got things like this:

It was still extraordinarily cold and snowy, however, and after about two hours of walking around (and not making a dent in any different views of this truly massive canyon) we called up enough on Kristen's phone and told it to go to hell.

Lunch was a road trip lunch: leftovers, Doritos, some granola bars, and the rest of our Route 11 potato chips (shout out #2!). As we drove on, we realized that we were slowly making our way around the massive aforementioned canyon. It took over three hours driving, to give you an idea of how large it is. Toward the North end of it, we mistook our location for somewhere in Middle Earth. It was truly bizarre, ranging from sunshine to snow to desert to red cliffs.



After climbing back into the mountains and through windy snowy roads, we finally reached Utah on the suggestion of the docent we talked to at Pima Air and Space in Tucson.

It was really quite bizarre, being a whim state and all. After getting lost for the first time, our plan was to go to Springdale and spend the night there before hitting Zion National Park in the morning. While we were driving to this mystical Springdale, we came upon the unmanned entrance for Zion National Park with no other option in the road. So, we went in (for free). We didn't fully realize what we had stumbled upon for at least five minutes, and then the rest of the drive through the park was completely in awe.

It was gorgeous. It could be described as akin to driving through the Grand Canyon if you were at the bottom of it looking up. There were tunnels, cliffs, snowy peaks, and beatimus craggy rock formations. And we caught it right before the dusk came around, so the park was pretty empty and we just whizzed through it. What a great drive that was. In fact, I'd say it was better than the Grand Canyon. Just this little boy's opinion. However, don't write off the Grand Canyon just because I say so. My word is practically the word of God and all, but listen: we did catch it on a cold, foggy morning. If we had had the chance to trek down into it and do some hiking like originally planned my opinion of it may have been slightly different.

We had dinner in Springale (which turns out to be a lodge town for Zion right past the exit for the park) at some historic saloon type joint. The thing that made us happy about it is that the vegetarian options were surprisingly ample for the area. In Texas and New Mexico, our options were steak or Mexican. In Arizona we had Navajo food and Krispy Kreme. Now, we finally had proper vegetarian type options, so we tore it up.

Currently, we sit in Hurricane, Utah. The name of this place makes it seem like it should be a wrestler or something, but it's just a crappy town instead. Kind of disappointing after such a visually amazing day.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 8

I gotta say, today was absolutely terrible. We woke up to 60 degree weather, clear skies, and the open road ahead of us full of gorgeous scenery. I was miserable the whole day. We began with a suggestion from Kristen's dad, the Pima Air and Space Museum in Tucson. The admission was a little steep, but it had a ton, and I mean a ton of different airplanes and airplane accessories. It had the PBM Mariner, which is practically the only one in existence, and the plane that Kristen's grandfather flew. It also had a B-17, which my grandfather flew. According to the docent, there are approximately 20 of those left. I think the coolest thing, however, was me getting my new facebook picture:

We hit the road again, bound for Phoenix. The drive was more traditionally Arizonan, full of desert and hot dryness and cacti. Once we hit Phoenix, there was no stopping Kristen from plowing into the In-N-Out Burger place. Desert was Krispy Kreme, completing our fatty fat fat lunch. As we headed north, the scenery became much more amazing and diverse. We climbed up to about 7000 feet above sea level, and back down into the valley. Before Sedona, we saw a sign for Montezuma's Castle, so we just had to. I was hoping it was something like a castle version of Montezuma's Revenge, because that would be something akin to the coming apocalypse. What it was is this:

Kind of a neat little cliff dwelling. I bet you're wondering how in the heck those Injins got up there to sleep at night. Well, guess what. The park explained everything. Apparently the Injins had mastered the power of flight. They carved the houses out of the cliff using their laser vision.

So, if you ever get the chance when you're in the area, go to Sedona. It's gorgeous. Here's a sample:

Afterward, we climbed through more mountains and encountered snow. A lot of it. Not as much as all of you will be getting in the Virginia area, but still, like a foot. We passed by Flagstaff, which has beautiful mountain scenery backing it up, and continued north to the Cameron Trading Post.

Since there's nothing else around, Cameron has turned into a Native American owned and operated complex, containing gas, a restaurant, a shop, and a motel. It's actually the nicest place we've stayed thus far. Plus it's an Indian trading post.

While we've been spending this time in Arizona, I think it has definitely moved up the list to the top for most scenic state we've been to. It's a lot more diverse than I thought, and it just beats out the Billy the Kid Scenic Byway for tubular awesomeness. Looks like Arizona's got New Mexico in a headlock. So, I totally understand why Soheil would want to move here. I still condone the decision to do it. He knows I'd come visit him, at least.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 7

We awoke several times throughout the night to the pitter-patter of train wheels, the accompanying whistle, and the clang of an old heater trying to turn off. Eventually, the increasingly annoying sound of rain roused us in the morning and we were off once again.

Alamobamba was good to us, all in all, and we left in good spirits despite the weather. Our first stop was the White Sands National Monument, or as Kristen appropriately put it that day, Wet Sands. The cool thing about White Sands, besides the accompanying nuclear testing site, is that it is a 240 square mile pile of white sand dunes plopped oh-so-randomly in...the desert. Yes, sand in the desert. I guess since it's white that it warrants a whole national monument to it.

I think it would have been cooler if it wasn't raining. Don't get me wrong, it was still cool. I don't care what those Africans say about their giant desert.

So, we continued on and not ten minutes after we stepped on sandy dunes, we drove through a friggin' blizzard in the mountains. I told you New Mexico was diverse. The blizzard only lasted ten minutes itself and then it cleared up for about an hour.

Before passing into Arizona, we hit up St. Clair Winery--the largest in New Mexico. Probably because it is only 1 of 2. It was surprisingly good and I'm sending a bottle home to mother. You could say it was good enough to write home about.


So, Arizona has some pretty crazy scenery. I thought that New Mexico and Arizona would be pretty much the same type of arid climate, and that pretty much is true, but Arizona has some weirder rock formations that would give it an edge if the two states ever got into a bar fight.

We hit up Tombstone first, because we had to get our Ol' Western fix. Historic Allen Street fit the bill perfectly, complete with covered wooden walkways and all the cheesy Western shops you could ever want. Since it was so shitty out, the guy gave us a discount on the OK Corral tickets. I can't imagine the disappointment those who paid full price must feel. It was real cheesy. It had anamatronic gun fighters, to give you an idea.
Still, we got to see the exact spot (which, for some reason has been subject to change) where the Earps and Doc Holliday battled it out with them rascally outlaws. Also, we got to see a prostitute's house, or a "crib" as they called it back then. I knew the cool kids were stealing their slang. I just knew it! The hookers were called "soiled doves" which I really got a kick out of.

We had dinner at Big Nose Kate's Saloon, which was an original building where the Earps hung out. Big Nose Kate was Doc Holliday's main squeeze (as well as everyone else's in town, being a soiled dove and all). Anyway, seeing a picture of her, I can't imagine business would be booming. Her pizza was good though. Don't make an innuendo out of that, please.

So we ended our day in Tucson. It took us a while to find a room because there is a damn gem show in town and all the hotels were booked. I now hereby boycott all jewelry sales. I will now turn over any Native American jewelry stands that I may encounter from here on out. Final word.

Epic Road Trip Extravaganza Winter 2010 Gala Celebration Party Oh-Ten Day 6

The morning began somewhat foggily--no that's not a metaphor, emo punk. It really was foggy, but it had lifted by the time we entered New Mexico:


When you think of New Mexico, what do you think of? Pipe down, those of you who have been there. Do you think of Mexico, only newer? Desert, illegal immigrants, etc? Well think again because this state rocks. We began the day at Carlsbad National Park, with a whole new set of scenery. We encountered our first real bushy cacti, which Kristen proceeded to prick herself on.


There were also some pretty sweet hills around the caverns. The Chihuahuan Desert, they call it. I didn't see any of those damn yippy dogs though. Thank Bobness. The caverns themselves were enormous. Luray Caverns got nothin' on these mamajammas. They have one cavern, aptly named the "Big Room" that is about 600,000 sq. ft. or 14 football fields. We Americans like to measure incomprehensible size in football fields. Anyway, that puts it at the largest cavern room in the Western Hemisphere.

We had lunch at this place in White's City (side note: when we first saw signs for White's City, the font they used made me think it said "Whites Only" and I was almost really excited. I swear I'm not really racist, guys. Chill out). Anyway, it's right outside Carlsbad. We told the guy who served us that we were from Virginia and he immediately looked at a map. Good people, though. Super friendly. Great personalities. He rocked those sweat pants.

We then headed to Roswell for some alien interaction. Verdict: those aliens need to step up their game, because we were not impressed. The UFO Museum (and Research Center) looked like a middle school science fair set up in a gymnasium.


But, it presented some interesting evidence to a government cover up, which was its goal. So, mission accomplished, guys.

As we set out past Roswell, we were officially ahead of schedule. I think that since General Mosby is now an outlaw in Virginia, she tends to run a little faster than normal. That, and it was Time-Warp Tuesday! Woo! Sonic Boom!

The drive through central/Western New Mexico was gorgeous. I later found out that this area is called the "Billy the Kid Scenic Byway" because, I guess, he once took a dump here. Anyway, I may look into purchasing some property in Ruidoso. It's 7500 ft. above sea level, it's got Apache casinos, fine dining, skiing, theatre, and a friggin' castle. Maybe that's the property I'll look into buying. Anyway, it was so pretty out that we agreed it would be a shame to continue driving in the dark, so we found the Classic Inn at Alamobambo #5, NM. It's a nice little gathering of chain restaurants and people who were probably once in chains. We chose Crapplebee's for lack of more authentic (read: Mexican) dining fare. If you ever find yourself there, pray you don't get Nicole as a waitress. She's terrible enough to be called out by name.