By the Power of Grayskull...

Today is Sara's birthday. Let me tell you a little something about Sara Marunde. I've known this lady for my entire life, and for my entire life she's been busting my balls about something. But, I know it's because she loves me and wants me to be happy. I remember when we were kids and she'd say, "Hey, let's go play baseball. If you pitch for me first, I'll pitch for you." Then I'd say, "Duh, ok," and we'd go outside and I'd pitch to her and then she'd walk away and not pitch to me. And when we'd share the TV and the Nintendo, changing rooms every week or whatever, she'd never let me play the Nintendo when it was her week, so I snuck into her room all the time and played anyway when she wasn't there. I'm such a rebel. And playing on the jungle gym. And swimming in the lake. And sending boats down the creek. Ah, childhood. Anyway, Sara. She's smart, talented, ambitious, and passionate about what's important to her, and I'm glad to have her as my sister. She's got panache, she's got a great family (I mean the family that she made. I'm not trying to subtly say that I'm great, but the family she came from is awesome, too), and she's got the cajones to stand for what she believes in. So, happy birthday, Sara! I'm sorry I couldn't be there for it, but you know I'm thinking about ya. Enjoy drag brunch.

Also, Sara, it's very fortuitous that the kids are learning about birthdays in my school right now, so I had them sing "Happy Birthday" to you. I'm sorry I didn't get it on video. It all happened so fast...but feel good at the fact that 30 Korean kids sang specifically to you from halfway across the world while you slept last night.

Ok, enough about Sara. Let's talk about me. This is my blog. So this week, my coteacher has been out with the pink eye, and I've been teaching with a substitute. She's a little younger than me, so we just chatted, listened to music, and exchanged Korean/English lessons all week. It was really nice and refreshing. Among the things I learned were:

• the rampant problem of Koreans getting plastic surgery. They all want to look more "Western" so they get eye lid surgery and nose implants and stuff. Really bizarre.
• the amount of competition there is for getting a good job (I knew this already, as I iterated to you in a previous post, but she put it a different way). She explained how colleges work and all about exams.
• how the Korean language is really goddamn hard. But I expanded my knowledge anyway.
  
• I am really lucky to be born into an English speaking country. You all are, too. You can go anywhere and get a job somehow. How much demand is there for Korean speaking people worldwide?
• why Koreans find me so handsome. It comes down to this: I am not short, I am not Korean, I have white skin, I have big eyes, a big nose, and skinny face (comparatively to Koreans). This combination puts me in the "Brad Pitt/Bruce Willis/Wentworth Miller/Tom Cruise" category (yeah, I've been told I look like all these people). I resemble what Koreans want to look like. What a bunch of weirdos.
  
• how the Korean retirement system works. Unless you're a government employee: you better have an awesome savings account.
• Koreans think it's funny when we say things like, "Man!"
• what Koreans pay in yearly taxes takes into account how much they spend, too. If they spend a lot, they get money back. When you go to a store and spend cash, you can ask to give your phone number and the money you spent will be accounted to you for your annual tax purposes.
  

Ah, tomorrow's Friday. Here's a poll for you. And I want answers. Is this a functioning sink?

Dentistry Done Right

I tell you what. Korea is always flattering to a Westerner. Even though I had six cavities and teeth as yellow as a school bus, the dentist flattered me by saying that out of the ten or so foreigners that he's seen, my teeth were the best. This was after I told him how long it had been since I'd seen a dentist and probably after he smelled my breath. Even if the other foreigners were atrocious, it still made me feel better about my dental situation. He pushed it even further by saying that my gums were in pretty good shape generally, and if I saw a dentist once a year then I could still keep all my teeth for the rest of my life. See, that's what American dentists should do. Be positive and encouraging like Dr. Ju (In Amurrica, he would just be a Jew...is that racist? Is Jewish considered a race?) instead of using scare tactics, "Oh, you need to brush more and floss, etc. etc. If you don't, Truckosaurus will come to your house when you sleep and murder your wife." By him just saying that I have a chance of keeping all my teeth and that my gums are generally ok, I feel pumped about brushing and flossing to keep them.

So, I cut a deal with him (maybe. I realized I know nothing about dentistry) and had him fill three of the cavities today and the other three tentatively next Monday. Now, the cavities were the interesting part. It started after I laid down and they put one of those blue papetowels over my face (so I couldn't see the evil). Then I heard the words, "I'm sorry, but since they are small cavities we cannot do local anesthetic." Crap, why not? "Just raise your left hand if you feel any discomfort." You know whenever they say "discomfort" they mean "extreme nauseating pain." Next thing I know, I hear R2D2 in my skull as the vibration begins and that tasty smell that comes with it. I definitely felt the business end of that drill on my sensitive mouth areas a few times. I cannot tell a lie or embelish, though. When all was said and done, it actually wasn't that bad. I think the adrenaline carried me through it. I came up sweating with a pounding heart. Dr. Ju chuckled.

I chuckled because the best part of it was that the receptionist was giving me the eyes. You know the eyes I'm talking about. She followed me into the dentist work area place where I was having my stuff done and talked with me about how much she loved America and American food for, you know, way too long. Receptionists should be receiving, not talking to the Migook boys. Speaking of Migook, which is Korean for the U.S.A., Dr. Ju told me that Migook in Chinese characters meant "beautiful land" so it means that in Korean, too. That place was sooo flattering. I didn't mind going to the dentist. Isn't that the weirdest thing? Actually, the real best part was that I got what would be considered a cosmetic option (tooth colored resin composite) for filling my cavities that insurance probably wouldn't cover, or not cover much of, in the States. And it's got a warranty!

So speaking of all that health garbage, my co-teacher is out sick the whole week because she has the pink eye or something. That means that I get to teach with a substitute. Why is that good? Because I can teach more. I get more time with the chilluns. What a week, what a week. Here's a picture for you:

RAWR!

Oh My Seoul

Chile, chile, come on in here and let Grandpappy Steve tell you all about the mystical land of Seoul, South Korea. Go ahead, warm yourself by the fire. It's awful cold out. Preface: I'm pretty tired, so don't look for witticism. Preface, part deux: Before I embarked to Seoul on the Speedy Gonzales train Friday evening, I had my first Korean lesson right after work. It was at the DMOE (Daegu Metropolitan Office of Education) building, which is within walking distance of my school and apartment. I thought the lesson would be kind of a drag because it's just learning the alphabet, which I already know. I was mistaken, however, because our teacher taught us some better pronunciation techniques. One thing was explained adequately, finally. We all know that the Koreans mix up the Ls and Rs. This is because they have one letter for both L and R. They pronounce it half way between the L and R sound. How is that possible? I wondered that for two months. We pronounce our L by placing the tongue at the roof of the mouth, just behind the teeth. Well, the Koreans pronounce their letter by placing the tongue at the back of the roof of the mouth, thus it sounds like it's halfway between L and R, strangely. Try it. Say "L" by putting your tongue as far back in your mouth as possible.

The rest of Friday is of no consequence, really. I rode on a train and spent the night with naked Korean men in a jimjilbang. Woo! Saturday and Sunday were the highlights which I will share with you. Saturday day, after having some actually decent Mexican food, a few of us embarked on a bus out to the countryside to visit a brewery. Ka-brew is a small operation that only makes money through events like the one I came to. About 100 people came out for beer, barbeque, and good times. It was a beautiful day to spend on a deck overlooking a stream. So beautiful that a few of those guys felt the need to take their shirts off and hang their raffle tickets from their nipple rings. One of our group won the raffle, which was, strangely enough, a bottle of wine. It was the real classy "2009 White Wine" from both Italy and California. Mmmm, it sure was tasty. I guess that's why it's a beer brewery and not a winery. The best part about winning the bottle was that we got VIP access to the roof area. A beautiful day, indeed.

Naturally, a few people took the "all you can drink" part of the deal to the extreme level and ended up later falling down an escalator into me like they were bowling. I escaped relatively unharmed.

That night we met up with a few other people I hadn't seen in a while, and went to a club type thing. They were having live rock music. We saw two bands, who were both really good and polished, but the first band was really spectacular. They go by Coxx and played Korean math punk or something. They played loud and hard and ripped into the crowd for a solid half hour before letting the main act come on. I thought the drummer was kind of cute until she took her shirt off and revealed that she was actually a dude. Haha. It's not the first time that's happened to me in Korea. It probably won't be the last, either.

Sunday I flew solo and decided to do some sightseeing. I chose Gyeongbukgong, which was the king's palace in the 1500s or so. It's a pretty impressive place. Quite picturesque. It's no Versailles or anything, but then again Versailles is about 10 times more expensive. This palace had the works. Throne rooms, private quarters for both the king and queen, concubines rooms, gardens, a pond, a pleasing mountainous backdrop, and a ton of tourists. It was big enough that towards the end of it I was feeling kind of palaced out. It's funny how in the West palaces were based on size and how many rooms, etc. whereas in Korea, it must be the number of buildings. Palaces here were all outdoorsy type places where each building has a purpose and you gotta walk in the elements between them. It's more atuned to nature.

I skipped the Korean Folk Museum (pictured at the top) due to time constraints. I did have a Speedy Gonzales train to catch back to Daegu, after all. Ok, I'm going to bed. I had a long weekend and I gotta teach the chilluns tomorrow!

Wheelbarrows vs. Lear Jets

I had a little extra down time before my first Korean class, so I thought to myself, "Self? Why not make a half-assed post before leaving school and beginning the big weekend adventure?" And then I followed my own advice. So, here I am.

It's Friday today. The Korean kids seem to dislike Friday eventhough I try to tell them how awesome it is. They apparently have hagwon after school today, so it's not like a Friday night where they get to take a load off and down a few...orange juice boxes or something. It's really kind of sad. My co-teacher and I have discussed how Korea is currently robbing the children of being children on more than one occasion.

I learned some interesting things. Korea is currently facing a problem of having too many smart people. It sounds kind of silly, right? How can you have too many smart people? Well, Korea has a 97% literacy rate. That's astounding compared to the U.S. Everyone has at least a bachelor's degree. The cashiers at Homeplus(uh) have a bachelor's degree. The construction workers have a bachelor's degree. Not to knock those jobs, but they don't require four years of college. While this seems like a good thing on paper to have a well educated work force, it can cause some problems. A higher amount of competence and intelligence means a higher amount of competition for the same good paying job. This means that parents get their children to work harder to the point of going to after school school and school on Saturdays and constant testing. My co-teacher said she spends about 1.2 million won a month on her two childrens' school. That's over $1000 a month, not for public school, but for hagwons and special programs. This large amount of money being spent only increases the pressure put on these children. The reason people only have 1 or 2 children typically is because that's all they can afford to educate. As a result, Korea's population is on a slow decline and every city but Seoul is shrinking. Now I know why education is not as important in America. Now I know why college isn't cheap. Now I know why some kids are taught, "hey it's cool to not go to college." It's an interesting world we live in.

Do you guys remember Truckosaurus? What ever happened to that thing? Is it still around? I had a conversation about Truckosaurus last weekend and I've been kind of thinking about it ever since. It had various names, but always the same thing. I guess since the "Cash for Clunkers" thing hit, all the monster truck shows have been hard up for clunkers. A true American pastime may have died under our very noses and we didn't even pay attention or attend the funeral. Tragic.

Ok, I'm off. Fast train, here I come.

Hump Day!

Last time on World Class Flaneur, our hero took a trip to Busan to see the wonderful Korean version of Miami...or something. This time, on World Class Flaneur...

Those who play video games know that in some of those dastardly addicting things, you get a hidden prize for finding all 100 of the golden spider skulls or something that are hidden throughout the world. I feel that way every time I enter my kitchen. I look around behind the fridge, in cabinets, on the ceiling, under the microwave, around the trash. I'm not looking for golden spider skulls, I'm looking for bugs. I kill at least 20 a day. I keep expecting to receive the Dragon Sword or something and hold it above my head as music plays around me. I've got the music part down, but no sword for collecting all the dead bugs. Maybe I have to reach a thousand?

I also completed my painting. By completed, I mean I don't want to work on it anymore so I'm calling it done. I present to you...St. Venn. Anyone get it? Come on. Personally, I think it's better than the Mona Lisa. Most unimpressive painting, that one. At first I tried nailing it onto my wall. Apparently my walls are made of either metal or concrete because it bent the nail. Everywhere I tried, same deal. Divine intervention? Oh well. I had to go to HomePlus(uh) this evening to get some of those double sided sticky tape thingies. Now it is hanging above my computer. One less wall decoration. I'm thinking my next one will be Freddie Mercury riding a flying tiger through the currently erupting volcano in Iceland. What do you think? Too much red and orange? Probably. Maybe I should put the emphasis on the water and ice in the background.

So yesterday, after going to a weird Italian/Korean fusion type place wherein you eat sweet corn pizza with a fork on a barrel, I was greeted with a nasty little surprise. My landlord doubles as my mail man, and he had slipped a bill under my door. After looking at it confusedly, I realized it was for my gas (no, not my gas [that's priceless], my apartment's gas) and that it was for 106,000 won! This is just about $100. Or as Soheil likes to think, $1,060,000. $100 for a month of warmth. Well, I can assure you, Mister, that I will not be touching that thermostat again unless it's to get hot shower water. Good thing it's warming up finally or this boy would be wearing coats. Multiple coats.

I've been downloading music like a fiend since there are no legal repercussions for it. Two other music related news items: I've been playing guitar non-stop. So much that I haven't given my fingers enough time to develop calluses. They just hurt all the time. That's ok, I'm exploding with guitar steam desire after not playing for a few months. I'll develop calluses this weekend when I'm in Seoul. Other news: I heard about a music festival a-la Bonnaroo called Jihan Valley Festival. It's in Incheon (where that gigantic airport I flew into is located), and it's got a few good bands. Muse, Massive Attack, Belle and Sebastian, Vampire Weekend, and a few Korean artists and other bands I haven't heard of. Not a huge line up, but this is Korea, after all. It's on that end of July/beginning of August weekend, when it's real hot. I think I'll pull it off. Tickets go on sale soon.

That's really all I've got for you here in the land of 1,000 midgets. I bought some new pants. I don't know what it is, but Korean clothes fit me a-like-a-glove-a. I think I already mentioned that previously. Anyway, I like em. Shut up.

Beautiful Busan

The title of this post is not necessarily the opinion of the writer, but the city slogan of Busan, South Korea. On Saturday, I embarked on a trip to this coastal port city with a group of fellow Daeguans for a little more than 24 hours of hedonism and revelry. Busan is the second largest city in Korea, with a population of just under 4 million. It is on the South Eastern tip of the Korean peninsula. It is the departure point for ferries to Japan, Jeju Island, and China.

Upon arriving, it was immediately apparent how huge Busan was. Daegu is a speck comparatively. Busan is a city that sprawls out around mountains and islands. It is the future home to the third tallest building in the world. It has the fourth largest port in the world. It has a hell of a lot more character than my Korean home town does.

Our first stop was Taejongdae, which is a national park with pretty stunning seaside cliffs.We discussed how something like this would probably not happen in the United States. I don't mean cliffs, as we have those, but a park where there are no railings or safety glass and you are at your own risk to not fall to your premature death. The insurance costs for something like that would be astronomical and lawsuits would be a constant problem. But, Korea is a tad naive, and they have ample time for some idiot jerk to screw it up for everyone else. I was definitely in fear of that edge quite a few times, but it allowed me to get some pretty nice pics.One of our group had been a teacher in Busan before, so he knew where all the cool kids hung out. Before grabbing an awesome dinner, we drank some makkoli in a cave. No, not some bar designed to look like a cave, a bar that was made out of an actual cave. A cave with water trickling down the walls and dripping onto the floor and that musty cave smell. I think it used to be a bunker or something.
They had kimchi that was actually decent. It was a little different from the standard fare, as I think they fermented it longer or something. It wasn't as pungent or overwhelming as kimchi tends to be. The makkoli was good, too, but the focus was on how the kimchi didn't suck. Quite a place.

We hit a couple of other bars downtown, as is the tradition when visiting a Korean city, and spent the night in a jimjilbang. Being a veteran of the jimjilbang experience, I was pumped and ready for it. It was, however, many of our group's first time in the jimjilbang, so it was humorous watching them react to seeing two Korean men washing each other in the shower. In America they'd be fags, but here, they're just washing up after a long night of table tennis or something.

This morning, we got some amazing dumplings and jaja myeong (Korean black noodles) for brukkus and then headed to Busan tower for some high rise sightseeing action. Our day today was really highlighted by absolutely insane taxi drivers. Korea has some crazy cab drivers, but our luck in Busan with the wack jobs was uncanny. Most of the time, that cab was absolutely silent as we all sat breathlessly white knuckled. You just don't go 100 km/hr down a busy city street swerving through traffic like that. As a closer, we hit up the largest fish market in the world just to see the bizarre things that go on at such a place. Things I learned:

• Eel apparently tastes better when skinned alive (not learned through actual taste test, mind you. I'm not a cab driver in Busan)
• Old women with purple hair are allowed out in public
• People eat pig faces
• There is some kind of sea worm thing that looks remarkably like a male appendage
• Korean Christian hymns require a vibrato that would annoy even Helen Keller
• The legless man in Daegu who pushes himself around with his hands either has a twin in Busan or the guy really gets around
  
• Live lobsters can be caught via a crane game

Hmm, this little number is just about Mavis' size...My other favorite is the Guinness sweatshirt in the back right. Toddlers wearing beer advertising and calling each other a bitch. I love that mental image.

That damn KTX is always something. This time, they had an oriental instrumental version of Neil Young's "After the Goldrush" playing while everyone boarded the train. You know the style I'm talking about, with the weird stringed instruments that sound like a cat is trying to sing. That was just really bizarre, but I am in Korea. I don't know why I am still surprised by things. Oh, speaking of, I saw a Ford the other day and it blew my mind.

So, Busan is a really cool town. I'll have to come back when it's warmer and hit up the beach. I hear it's annoyingly crowded and not much fun. Just my cup of tea there.

Korean Business Transaction Day

First of all, I want you to know this bottle of beer:Yeah, the name probably wouldn't fly in the U.S. for some political reason or another, but the point I'm trying to make is this bottle is the size of my head and it's only $4. Don't be fooled by the "stout" label, either. It's just dark piss water lager. The Koreans think it's a stout because it's not yellow.

So today was overall a good day. I ended up having five classes instead of six. My teachers' training class was canceled because the teachers were too busy to attend. I wonder if they're just being nice. The first two classes have been kind of duds anyway, so maybe they're just calling the whole thing off. Tomato/tomahto type of thing.

After work I told myself that I would brave the Korean language barrier and do a little TCB (Taking Care of Business). My first stop was the only dental clinic that I know of, called Ye. Pronounced more like "Yay! I love going to the dentist!" I didn't get to actually get my dental work done, but I set up an appointment for the 26th. I want you to know something. That nastiness you smelled when I talk is the result of not going to the dentist for, oh...about ten years. It used to be that I couldn't afford it, then it got to be a fear that I hadn't gone in so long that it would be a terrible, expensive mess that I still wouldn't be able to afford. In Korea, all that unsightly "paying for stuff" part is mostly taken care of by the government, so if I want dentistry, now's the time to do it. Thank you, socialized healthcare. They are going to recommend I just give up on my teeth and get dentures. I know it. I hope I can count the cavities on one hand. Sorry, Mom. I'll try to salvage all that orthodontistry work you paid for. I will, of course, let you know how it goes.

I was feeling good about the success of setting a dental appointment, so I thought I would take some more chances with Korea. I had heard from a friend of a haircut place run by an Australian who would actually be able to understand me. When I got to the street where I was told this place would be, I was met with three or four different choices for lowering my ears. I took my chances at the most English looking one, but I failed. This place had no English speakers in it, but they were already shuffling me in and taking my coat off so I thought I would chalk it up to an experience. Here's the result:Yeah, not terrible, except that the bitch severed my chops. My sideburns haven't been this short since high school! It wouldn't be so bad, except that she did that Korean thing of thinning the sideburns by the ear so they kind of come to a point. Whatever, it'll grow back. Otherwise I can live with it. It was only $12 (no tipping in Korea!). And I got a shampoo out of it. Also, the hair cutter had an assistant with her whose sole job was to wipe my face of any loose hairs every time some fell on it, which was every time she snipped. It got violating after a while.

So, I spoiled the surprise with that previous picture. My final Korean interaction was going to the guitar store and buying an ax. Here's a closer look:
I ended up going with the Korean brand Crafter. What I got was the solid body cedar "Dream Plus" model. It's nothing showy, but she plays pretty nice. He also threw in a tuner, a capo, a strap, some strings, a soft case, and some picks all for free. He said it was because one time he lived in Australia (every Korean who can speak English decently has lived in Australia) and he could never muster up the cajones to go into a guitar shop and buy a guitar (I'm adlibbing. You think a Korean would say "cajones?"). He said I was brave and he knew it was hard being a foreigner, so he understood and gave me a sweet deal. I took his sweet deal.

I am slowly letting the Telecaster go. I reasoned with myself that I will buy one when I get back to the U.S. of A. It would be a big pain in the ass to ship that thing home and ultimately I'd be paying so much more for it than I would in the States. So, I bought local. Supporting Korea's guitar industry. I played it earlier until I couldn't anymore. I need to build the calluses back up.

The Allure of April 14th

Today is my buddy Soheil's birthday. If you see him, give him a big old birthday hug for me, will you? Oh, and ladies, he's single and dashingly handsome. In America, we all know April 14th as the day the Titanic sank and the day Lincoln was shot, but I'm not in America. Soheil, I'm going to tell you what your birthday means in Korea. April 14th is Black Day. There are no million man marches or NAACP rallies on this Black Day. This Black Day is the day that all the single folks who didn't receive any gifts on Valentine's Day or White Day from their hunnies get together in a dark alley and eat black noodles. I think they eat black noodles to symbolize that their hearts are turning a little more black. It may help to look sinister and conniving while eating them. Soheil, I would eat black noodles in a dark alley with you gladly on this Black Day. Happy birthday, buddy.

The omniscient creature/human/lizard/beam-of-light some of us call God brought a bitter cold front to Korea for Black Day. Not only that, but a hint of snow. It's mostly rain, but it's a little flurry-ey. You know the type of precipitation I'm blabbering about. It's only April 14th after all. Still snow season. I used to boast that the climate in Korea was very similar to Virginia and it didn't take much getting used to. We don't get snow on April 14th in Virginia.

No, no, this is still very odd for Korea. All the Koreans are freaking out, but then again it doesn't take much for them to run away screaming like Godzilla's coming. Still, I am under the impression that we have fallen down the terrible rabbit hole labeled "Climate Change" and we will not be able to claw ourselves out of it. The weather's being freaky everywhere. This weekend it was almost hot, now by midweek it's flurrying. Next week they're calling for a locust plague and a 40% chance of fire/lava rain mix. Come on 2012!

What I'm basically saying, Soheil, is that your birthday is the beginning of Armageddon. I'm just kidding. Hmm, do I have a picture for you for your birthday? Nothing very good. Sorry. Maybe if I had a suggestion? Could someone give me a hand, please?Sorry, that was too corny. What am I, my dad? Anyway, Soheil, I want you to know that I actually took this picture for you. Seriously. I thought to myself, "Soheil will like this pic." What does it say about our relationship and our maturity level?And they pride themselves on being an English bookstore. If only they knew. Also, if only they carried more English books than Twilight, the Harry Potter series, and that Lightning Kid book. I guess whatever they're making into movies gets put on the shelves of Youngpoon...g (yeah, ok, fine. There's a G at the end that I tried to cut out of the picture. There, are you happy now?). I'm going to bed.

Gwarsh

So what do you do when a bug flies out of your cereal box as you're pouring yourself a bowl? Do you stop pouring and perhaps toss the box? Well, maybe in America where everything is dandelions and butterscotch...

Do I have anything for you today? Not really. Today I was reminded again how socially acceptable it is to yell out "Waegooken!" when you see someone who's not Korean. What if every time we saw an Asian or a Mexican in America we yelled, "Oh, foreigner!" Not only would you eventually lose your voice, it would not fly very far with the politically correct atmosphere. I mean, I can obviously hear you. The word "waegooken" is not some Korean secret. Where is the tact? Oh, that's right. Korea doesn't have any. I can't imagine how bad the black folks have it here.

I don't shave for one day, and suddenly I'm Grizzly Adams to the Koreans. Oh well. I don't cayah! It's my hot body, I do what I want.

So since I have no real news, I'm going to just post pictures that I haven't shown you before from my almost two month adventure in Korea thus far:
Ok, let's go ahead and get the lack of subtlety pics out of the way. This first one is the most subtle. You have to know Hangeul to get it. This is a hotel. It says "Top" then has a wine glass, then it says "Tael" in Hangeul. So it's a hotel called "Top Tael." I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but it's funny either way.This lingerie store pic doesn't need a caption.
Who sticks their fingers into their coffee as they're drinking it, as it's obviously burning them by the redness depicted? It's a little masochistic, no? Is that a pill in his other hand?

For when your woman gets dirty. "To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. Love is stronger than pride." Ok, so, what does that have to do with cleaning your woman? Segue pic from Bulguksa Temple:Did you notice that I have the color accent setting on yellow, and their skin is still in color? I bet you did, you racist. You're going to Hell. I guess that's just payback for yelling out "waegooken!" when I pass by, Korea. We're even. The next three were taken in or around bars:
Was I in Korea at any time even near Christmas? Hmm, I arrived on February 17th, so that's the earliest I could have taken this pic. Plenty of time to take down the decorations, guys. Oh, and don't bother trying to order any of those bottles shown up there. Those are to show patrons what the bar doesn't have. This bar is made from a bus. An actual bus. How cool is that? They installed a bus into this building. I couldn't get a pic of the whole thing because it's in a tight quartered alley. Guess what it's called. No, it's not called The Rice Grinder, stupid, it's called The Bus. Ok, Korea has this weird thing where when a store has a grand opening, they hire girls to dance to loud techno music outside of it. All day. This pic was taken at 9 PM. The crowds have dispersed, nobody cares any more (besides me), and they're still at it. And they were into it, too. The store that just opened is some Korean restaurant. And a cheap one! Whatever it's selling is only a dollar fifty. Probably gristled pork bits or something. Still, those girls are selling it. They had a light show. That's all I'm saying.

This post turned out to be a lot more fun than I thought it would be going into it. Thanks. I'll update again soon, as I only have one class tomorrow and my other classes this week are already planned for. Or, that could mean that I'm extra bored and nothing exciting is happening. I'll choose later. Joke's on you either way.

Gettin' Around in the 80s Future

My frequency of posting entries is dwindling. I know, I am aware of this trend. It has been increasingly hectic lately. It seems like I just can't find the time like I used to. I'm still updating though, and will continue to do so whenever I get the chance. At least now you get to read a shiny, exciting post with pictures!

I had badminton on Friday. I had to do a couple more drills, but I actually got to play some games this time. My form is still generally terrible, but I can hit a birdie, damn it, and that's what matters. I got a good two hours of playing in, and I was definitely feeling it for the rest of the weekend. My entire left side was aching incessantly, but I toughed it out and ticked another city off the list: Gyeongju.

My neighbor was nice enough to take both me and her cousin to Gyeongju in her Hyundai beater, which is about an hour away. She had sent me a text message, in Hangeul (which I could not understand, obviously), stating when they would be leaving in the morning. I stayed out late, as I am wont to do on Fridays, and slept past this target leave time. I felt bad, but with a quick rinse in the shower, we ended up leaving about a half hour later than planned.

Our intention was to go to Gyeongju to check out the cherry blossoms, but then we found out that everybody else in Korea's intention was the same. It happens, I suppose. I'm going to make an attempt to paint a picture of Gyeongju for you real quick.

Gyeongju is special not only as home to thousands of cherry blossoms, but also because it was the capital of the Silla dynasty of Korea until about 1000 years ago. This would not be that huge of a deal, but with Korea's attitude of out with the old, in with the new, they made it a point to get rid of old crap all around the country. This would have been the fate of Gyeongju, except that the Prez-i-dent (read: dictator) in the 70s and 80s put a bunch of protections on buildings in Gyeongju, along with height restrictions on buildings around historical areas, and some sort of law that all the buildings must have that traditional Korean roof. All that aside, there is a lot to see that's worthwhile there. This includes Gyeongju Land, which is that campy theme park that most Korean cities seem to embrace. You can't go wrong with a cheesy theme park right in the middle of a historical city.

We began with some lunch, but while waiting (like I said, every other Korean was there, too, so all the restaurants had waits) we checked out the royal burial mounds right next door:There's a whole park full of them. All dead kings and queens and little baby infants, etc. The highlight of this park is Cheongmachong, which means "Heavenly Horse Tomb." It is the only tomb that you can enter. It sounds cooler than it actually was. You shuffle in in one of those museum lines that just snakes along the route, and you see the artifacts that were in this tomb, not in their original place, but in glass cases along the wall. Then you get to see the burial area, which is basically just a gravel area with a box sticking out of the center. They don't want you to take pictures in there because it will detract from tourism numbers if they were to find out how disappointing it was.

Lunch was good and traditionally Korean. I got to try mulkimchi, which is water kimchi. It tastes like kimchi...in water. Otherwise, it was pretty good, and I ate my fill. Next we went to the most aesthetically pleasing area of our trip: Anapji pond.
Anapji is the site of a former palace that was built around 1300 years ago that, of course, now is gone due to various political shifts and disrepair. The pond and the stone foundation remains, so they rebuilt a few of the buildings to house relics and smale scale models of what the palace once looked like. It was a pretty nice place. I bet they had killer parties here.

From there, we walked to Cheomseongdae, which is the oldest observatory in East Asia. The actual observatory is fairly lackluster. What is much more interesting, to me anyway, is the park sorrounding Cheomseongdae. It was full of flowers and children and wholesome family fun. It was the kind of fun that has been missing from America for the past few decades. The kind of fun that requires a family to go to the park together, ride tandem bicycles together, play in the stream together, eat ice cream together, and just enjoy the awesome day together. It was one of those tranquil moments where you realize just how great life can be when there's genuine love all around you. Yeah, it's that cheesy, wholesome type of place, but it was totally Korea.

From there, we headed to our final stop. Bulguksa Temple is one of the most famous Korean sites I can think of. It was built in the late 500s, almost destroyed by the Japanese invasion, and left to rot for a few hundred years before being reconstructed. It looks a lil sumpin like this:
It's kinda big, so I couldn't capture it all in one photograph because there are trees in front of it until you get too close. Anyway, it's pretty cool because this guy is shreddin' and totally into it:
There are a few pagodas inside, symbolizing yin and yang, etc, and some Buddhas. Pretty standard temple stuff. One neat area was this part:You're supposed to stack a bunch of gradually smaller stones on top of each other. This means that your dreams will come true or something. With a slight language barrier, it is difficult to convey concepts like that and I only understood so much. Anyway, Gyeongju is a pretty neat place that I hope to return to. The added bonus that there were fully blooming cherry blossoms everywhere and a pretty bangin' day weather wise certainly helped the experience. I didn't get to see all the sites I wanted to check off the list, so I'll be back.

The ride home was a period of realization for me. I've told my friends several times that I miss the 80s. There's something about that decade that is so ridiculous I wish it were back. Well, a lot of things that I particularly miss in the 80s are present in Korea right now.

Side ponytails: in.
Acid wash jeans: in.
Wearing a dress on top of acid wash jeans: in.
Perms: in.
Shoulderpads: in.
Cassette tapes: in.
Hair metal: in.

Korea is like if the 80s were taking place in the 10s. The fashion is absolutely an 80s enthusiasts dream, but everyone has the latest technology to go with it. But even the technology slightly resembles that "80s future." Anyone who's seen Back to the Future II knows what I'm talking about. It's kind of bizarre, and it doesn't really hit you immediately how much this is true. Only after two months of staring it in the face do you start to realize that Marty McFly could easily whiz by on a hoverboard at any moment and the only thing that would strike you as out of the ordinary is that he's not Korean.

Anyway, Gyeongju is a neat town and definitely unique for Korea. Even with the hordes of people, it still seemed pretty and peaceful. But, like with a lot of places, it's a great place to visit, but I'd hate to live there. Everything is so spaced out and tourists would constantly be in your way. Such is life, right?

I'll close with my favorite pic of the day. I don't know why it's my favorite. It just is.

Every Other Thursday Rips Me Apart

Despite the title, this post will most likely be more about Wednesday than Thursday. I was going to write it yesterday, but I wanted to wait just a little bit longer for accumulation's sake. Just warning you.

So yesterday was Wednesday. Woden's (Odin's) day. The god of wisdom, war, and death. So why, then, do we call it hump day if it's a day of wisdom, war, and death? Doesn't seem very consistent, English language. I think we'd do better to call Saturday Wednesday because it signifies the death of a week. Instead we call Saturday Saturday because it's the day when, traditionally, we all eat our babies to prevent them from overthrowing us. Anyway, I'm not drunk, I promise. I'm more tired than anything. But, I'll get to that.

Wednesday morning was the first day of my newly introduced "weekly broadcasts," wherein I introduce an English topic and teach some new vocabulary for about 5 minutes before classes begin for the day. I even get a student assistant, which we had try outs for. Anyway, I did my thing. I taught the kids some slang. "Hey, what's up?" and the answers you can give for such a question. It's weird teaching to a camera because you get no feedback about whether there is understanding or not. Oh well. Afterward, I got the obligatory, "Oh, you rooked so handsome on the TV this morning. My students were bely happy." I expected that. What I did not expect was, "You rooked arike Bluce Wirris on the TV." Bruce Willis? Is my hair falling out quicker than I thought it was? Hey, he's badass enough. I'll take it. What happened to Brad Pitt? I guess I'm Brad Pitt in person, but Bruce Willis when I'm on TV? What am I supposed to do with that? I'm going with an amalgamation. I will henceforth be referred to as "Blad Wirris." I think it has a nice ring to it.

My Woden's Day classes were pretty standard. A couple of students even knew how to respond when I came at them with, "Hey, what's up?" I took an hour of leave to go to the post office in the afternoon to mail out some packages (look for them in a week, Mom and Sara. Sorry, everyone else, it is not your time yet). I tell you what. It's expensive to ship things across that Pacific Ocean.

The real excitement came at about 3 PM when, for National Teacher's Fitness Day or some crap like that, all the teachers gathered on the volleyball court to throw down. I am not that good at volleyball. The male Korean teachers seem to breathe volleyball. Even our 60 year old principal was out there with the best of them. I can volley a ball when it comes to me, but there's no way I can set it or spike it given an ability test. Hell, half the time when I serve it goes wildly opposite of where I intended it to go. Anyway, I held my spot with those volleys and eventually our team won a best of three series. We celebrated by drinking beer and eating dumplings in the cafeteria. How cool is it to drink beer in an elementary school cafeteria? On the coolness meter, I graduated from protozoan to purple sandpiper. If you consider the scope of the Earth's general food chain, that is a huge leap. I feel like I deserve some kind of diploma or something.

Although I wasn't cool enough to be invited out drinking afterward with the rest of the male Korean teachers, I'd like to think I declined their offer due to a previous engagement to help my neighbor with her medical school homework. Maybe that's why the coolness meter leapt so far. It takes extra suavacity to drink beer with the boys (and girls) and then go and tear up some Korean medical school homework.

I know what you're thinking, and I was thinking that too. Why would she want my help with her medical school homework? She wants me, I know. Actually, as it turns out, her medical school reading is all in English because English Speaking Land is where all the cool doctors hang out. My job was to help her understand complex words and concepts regarding this reading. Among the things I had to explain: what the hell irrigation fluid is when it comes to anemia, distilled water, stippling, and the concept "before something has had time to develop." How do you explain that last one without using any of the words in the initial phrase? Anyway, it was kind of taxing, but I think I actually learned more than she did. That medical school stuff is hard. So, pay it forward, folks. Good deed done.

Thursday, or Thor's Day as all the other purple sandpipers call it, was kind of rough. I had six classes, 4 different lessons. The last one was the teachers' training course, which I teach all mybyself. I was well planned, but it showed that my lesson was too easy for them. They're all super smart when it comes to English, so next week I'm going to let them kind of lead the lesson more. I think flexibility is the way to go here. Let them come in, be laid back, and go with what they want to learn. My job will be to give guidelines, theme, and rules. The real underlying problem, which is my terrible little secret, is that I don't know their names so I feel weird calling on them to talk. Like, "Hey, you. Stand up and tell us a story." Some of these people I talk to semi-regularly, and I feel like such a megadouche not knowing their names. I heard their name once and immediately forgot it. It's Korean and I've never heard of the name before, so it's like hearing a word in a foreign language that you can't even really comprehend the pronunciation of and then expecting to remember it. You're not going to.

Anyway, six classes takes it out of a guy, so I've been tired most of the day. At least the kids did their Thriller dance for me again today. I guess it's every Tuesday and Thursday? I'll let you know when I figure it out. Plans for the weekend? Please, purple sandpipers don't need plans. They make history on the weekends.

Uneventful Week Time #3000

Let's see here. Strange proceedings since my last post. Hmm, I'm struggling. I went to Seomun Market yesterday after work with my cool co-teacher. She introduced me to this entire inside complex that I was totally unaware of the last time I went. They have everything there. Well, not everything, but you know. A lot of stuff. There are several floors devoted to Korean hanboks (traditional dresses) and apparently Koreans need a lot of fabric for their every day needs. Rows and rows of just fabric stores.

She also introduced me to this great little carnival type snack. It's called Hota (sp?). It's pronounced more like hoe-tha, but it's kind of hard to Anglicize it. There is no th sound in Korean, so it's like in between th and a d. When I pronounced it a little Southern like "howtah," my co-teacher emphasized the th and d mix and eventually I got it. You have to put your tongue between your front teeth (if you've got 'em, that is) and then try to make a soft t sound. Good luck. Anyway, it's this pancake thing that has some cinnamony syrupy goodness in it mixed with nuts. The lady who makes them has been doing it for 20 years, so you know they're good. Plus they're only like 70 cents. I hear on the weekends, there is a massive line to get one of these bad boys.

Also, last night I talked to my neighbor for about a half hour. I found out she's a medical student, which explains why her English is so good. She's one o' them smart uns. I had met her several times before because she always gives me food randomly or leaps out from behind things suddenly to say hi to me, but I had never talked to her for any period of time. I ran into her again today going to the metro, and she helped me get a metro card. That kid's alright.

Today's strangeness took place during our newly introduced 20 minute break between second and third period. This had just started on Monday, so now lunch is moved back 10 minutes, which is agonizingly painful. I noticed when this 20 minute break began that all the students were lining up outside on the dirt field we call a "playground." This is what eventually happened:



You tell me what that is, because I have no idea. I went out there because the chick leading the Thriller dancers looked semi-attractive and I wanted to get a closer look. Both my male co-teacher and I were slightly disappointed upon closer inspection.

Oh, speaking of that specific co-teacher, he has a Korean accent. I know, I was as surprised as you are. Anyway, today we were discussing tomorrow's lesson and we have to do a role play with the little chilluns. The role play is "The City Mouse and the Country Mouse," however when he says it, he says "The Shitty Mouse and the Country Mouse." I love it. Every time. I hope he says it over and over again tomorrow during class.

Eventful Weekend Time #6

Here's Conan the bartender playing with fire:It was someone's birthday on Friday and as a present they got to see Conan juggle and do bar tricks with fire. It was definitely pretty cool, but it would not be the last time this weekend I'd see bartenders with a secret arson fetish.

Friday night was begun with a group of us going to Tacoholic, a newly opened Mexican restaurant that is actually pretty good, although you wouldn't know it when you get your chips and salsa. Potato chips with a duck sauce concoction is not authentic Mexican. Sorry, boys. Anyway, the night's proceedings are a little blurry at this point for obvious reasons, but I do remember going to a club and asking someone to marry me. Also, urinating in a stairwell is still not OK, Korea.

On Saturday, I took the KTX to Daejeon. Another notch on the Korean city belt. My reasoning was to visit my orientation roommate and go see our respective teams, the Daegu Samsung Lions and the Daejeon Hanwha Eagles duke it out in a pretty epic baseball match. Before I get into that, I want to talk to you for a second about the KTX TV. In each car, there are about 4 TVs overhead that show some really strange stuff. I gather that it's some kind of "news" station, but the "news" that they show would be worthy of a knock off Korean Willard Scott. First, I got to see interviews with Amurrica's finest citizens about racing riding mowers. These folks are so determined that they'll even race when it's raining and they get covered in mud. Ah, what great exports we bring to the Land of the Morning Calm. Then, it switched to somewhere in Austria where a guy dressed in a Spongebob Squarepants foam outfit did a ski jump into a pool of water. Then some guys took a truck down the ski jump and it, surprisingly, fell straight into the pool like a giant truck would naturally do. Finally, there was a segment on some dude making what may have been the world's longest noodles. He just kept stretching them out in this warehouse.

So, baseball.

You've already noticed that Samsung has put their label on something else. Beyond that, we had a beautiful day for a great game of baseball. My team, the Lions, eventually lost, but the score was 11-9 when all was said and done. There was a grandslam involved (no, not from Denny's), a pickle, a few game changing errors, and lots of really enthusiastic fans. They even have cheerleaders who cheer constantly. Those football cheerleaders are wusses compared to these girls. One of the highlights was when I found out they had those greasy, nasty french fries that you get at sporting events in Amurrica. Felt like home.

Afterwards, we hit the downtown area of Daejeon with the crowd we met at the game, and enjoyed some pretty spot on Italian food. I know, I'm eating Mexican and Italian food in Korea. What's wrong with me? Well, you know what, damn it, I eat Korean food every weekday. Weekends are my time. Just let me enjoy them.

We then popped my live bar band in Korea cherry at The Yellow Taxi. It was really actually kind of cool. You know how usually bar bands are. Well, imagine if you will, three university students just tearing up the jazz like they were majoring in it. The pianists fingers were dancing, to use a cliched phrase, the drummer was hoppin', and the bass player tore it up right. It was different, but it created a really mellow atmosphere that was only ruined when we spotted this sign across the street:
Look closely and you can see the man's bait and tackle and the woman's dirty pillows. Korea, subtlety is not one of your charms. I'm not sure what goes on in this bar, but it certainly catches your attention. Marketing at its best. I saw the second fire breathing bartender afterward and eventually ended the night approximately when it should have ended. You know how some nights can go on for an hour or two too long and other nights you wish you had stayed out. This one was timed well.

The KTX ride home today was highlighted by the guy next to me. He was trying to sleep, but like clockwork, every five seconds he would nod off and catch himself and then straighten up. He did this forever. What I don't understand is why he didn't just adjust himself so he could rest his head stably somewhere. People are strange when you're a stranger. I never look forward to school tomorrow. Oh, well, Monday's gotta come some time, right?

A Lawsuit is-a Coming!

Every week I get some damned song stuck in my head about "Nice to meet you" or "It's a pen!" or "Where are you from?" By the end of the week, I usually change the words to these songs to something along the lines of "Please, God, kill me now." This week, I had the distinct pleasure of learning "Excuse me, sir, is this York Street?" Sometimes they put different words to standard childrens' songs like "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" and whatnot, but "York Street" is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Unless it's entered public domain by now, Peter, Paul, and Mary (God rest her soul) will have a legal field day when they find out the melody of "Puff the Magic Dragon" was used, probably without their permission, by the Korean government to teach the smaller, younger Koreans English. And if you thought "Puff the Magic Dragon" had lame lyrics, wait until you get a load of this (don't forget to sing along):

Oh, well, excuse me, sir
is this York Street?
Sorry, sorry, I don't know
sorry, I don't know.
Oh, oh, excuse me, ma'am
where is York Street?
Go straight and turn left
turn left at the corner!

And here's the other thing I don't understand. This song is for sixth graders. These kids are 11 or so years old. Some of them have entered puberty. The last thing they want to do is sing along to some crappy childrens' tune. But, we must teach-uh by de cullicurum. Whatever, I still get a paycheck despite the nagging thought in the back of my brain that these songs are somehow shortening my life.

In other news, I got to teach my first afternoon (extra-curricular) class of fifth graders today. Them kids'r smart. I look forward to doing both that class and the sixth grade version next week. I get to do whatever I want. But I'll have to jump the teachers' training course hurdle before I can enjoy my Friday.

Don't cry for me, Virginia, but this will again be my last post until Sunday or Monday. I will once again be traveling the great Korean tundra in search of life's offerings. This time, I plan on hitting up Daejeon to visit my orientation roommate. Our respective city baseball teams are playing each other there, so we're planning on catching the game and then having a night on the town afterwards. I'll let you know how Korean baseball goes and if it's any more exciting to watch than the American version. If it's like anything else in Korea, it'll be somewhere between a tragic car accident and a troupe of clowns juggling chainsaws. Love me do.

The Little Thursday That Could...

So, last night there was a meeting between the left and right sides of my brain. They agreed that I am a buffoon and that, for some reason, it's not their fault. The reason I mention this is because I have no clever April Fools Day post to fool you all into thinking I'm coming home early or anything. I doubt you would have believed it anyway. You know how much fun I'm having here, generally. Now if I could only get a guitar.

Anyway, I cleaned my apartment, finally. I learned "The Scientist" on my accordion because it's so simple and it was playing on my iPod when I got the idea. "Right place, right time" type of thing. I also began painting. Ooh, boy, I know you're excited.

It's been raining for most of the day today. I wasn't expecting this because when I awoke from my consistently strange slumber it was only foggy. I now know to pack an umbrella with me anyway.

So, today while I was walking around my classroom kind of bored while my co-teacher did a vast majority of the teaching, I was thinking to myself how awesome it would be if I had a class all to myself. I would have so much fun with the kids. Generally, I laugh and they laugh, so it's a pleasant exchange when I get the chance to teach them something. I got to inform them that today was April Fools Day, but also that if they tried to fool me, I would beat them up.

So anyway, I got my wish because this afternoon I had my first "teacher training" class where I was the sole teacher. Like everything else, I was not really told anything about this class, so I had no idea what to expect. I prepared a pretty simple lesson about greetings and the difference between first meeting someone and an old friend, including hand shaking etiquette, etc. When the time came and only one teacher came in and sat down, I knew this was going to be a long 50 minutes. By the time the trickling stopped, I had six teachers, all female, one of them being my co-teacher. What I had planned didn't really work with just six women. So, I went through a variation of my original plan, which was met with limited success. There were three teachers whose English was actually pretty good, and then three who barely said anything except when I made them.

When I finished, I asked if there were any questions, and what I got was, "do you have a curriculum planned for this class?" Well, lady, not yet because I had no idea what to expect. This was an introductory class for both of us. Now that I know what to expect, I will plan accordingly. It was actually a good question because it gave me the opportunity to ask them if there were any specific topics they wanted me to cover. The class is small enough that I can cater to individuals pretty sufficiently. Needless to say, it was completely different than teaching thirty+ 11 year olds and certainly different from what I expected. And, as with everything else, teaching this type of class will take practice to get better at. I did OK. At least I had enough material to last the entire class. That would have been much worse if I ran out 15 minutes early and just had them play hangman until I stopped crying.