Gyeongju, Part Deux

Yeah, I went back to Gyeongju. It was decided the night prior on a whim. Some folks were going, so I hopped on the bandwagon. On Saturday morning, we met at Dongdaegu Station and bought bus tickets for later in the hour. A couple of key things: first of all, the ticket to Gyeongju is not even $4. How awesome is that? An hour bus ride for less than $4. Second, they had Cruis'n USA in the bus terminal. What a throwback! I remember playing that game when I was 13 or so. But never, never, has it cost 20 cents to play.

The bus trip was inconsequential, really. Ipods make the hour go by pretty quickly. Once there, we rented bikes for the day and rode around. It was beautiful out, but not too blaringly sunny and not overbearingly hot. At points, the wind even made it a little chilly. That's good for riding bikes. We put many miles on those things riding around. Gyeongju is definitely a city best experienced from the seat of a bicycle. We checked out some temple that was built in the late 600s:But since it was destroyed by the Japanese in 1915 when they made Korea their bitch, the Koreans had to rebuild it. That seems to be the theme with Korean national treasures. They were once original, but at some point they burned down or someone destroyed them, so they were rebuilt in the 1970s or whatever. I guess things like that happen when your country is invaded 3,000 times in the course of your history. Our new theme was saying, "Oh, there's the 10,000 year old temple that Samsung built two years ago," because that's kind of what it feels like.

We eventually moseyed over to the pond where all the resorts are and all the rich Koreans hang out. We took a "Donald for 4" (the swan boats that you paddle with your feet) out on the lake and drank for a while. That was a good time. But, by the time we paddled back to the dock it was getting pretty late, so we had to get our bikes back, lest the ajassi at the bike rental place keep my alien registration card as a souvenir.

Before doing so, however, we had to stop to climb one of the burial mounds (that Samsung built a couple of years ago). It was definitely a highlight of the trip. Watching the sunset from the top of some dead dude, overlooking the city was a very good experience.

A coin toss ultimately decided that we were spending the night in Gyeongju. We were ready for a ripping night out on the town, but what we were met with was less than we expected. The whole city was virtually a ghost town after 9 PM. There were buildings lit up as though they were hopping places, but nobody was in any of them. We began the night at Juliet, the first bar we actually saw someone going into, and were convinced by the time we left that the bar doubled as a brothel. As that is not our scene, we opted for another place. What we found was another empty bar run by a post-op tranny who told us that the bar was only for Koreans. Fine with us, lady. We ended up at a poorly decorated bar that was equally as empty just sitting in a back room drinking and talking. After the night ended and we were back at our hotel, I checked on the internet what the happening place in Gyeongju was. Bar Juliet apparently was number 2 on the list. Thus, Gyeongju nightlife is a pathetic, shriveled version of even Winchester nightlife. Really quite sad.

Sunday after coming back, I hit up Costco. That's right, I went to Costco in Korea, and my card works here too.Of course, instead of being a huge warehouse like in the States, it's just a building with 6 floors. Still, they have samples and that's really what you go to Costco for, right? Honestly, it was just like being back home. I picked up a ton of cheese, some Honey Nut Cheerios, some Kirkland brand t-shirts, and some wine.

One thing I learned is that Costco goods are not cheap. I think it's best if you split the cost and the goods with someone else. Now I'm stuck with too much cheese (but can you really have too much cheese?) and a smoking hole in my pocket where the money burned away. Thus, here I sit.

I've been noticing that a lot of people have been getting the Sunday night blues lately. Personally, I may be bummed that my weekend is ending, but still. I know I have it really good here, and whatever bummed feelings I may be having on Sunday night pale in comparison to what I was feeling back home. I get to go out, ride bikes around, see some awesome stuff, and live cheaply by myself while learning and feeling like I'm living life every day. My job is much more satisfying than the one I had (it may pay less, but I still pocket more money at the end of the month) and most importantly, I don't feel like I want to quit and go live in a cave somewhere until I'm dead. That is very important.

Sorry I haven't been updating very often lately. I'm just living my life. I will try to update more often. Maybe even think about what I'll write about before I start typing. That would probably make some things more entertaining. Anyway, I'll think about it. Kisses!

Things I Thought I Could Live Without But Really Can't

And now it's time for an edition of: Things I Thought I Could Live Without But Really Can't.

1. Drinking yogurt that tastes like Skittles
2. My feet
3. Celebrity status and people telling me I'm so handsome
4. Money
5. 5th grade boys who think they're so tough, but really they're wearing a handkerchief around their neck and man capris.
6. Engrish
7. A sports mascot (A Samsung Lion) who has two cubs that do back flips and walk on their hands for entertainment.
7A. Cheerleaders at baseball games
8. Dried seaweed that tastes like popcorn
9. Banking that is both easy and logical
10. Brand new buildings that still look like they were built in the late 70s.
11. An impending war with a border country and a plummeting currency
12. Traditional medicine and traditional markets
13. Men still being in charge
14. Soju
15. Scooters on the sidewalk
16. Fan death
17. Street food
18. Street drinking
19. People who have an obsession with sports I am barely familiar with
20. An ironic prevalence of English signage but very few English speakers
21. Girls wearing eye patches
22. Public urination
23. People who think I'm fluent when all I say is "hello" in Korean.
24. Tomatoes being considered both a fruit and an appropriate desert like apples or watermelon.
25. Chopsticks - so much variety in their usage
26. Kimchi and rice (this one is a lie)

I know that list could have been très funny, but the things I could think of were either more genuine or ironic than actually humorous. Sue me, you American dog. I'm sure I'll revisit this type of thing again. I really just wanted to mention Skittle yogurt and the kids that wear handkerchiefs and man capris. I thought of 24 others just to keep it going, but now that I look back, all those things deserve to be on there. Seriously, if you don't know about fan death, then check it out. Bizarre. It's actually almost as touchy a subject as North Korea. No joke.

Two Very Different Parts to the Same Post

Let's start positive and personal. Today is my dear Nana's birthday. She's turning 85. She's tied with my mother as the most generous, giving lady I know. For my whole life, she's been watching over the whole family as the matriarch and queen. But what a generous queen. Much better than that crazy lady Elizabeth. What does she even rule anyway? Nothing. Nana rules a family. My family. She's always been there to step in quietly and give love and support to anyone who needed it. Always giving, giving, giving. And don't even get me started on how awesome of a cook she is. If there is anyone who deserves to have a great birthday, it's my Nana. So, please, wish her a happy birthday today. She's such a wonderful lady.

She is also, however, a worrier, passing that worry down to her daughter. Although they have both been out of town for the weekend celebrating the 85th anniversary of my Nana's birth, I wonder if they've heard about the growing tensions between the divided Koreas. The air is getting tense here and it's by far the biggest story going on. In case you are not aware, let me recap:

In March, the ROKS Cheonan (a South Korean warship) blew up dramatically, split in half, and sunk into the sea killing everyone on board. At first, I heard that it was because they struck an old Korean War mine that somehow drifted into them. Then, I heard it was the sole fault of the U.S. accidentally running some tests which went awry. Then, maybe over a week ago, it was confirmed that North Korea was behind it. They extracted the ship's remains from the sea bottom and found parts of a torpedo with Korean lettering on it. Of course, North Korea is still denying it, but there really is no other viable suspect. As such, South Korean President Lee Myung bak made an announcement on Monday that South Korea would cease all positive interaction with the North. No Northern planes over Southern airspace, no Northern ships in Southern waters, no trade, etc. Sanctions. Also, they're reimplementing the propaganda campaign at the border (loudspeakers that blast positive messages about the South, like how obesity is a problem instead of hunger and how women are allowed to do things besides get pregnant and secret police won't kill you if you speak your mind, etc). Kim Jong il has stated that the North would destroy any propaganda campaign begun by the South and would take aggressive actions against any sanctions. Today, Kim Jong il has stated that North Korea will cut ties with the South completely. Not surprising considering the two Koreas once had a dick measuring competition to see who could build the tallest flagpole at the DMZ. Both sides are threatening warlike action against the other and there hasn't been this much tension between them since the 80s.

As is the case with the flagpole, I suspect this will not lead to war, but rather to a case of one-up-manship. It'll just be a contest to see which Korea can rely on the other Korea less. Obviously, South Korea will win, but North Korea will survive by the skin of its yellow country teeth, too. You see, China provides a huge crutch to North Korea. Any sanctions put on the North by the international community will just be filled in by China. The reasons for this are purely economical. With North Korea as an ally, China has a port on the Sea of Japan and doesn't have to deal with millions of North Korean refugees. China stands to gain from the Koreas staying divided. A stronger, united Korea will most likely have the U.S. as an ally, which will put us right on their border. Also, the Korean wonder economy of the 20th century would turn into the wonder economy of the 21st century. China doesn't need that competition.

Anyway, back to my personal situation. If war does happen to break out, I am within easy reach of one of the four military bases here which will be holding mass scale evacuations for U.S. citizens and I will be well out of reach of Kim Jong il's leathery stroke victim grip by the time he would reach anywhere near Daegu. He'd have to get through Seoul first, which would be a pretty tough task in itself. I'm honestly not worried. I'm more worried about my undying urge to buy an electric guitar. Actually, out of this whole thing, I'm most pissed about the Korean won falling in value dramatically. I made $200 less this month because of it. And I'm sorry to Nana for putting a picture of you in the same post as a picture of Kim Jong il.

The Trip That Broke My Body

I just have so much to update you guys on. I haven't even updated about Wednesday, nonetheless the weekend. I guess I should start there-ish.

Wednesday was the IAAF (don't ask me what that stands for) Something Something Pre-Championship Something Meet Something Thing Fest at the local World Cup Stadium. What it was was an international (a clue into what the "I" stands for) track and field meet. There was running, hammer throwing, triple jumping, and pole vaulting. The best part? Usain Bolt.
Here he is winning at the 100 meter run. That guy is fast. He almost beat his record again. I think he was about .1 or .2 seconds behind his record. The thing I loved the most about this track and field meet was that every race or competition had at least two Koreans competing for good measure. If you look in the picture above, you can probably find out where the Koreans are. It was this way every race. It was a schadenfreude moment, I'd say. Anyway, enough about that pretentious Jamaican and his little fun time happy race. Let's talk about me.

Thursday after work, (Friday was a national holiday: Buddha's birthday) 12 other dudes, one married woman, and I hit up the Seobu Bus Terminal and we headed on the first leg of our journey to Seonyudo Island. This was a 4 hour bus ride to Gunsan, a crappy little town with nothing but love motels and Chiness food (that's what the sign said. I'm assuming they meant Chinese, but you never know around here). We kicked it in front of the bus terminal for a while and had a good time until the wee hours of the morning. After crashing, we got up and took a ferry onto the island to officially begin "Sausagefest 2010."

Seonyudo is nothing short of beautiful. I'm not really sure how to tactfully do this, so I'm just going to post pictures intermittently so you can get an idea, as you read, of what Seonyudo looked like. After checking in to our beach house room thing, the first order of business was to get 1) soju, and 2) bikes. This proved to be both a good and bad idea. The bikes were, of course, a good idea, but under the influence of alcohol, I made the worst decision of the trip. The beach is riddled with islands. Most importantly, this little bastard:
I thought it would be a good idea to swim over there with a couple of other guys and climb it. Of course, I'm barefoot. Well, by the time I get to the top, my feet are cut up and bleeding. Turns out the island is nothing but jagged, barnacled up oyster rocks that are razor sharp. Oh well, I think. I ended up having to cut a chunk of rock out of my feet. Really nasty stuff. I'm just hoping the cuts don't get infected. I'm cleaning them intermittently, but I'm afraid that because (let's be serious) I have to use my feet almost constantly, they won't have enough time to heal. I don't really want to be limping around Korea for the next six months or so. Anyway, I'll stop being a buzzkill and get to the really bizarre part.

On the way back through the beach, we ran into other foreigners (naturally). As we were talking to them, a couple of others rolled up on bikes. I recognized one of them. Turns out, the guy went to my high school. One year behind me. We even hung out with some of the same crowd back then. How weird is it to run into someone from Winchester, Virginia on a secluded island half way across the world? It was really bizarre because I just happened to be wearing my high school gym shirt that day. Naturally, that called for a beach bonfire. I love it when everything works out like that. A bunch of people coming together through the magical powers of liquid courage, making a fire, bringing guitars, and just talking and enjoying the beautiful night.

It was good to get enjoyment out of the beautiful weather that day because for the rest of the trip it rained. Not just rained, but tornado warning, hurricane type of sideways windy rain. Nothing was saved. We ended up watching Zombieland in our hotel room and then braving the elements to go "downtown" (really, the only inhabited street on the island) to get food. Places like that have to capitalize, so the place we chose was both a fried chicken joint and a noraebang. I participated in the noraebang part and tore up some Bruce Springsteen, as I am wont to do. The best part about that place is the owner has his dog walking around. Ajumma (old woman). She's the cutest little spaniel, but she's got a rasta tail. It's dreadlocked and looks like she has two tails like a freakish dead fetus Siamese twin type of thing. What can you expect on an island in Korea, right? We ended up talking to the owner of that place until about 3 in the morning. He goes by "MacGyver" because he's so handy. This guy lives the life. For the warmer six months of the year he lives on the island running his restaurant with his dog, fishing, and then for the other six months he lives in the mountains (still with his dog). The guy's got no problems.

So, some highlights.

1) We met a disproportionate number of South Africans whom I got a kick out of when they spoke in Afrikaans. It sounds a little like English and German with some African flare thrown in. I even got video, but I'm not gonna show you.
2) One of our group had a little too much and crashed his bike. He looked so messed up for the rest of the weekend. Cuts all over his body. The only one who got it worse than me. But not the worst on the island. The night of the bonfire, someone crashed his motor scooter and ate some pavement really bad. He had to be shipped off the island to a hospital. Blood all over the place. All because some Korean lady came up while he was riding by and started hitting him for God knows what reason.
3) Several folks ate oysters right off the beach. I was told it was really salty. Weird. I'm not sure if that was a good plan or not. 4) I got burnt. Like real bad.
5) Some others in the group had to stop a man from beating his wife. Like real intense Cops type of stuff. He broke a bottle and was going after her with it. The bitch of it was that when the wagooken got involved, all the other standersby (who were doing nothing up to this point) started yelling at them. Sorry, we're just trying to stop a woman from getting stabbed with a hobo dagger.6) Expect a video of me and about seven other dudes running into the ocean in our underwear to pop up on the innerwebs sometime soon. Not from me, but it'll probably be on Yahoo! News right next the inappropriate cute kitten videos. How is that newsworthy? Seriously, Yahoo! News, it's time to take yourself more seriously.
7) Sleeping on the floor for three days straight takes it out of ya. I'm glad to have a bed tonight.

Anyway, my body is kind of broken. Between living off of ramen and alcohol, sleeping on the floor, cutting the crap out of my feet, getting terribly sunburnt, and the lack of proper clean facilities and sleep have taken it's toll on me. I feel like this weekend took time off of my life. I need a rest, and school is going to come way too soon tomorrow. Still, I don't regret it. I had an amazing time on that island.My analysis of Seonyudo: (first of all, sorry that I'm all over the place. I'm not a good writer and I don't plan things out before I start tippy typing) it's a beautiful island that I would love to come back to when it is consistently nice to hike and explore more. The people one meets there are awesome, intelligent people from all over the world (and even some from Winchester, VA). The food options are somewhat scarce. Like most islands, prices are driven up. However, this is made up for by the beach being great and scenic. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll make it back. It's a little far for a weekend trip and there are so many other places to check out before I leave this mystical land (that is, unless some visiting friends or family want to go check it out). So, we'll see what time and life brings.

Weekend Fun

So I had my open class today (where the DMOE grades me on my teachin' abirities) and I tuh-tuh-tuh-tore it up well enough. I mean, well enough to not have to attend extra training. That's what I was going for. I'm a "bare minimum" kind of guy.

Anyway, I'm going to "Sausagefest 2010" on Seonyudo Island for the three day weekend (big B's birthday here), so I won't be around to annoy you with my posts. Should be a good time. 13-14 dudes and one married woman. At least the island will be beautiful and not hairy. So, that's all I"ve got. I'll update when I get back. Loves ya!

Korea's and My Third Mensiversary

I know you know that I know that you know that I know that you know that I'm making up the word "mensiversary." It really should be a word, because there just isn't a word for "three month anniversary." You can't use "anniversary" in good faith because that implies a year. Being annual and all. Anyway...

Korea, you have spoiled me rotten for three months. It has been a wild ride so far, and it's hard to believe that my contract is about 1/4 of the way over. Where has the time gone? Morris Day, you better get a lasso around your boys, or at least one of those invisible fences, because this is unacceptable.

As a tribute to you, I wanted to post my top ten favorite pictures I've taken of you. What this made me realize was that a) I am a terrible photographer, and b) that I have had some good times and seen a lot of stuff. So, even though I'm carting around with a dirty lensed point and shoot that I barely know how to use properly, I wanted to post my favs thus far. They are either for aesthetic reasons or sentimental reasons. You've probably seen all of these already in other posts because I just can't keep a secret and I automatically post all my best crap. No cards up this kid's sleeve. By the way, they are neither in chronological order nor in order of favorite-ness. They are in whatever order I want them to be, so I took each photograph's file number, divided it by 7, and then placed it in order according to its last decimal point.

#1:
Gyeongbukgong, Seoul (second time). This is the most standard "photo" photo. I just think it's a good lookin' throne room.

#Dos Equis:
Jeil Church, Yangnyeongsi Market, Daegu. This is one of the three churches that I walk by on my way to or from downtown (they are all pretty stunning). At night, after abusing alcohol, it is the most peaceful, serene walk home wherein I can gather my thoughts and just feel good about life. I also love the walk home because I get to smell the traditional medicine street. A symphony of smell. Every time.

#Threeve:
Tripitaka Koreana, Haeinsa. Look, I told you you'd seen these before, but how can I not include the money shot?

#Qatar:Bulguksa, Gyeongju. I'm not sure what it is about this pic. Maybe the typical "temple" look. Maybe the timeline represented: young love followed by a young family weilding a toddler. Maybe it's that the yellow is highlighted at just the right color to look golden. You be the judge.

#5:
Duryu Park, Daegu. This picture just has so much going on in it. Maybe not at first glance, but I could study this picture for a few minutes and not get bored. But, maybe not for more than three or four minutes. Does that say that I'm easily entertained? Most likely.

#Sisty sis:
Some bar, Seoul (first time). This picture encompasses what a Korean weekend is. There's too much alcohol on the table, a perplexed look on your face, and it all ends up a complete blurry mess in the end. That's why I love this pic.

#Sieben:Taejeongdae, Busan. I like how the only hint of color is in the sky, and only in the middle of the picture. And I think it's framed fairly ok. Trust me, it was an accident it turned out this well. I was going for something much worse.

#Octopus:Sports Day!, Namsan Elementary School, Daegu. I think this picture kind of encompasses Sports Day. You see the dirt, the kids, the competition in their eyes, and you get an idea of how many people were present that day. I must admit, most of the reasons I included this picture are sentimental reasons. But it's my blog, so there.

Number nine, number nine, number nine, number nine...:
Daegu from Woobang Tower. How can I not include a picture of the 'Gu? This is ma home, bra! Brings a little tear to my eye just looking at it. Obviously more sentimental than aesthetic. Daegu is not that pretty of a town.

#Tin:Haeinsa. This is a fitting last picture. Two people (my neighbor and her friend) walking away down a peaceful Korean temple entrance road.

Now, I know you're surprised that not one of those ten pictures includes my mug. I'm surprised, too. You'd think that at least one of those ten would see an appearance by Blad Wentworth Cruise Wirris, but it just wasn't in the cards. I enjoy buildings, history, scenery, and sentimentality more than looking in the mirror. That would make me probably the most un-Korean person I know. Honorable mentions go to Palgongsan, Daejeon baseball, and the Korean Folk Village. Well, maybe not.

Haulin' Ass

Saturday was all about haulin' ass. My plan was to hit Haeinsa, one of the three "Jewel Temples" of Korea. So, my neighbor and her friend and I hit up the Seobu bus terminal for a good time. A good time we had, too. I tell you what, that bus trip should be added as a ride at Woobang Land.Just so you know what the interior of a Korean charter bus looks like. They love having curtains all over them things. One bus I was in looked like it belonged to a Bollywood pop star or something. Ridiculous. Anyway, that bus driver did not know what a brake pedal was. He hauled some serious ass the whole way down the highway, through the tunnels, and up windy mountain roads. Unforgettable.

The temple itself is really quite spectacular. We had the good fortune of coming on a perfect day weather wise as well as being less than a week from Buddha's birthday when all the lanterns are up, giving the whole place a much more colorful look and feel.History lesson: I will not sound like a textbook. Haeinsa is a still functioning Buddhist temple that was built as a symbol of dharma in 802 A.D. Sitting on the cusp of Gayasan National Park, the whole complex is pretty visually arresting. Dramatic mountains rise up from behind the temples, and it actually gave me a sense of inner peace. Beyond just aesthetics, Haeinsa is home to the oldest wooden sculpture in Korea (naturally, of Buddha).

The real icing on the cake is that Haeinsa is also the home of the Tripitaka Koreana, a collection of 80,000 wooden blocks of Buddhist doctrine. This may not sound that impressive, but think about how long it would take 30 men to carve 80,000 wooden blocks with over 50 million Chinese characters. That's on top of the process it took to get these wooden blocks. Finding the right size tree, chopping it down, soaking the wood for three years in seawater, cutting the wood into shape (and that's if the wood didn't have any warps or imperfections. If so, you just wasted three years on that log), boiling the wood slabs, then letting them sit sheltered from the sun and rain for another three years, and then carving tiny Chinese characters into them. Not only that, but this was done during a time of war, and there is not one mistake on any of the slabs. The most impressive part is that after almost 800 years, they have not deteriorated. They can still make perfect ink prints from the carvings, and it's all thanks to the way they are housed in the temple. The Tripitaka Koreana and Haeinsa Temple were almost destroyed during the Korean war, but the bomber disobeyed orders because he knew that there was priceless historical treasure below. What a tragedy that would have been.

Anyway, you're not allowed into the buildings where they house the Tripitaka and you're not allowed to take pictures of them, but you knew I would pull through for you, my readers. Right? I maybe sometimes pull through for you. Anyway, this is an authentic pic from my camera, I promise. It really wasn't that hard. You can see into the buildings through the bars and if you wait until nobody is around (or just play the clueless foreigner card) it's pretty easy to stick your camera in there and oops! My camera went off. Anyway, money shot.

So, Haeinsa was really nice. I liked this pic of the temple entrance.Apparently, Haeinsa is also renowned for having some good bibimbap and makkeoli. So, naturally, I had to try both. Bibimbap is usually a vegetarian dish anyway, but it differs in Haeinsa because they have to make it vegan for the monks' diet. It was pretty good. The makkeoli tasted like makkeoli. Maybe I don't have a taste for good makkeoli or something.

So, after hauling ass back home, I took it easy for a couple of hours in the apartment. At about 9:30 or so, I was surprised to hear the sound of rhythmic clanging and drums. I stepped out and I made out the familiar sounds of traditional Korean music. I followed it and soon stumbled upon a parade that I had no prior knowledge of. I'm assuming it was for Buddha's birthday. Now here's how this parade differed from any parade I've ever seen before (besides the obvious fact that there were only Koreans in it). Instead of closing off the street, they just closed off two lanes and had the parade on the side of the street. This made me realize two things:

1. Korea is so busy and crowded that they can't close streets to traffic. It felt like a perfect example of how old traditions are being overshadowed by global economic growth and prosperity. Korea is literally growing too fast to keep up with itself.
   
2. By letting traffic continue, the parade would have to stop at every red light, like traffic, and then haul ass to catch up to the back of the next section. I can't tell you how humorous it is to see a parade float holding Little Miss Daegu 2010 hauling ass down the street, blaring some extremely loud (and bad) Korean lounge music as cars honked and traffic continued mere feet away.
   

Anyway, that was more long winded than I anticipated. They had the standard boy scouts and marching bands (seen above) and PTA members or whatever. I think the best part was when a float came by with some other pageant winner waving, but the float has a giant paper mache elephant on it and every two seconds it plays elephant sound effects really loudly. She was probably deaf by the end of the night.

The rest of the night was a standard Saturday. We went to this bar/club/thing that was really unintentionally entertaining. It's a really bad sign when they have to post this on the wall:I mean, especially in Korea where they kind of just silently expect you to respect their establishment and respect is always given thusly. A sign like this means one thing: American military comes here. Imagine if you will a tall bulldyke making out with a very short but mean spirited bald guy, a very obese Korean girl being sandwiched on the dancefloor by two skinny army kids, and then a couple of random Korean dudes dancing awkwardly alone, yet surrounded by thugged out black guys. We literally just sat at a table and watched this scene silently for about 20 minutes before someone finally mentioned maybe leaving. I would complete the theme by saying we hauled ass out of there, but we had been drinking, so no hauling was to be done.

This post is getting really long, so I'll just finish by saying that today was spent leisurely walking around to places I've been to before (Seomun Market, Dalseong Park), doing things that I do every weekend (shooting heroin and soliciting hookers...erm, I mean petting puppies and eating ice cream).

The Lion's Den

So, my fellow English teachers will understand me when I say the Koreans have something resembling a communication problem. I'm not bashing their English, no. I mean they tend not to tell us things. Or, if they do, they are vague about any pertinent details so we're left wondering for a while.

I was told a few days earlier that on Wednesday we were to go watch our teachers' volleyball team play. I thought, cool, it'll be just like the last time when we all went out to the playground and hit a ball around. No, sir or ma'am. This was epic. This was a tournament being held in Duryu Park for a ton of schools. This was a serious event.

So I came fairly ill prepared (at least I remembered my bitchin' shades) as usual and proceed to get sunburned...again. Hey, at least I'm working on a spicy red base tan, right? Anyway, my school lost their first two games, thus they were eliminated from the tourney pretty early on. We found some shade in the stands and watched the remainder of the games enjoying the quiet solace of a beer. I think the best part of the whole thing was when this giant dust tornado came sweeping through the field of play and literally blew things away. I'm talking shade tents into the bleachers strong. One of the coolest things I've seen in a while.

I tell you what. My teachers may have lost, but they definitely party helluva harder than my Western friends. That night, I did something I've never done before. I mixed 5 different types of alcohol. Beer, soju, cognac, wine, and makkeoli. The quintuple threat. That was a party. First, we went to this restaurant where I ate very little due to the spiciness (first course. RED HOT RED HOT RED HOT) or the gross factor (second course). I'm not a huge fan of unidentifiable slimey fish things that resemble snot in both consistency and taste. So, having a somewhat light dinner, the alcohol put an extra spin on things (pun intended). It didn't help that later we went to a makkeoli joint and the principal made me chug numerous bowls with him. Later still, all the women teachers were told to leave (what a culture, right?) and the men (I was told) converted to using extremely salty language. Guys night! I was taught two of the worst words in the Korean language, but I, of course, forgot them. Now how am I going to pick up chicks?

The general topic of the night was not how handsome I was, surprisingly. Instead, it was how much everyone loves me and how they can tell I care about the childrenses. They really know how to flatter a guy in this country. I tell you what. I think they're trying to get me to stay here forever. Admittedly, when the number 3 in charge at my school (what do you call that? Speaker of the House?) held my hand under the table as he talked to me I started to miss home a little bit.

Speaking of, I got beef with you, America. Riddle me this: how come in Korea, when you're too drunk to drive your own car home, you can call a company who will send a guy out to drive your car home with you in it for around $10, but in America you have to take an expensive taxi or drive drunk? And if it's because some jerk would file a lawsuit because the driver didn't drive his car perfectly, then I'm going to punch Uncle Sam in the face. Who's the backwards country, now?

So, today was fire drill day all around Korea. Instead of being just a lame fire drill where all the kids line up outside just to go back inside five minutes later, they get the fire department to bring in a truck and give a demonstration of the cool toys they get to play with.
This included a quick seminar on how to use a fire extinguisher (they actually lit a fire on the dirt playground and one lucky student got to put it out). All in all a better experience than the fire drills we used to have in school. I actually chuckled in awe at one point. Them cannons shoot far, bra!

What Dreams May Come

The last 24 hours have been a long set of extremely anxious minutes and seconds. I am feeling restlessly artistic, longingly expressive, ecstatic with life, and pensively depressed all at the same time. I don't know if I've ever felt this way before. I think I think too much about a lot of things.

I had the strangest dream. I often have the strangest dream (no, not the same one. Different ones, silly). It began with me being outside in the early evening, when dusk is setting in and you can make out the moon in the sky. I was in some dirt yard, not unlike that of my school, but the city I occupied was a Gothic dream. I don't know why all the cities I have dreams about are so Gothic. I think subconsciously I believe Gothic architecture to be among the most darkly haunting and beautiful architecture out there. Anyway, I looked up at the moon, and slowly it started moving. Swaying back and forth. Eventually it fanned out like a pendulum and gained momentum, swinging across the evening sky quickly. This movement was too much for the poor moon, and massive piles of dust and surface eventually began falling off of it until the shrinking moon disappeared.

The dust that was formerly the moon had nowhere to go but to enter Earth's orbit and eventually atmosphere, catching aflame in its first breath of air. It was too much dust, though, and it continued to fall at various places around the Earth. My current Gothic metropolis was, of course, one of the places a massive dirt pile landed. The dirt's hard landing created a rumble and destroyed many buildings and lives.

With the moon now gone, the Earth's rotation was subsequently thrown off and things began getting weird. A strong wind picked up (maybe because we were going through space faster? I don't know, it was a dream. You can't control the lack of physics or whatever) and started sending houses (full, intact houses, mind you) floating into the air. There were many just floating down the streets like a lazy river ride at an amusement park. My first thought, as I recovered from the stun of the dust landing, was to find my family and then to watch the news, if there was any, about what was happening. When my mother floated by in her house (some Victorian style thing), we chatted for a minute as though that were a normal thing to do, I established that everyone was ok, and then continued on, looking for a place to see the news. I began walking in the wind a little too nonchalantly for the present situation.

I eventually reached the staggeringly beautiful ruins of a church. I stopped to stare at it and take a picture for just long enough to have my environment change to something resembling Southeast D.C. at night. Naturally, some hoodlums began harassing me. I quickly walked away, trying to not aggravate the situation and eventually noticed that the leader of the posse had stolen my camera. For some reason, I was more upset at this than at the world ending. When I began talking to some gas station attendant looking guy about how I needed to buy a new camera, my alarm went off and awoke me for Monday morning.

The work day came and went, and although I thought I would dread it, I actually ended up enjoying it, and notably enjoying the afternoon. It was one of those therapeutic afternoons where we planned a couple of games and made materials.

I got home and played guitar for nearly two hours. I realized it is time to begin the next art project. I am going to go buy a canvas right now. I'll be back in an hour. No boys while I'm gone. You're on your own for dinner. Ok, kisses. Bye.

Palgongsan...OWNED

Like I said before, I took it rather easy this weekend. As such, I woke up fairly refreshed and ready for a full day on Sunday. The decision was to meet some folks and go to Palgongsan, the tallest mountain in the area. I had been wanting to hike Palgongsan since the weather started getting nice. This weekend was spectacular (weather-wise) so it seemed a good a week as any to hike around a mountain.
I'm not gonna lie. We took the cable car up to the top. It was so easy, and the name was too alluring:
I believe the 700 is a reference to how many times you will be happy if you ride the Happy 700 happy car. I feel ripped off because I only counted being happy 694 times. But, as a consolation prize we hiked down. Hey, at least we did that! We could have just as easily gone back down the cable car. Oh, there were protests. There were. Some wanted to take the easy way out. But not this kid. I wanted to hike all over that mountain. This was no easy feat. Treacherous and rocky. Sweaty and hot. The top half of the mountain was rife with all sorts of cool rock formations to climb all over and almost fall to your death on.Yes, this is the actual trail. One part even had a rope that you had to grab onto to progress on the trail. At points, I felt like I was part of a parkour troupe going down that mountain. Everyone would take the route that most suited them, trail be damned. It was often safer to take a progression of rocks instead of the slippery pepples all over the trail. And, as with any mountain hiking area in Korea, there are so many options for the intrepid Korean hiker. You can take a hike, like a pathetic loser, or you can take a hike and get your gym on with the outdoor gym equipment, picnic on a rock face, go golfing:Drink your ass off on soju at the local stores, have your kids play on the swings, climb a fake rock wall, or pick your choice of any of the roosters or chickens at the local chicken...place dump factory thing...My goal was to visit one of the two temples on the mount, but being a treacherous, tree filled, rocky mountain face made it difficult to get our bearings and find how to get to said temples. I will be here for 9 more months (wow, how the time flies) so I have plenty of time to find those damn temples. I couldn't help but think of how Alissa would have a field day with all the nature photography opportunities on the top half of that mountain. Birds and bees (not the sex talk) and all sorts of little critters running around in the Spring heat. I'm including the Korean hikers all decked out in hiking gear, carrying their backpacks and walking sticks in that "critter" statement. Ajummas hiking faster than 20 year olds, children who are probably too small to be hiking up a mountain with no safety barriers. Dogs, cats, mimes. Ok, I'm lying about the cats and the mimes, but wouldn't that be sweet to see a cat carrying mime climbing a mountain like there's no tomorrow?

Anyway, Palgongsan is a village of family activity and wholesome fun. I still need to get up to the top of Apsan (the #2 mountain in Daegu. Remember how I went and started to climb it with Mr. Lee and then the rain came in like the Dickens?). I hear it has better views than Palgongsan. At least of Daegu city. I ate a ton of Korean food today and now I'm at home drinking a bit of Korean alcohol. It just falls in line with me being called a "Korean man" last night. Apparently I'm not like other Americans. I'm hoping it was meant as a compliment.

Everybody Knows This Is Nowhere

My leisurely weekend schedule allows me to update on a Saturday. Really odd, I know. I'm usually out tearing up Korea with my maniacal swagger. I felt the gears slowing down a bit recently, so I decided to take a weekend to stay in town, hang out with #1 (that's me, by the way, not some secret lover I haven't told you guys about), and catch up on the sleep. Thus, I am hanging out in my apartment in my underwear at noon on a Saturday with some orange juice and a fried egg sandwich. What a mental image, right?

Before I get into the meat and potatoes, I just wanted to let you know that my co-teacher was teaching the children with me the other day and she tried to teach them "piece of cake." That's cool with me, but when she says it, it sounds like "piss up cake." Is that some British slang or is she commanding them to piss up a cake?

I realized that I have not updated since Tuesday. Unacceptable. The next time that happens, please just punch me out. Through the computer or Skype or whatever. Let's see. Wednesday I went on some kind of thing that may or may not be construed as a date. I mean, I wasn't thinking it was because she mentioned a boyfriend and called me a strange man, but then she had that longing look in her eyes at the end and it was real awkward. Anyway, we saw Iron Man 2, or as the Koreans call it (in Steve phonetics), "Ah-ee-un-man(uh)." It was decent. The way they resolved some of the problems in the plot was a little silly, but it is a comic book movie.

So, I was just going to post some pics of strange Korean things. Mostly to do with Engrish. Here you go (with my unnecessary but necessary commentary):I'll start with something I already mentioned. This is the peep hole into the sky toilet. Have a look see, just don't get wet!Couldn't they have just picked an ear or a nose for their sign? Or maybe that just ties into the whole Korean thing about breasts giving life and it's really a spiritual message.Jesus, what a positive message. I tell you, the Korean advertising schemes are really unique. But, they're catchy. I'll always know GoGo now. Sometimes I wonder if these are intentionally stupid. Of course the Traditional Medicine Festival would have a Nintendo Wii stand. It's for the health, after all. They love that statement. Everything is for the health here. They have a beer that says it's "for the health of young generation" because it has fiber in it or some crap like that (pun intended). And on that note:When do people sit down and say to other people, "Yeah, this sentence makes the point I'm trying to make about selling clothes," and then the other people nod and agree? Oh that's right, they just use Google translate for their important business matters. That's all I've got right now. I'm Audi 5000.

May I Present...CHILDREN!!!

As I am contractually obligated to be at my school today when there is no school in progress, I have nothing to do but update my blog for you. It's not so bad, I suppose. I consider myself very lucky thus far in my dealings with Korea, so having to come to school when contractually obligated is not a big loss. The biggest gripe I can see with it really is that I'd rather be sleeping right now or outside. It is a beautiful day today, as it was yesterday...on Sports Day!

Sports Day is like Field Day in the U.S., wherein all the children of the school get together and compete in a series of games (running, tug of war, relay races, etc) but with a Korean twist to it: there is an opening and closing ceremony involving rockets and each class does at least one dance, always involving props and some cheesy song. All the parents take off of work and spend the day watching their children compete. As one of the official photographers, I was able to get right up into the action and sneak a few pics with my personal point and shoot. I will let the pictures do most of the talking:

Opening ceremony involving the principal pushing the "Rockets GO!!" button. When they first brought it out, I thought they were going to do a fireworks show or blow some TNT, the way they were preparing it. The kids doing a dance involving the South Korean flag as their prop. Relay race. Notice the rocket hanging from the flag line in the pic below:After lunch, there was the "X and O" game. One teacher asks the students questions, O means it's true, X means it's false, or yes or no or whatever. I don't speak Korean, so cut me a break. One of the questions, as I can tell from lack of translation, was whether or not the American could kick his shoe farther than the P.E. teacher. I beat him, but just barely. And only because my shoe was bouncier.

The sixth graders had to compete pushing this oddly shaped ball around in a circle many times. Sidenote: the kid who is wearing the gray striped shirt in the middle there is the Undertaker. Always with the wrestling moves, that kid. Umbrella dance! 3rd and 4th grade.

Hurdles! When one kid would knock a hurdle over, all the kids behind him or her would just run through the fallen part and skip the hurdles completely. Cheaters!The day would not be complete without kids falling on what look like the most comfortable Sealy posturpedic mattresses mid race.

All in all, the day was a blast. I got a little sunburned, but that's to be expected when it's 85 degrees outside and sunny. I was given free food and drink at my request (and often before I even thought to request), everyone was in high spirits, comraderie was at a maximum, and I didn't have to do any real work. If my co-teacher ever gives me the pics, I will post one of me in the ajumma visor I wore all day. That way you get an idea of what I would look like if I aged 50 years and became a woman. The visors here are all high tech, with sweatbands and visors that swivel as though they were welders' masks.