I win!

There, I got a ninth in...kind of...by cheating...except that there really are no rules and I can pretty much do what I want on this whole blog thing. Well, according to my rules (absolute power corrupts absolutely, mwahahaha), I made it to nine blog posts in October. I was considering stopping at seven. You know, so when you look over at the archives it says October (7)...like my birthday?

Actually, I feel pretty useless as a human being since I can't even update my blog with anything interesting in a full week. On the weekend of Halloween, no less! I am a disgrace to thrill seeking expats everywhere. Take me out to the pasture and put a steel rod in my head, why don'chya?

You're mad at me. I can tell. I know, I know. It's Halloween and I should have been out partying with the best of them, and I kind of was, but not full on debauchery style: dressed in a costume that either cost $300 or that I spent 6 hours making, doing shots off the sexy bartender and kicking the crap out of the school quarterback that everyone tolerates but nobody really likes. It was more subdued, and I was actually one of the two or three douche bags who didn't dress up in a bar full of people who did dress up. My douchiness was felt all over the bar.

How are the elections going? I haven't been paying attention too much because none of it really pertains to me since Virginia doesn't have any race going on (does the House really count? Really?). The only thing interesting is this from the New York gubernatorial race:




I would vote for this guy. At least he's got some sense. Sure he may suffer from PTSD as a result of Vietnam, but hey, is he really worse than any of the "real" politicians we put in office? Honestly.

Honestly. I'm glad to be away from all that garbage. Politics ruled the D.C. area (obviously), and I was sick and tired of it. Hearing everyone's nonsensical opinions on why they don't like this guy or do like that guy. Here, I can't understand the politics because it's in a foreign language. I can't understand idiots on the metro having conversations that make you doubt the future of mankind. I can't understand when I'm being made fun of in public. Ignorance is bliss.

Maybe I need to make something happen in order to have an eventful blog post. I think that was the idea when I started this thing, but it has just trailed off into stupidity and the daily routine. Spice it up a bit, Holcomb!

너무 추워

Give me a minute to catch my breath.

What the hell, God!? What gives? Two weeks ago it was pleasant enough. I didn't need a coat to go outside. I could generally navigate my apartment in comfort. Now--psh--now I need a heavy wool coat (the most expensive piece of clothing I've ever bought) just to go outside. I've contemplated turning the heat on. I can see my breath and the wind is biting. 너무 추워!

I calculated based on when it began getting warm in spring, and I've only got six months to go before it starts getting warm. Wait. SIX!? That doesn't work out right! November, December, January, February, March, April. So we get about six months of cold weather, a month combined of warm weather, then five months of ridiculously hot weather. Hmm, why does Korea advertise themselves as having four seasons? That seems like two seasons and a garnish.

In other news, guess who's gonna be Little Red Riding Hood in this play that the Daegu College of Education is putting on in English for all the little childrens. Guess blindly as I slowly bring two thumbs up to point at my own dastardly smiling face and proclaim, "This guy!" Yeah, two showings in November of a play that I will have helped write involving a fairy tale mash-up a-la Shrek, but designed for kids who don't really speak good English. I hope we get noticed by the Tony Awards. I'm planning on making it big with this one. Banking on it. Investing my life savings on it (ha, what life savings?). Seriously, who else here can say that they've had their bank charge an overdraft fee on their savings account because a $4 maintenance fee dropped the balance into the negative? Yeah...

I really want to try to get October's number of posts up a bit, so plan on me posting random worthless crap like this for a couple of days. Actually, maybe I'll just post one more October closer (clozer, not closer).

Hey, if you haven't checked this article out, I suggest you do immediately. It's staggering in a freak show or E! True Hollywood Story way.



Last worthless thing. Without further ado, I present...













...my dream car.Can you tell I ran out of things to say? Hopefully the weekend will be more eventful.

But This One Goes To Eleven

Hmm, random stuff to talk about...

Ah, let's talk about music. Let's be specific. Like Rolling Stone specific, except not paid by record companies to say one hot new band is going to be the next Skynyrd or whatever. Specific as in let's explore the top ten best skindamarinking albums of the most recent millennium. That is to say, the ten best albums that came out after January 1st, 2000...as Steve Holcomb rates them (and, keep in mind that I have not heard every album that came out after January 1st, 2000, so this list is also incomplete in scope and complete in bias. Take that!). Also, take that this list does not include live albums, compilations, or super deluxe max re-issues of old crap. So, *sigh* the top ten best original studio albums, according to Steve, that Steve has heard that came out after January 1st, 2000. As a Libra, I always have to keep things fair and am generally indecisive. As such, I could only narrow it down to eleven ("But this one goes to eleven.") and there's not a snowball's chance in hell that I ranked them from 1-10 (erm, 11). Thus they are in alphabetical order. Who am I kidding? I'll probably look at this tomorrow and think at least three of these need to be changed out. Don't gimme no lip.Animal Collective: Merriweather Post Pavilion. Since coming out last year, Merriweather Post Pavilion has steadily grown on me. Upon first listen, I thought, hey this sounds like the Beach Boys if they were born 30 years later, on acid that was made in a government lab (as opposed to the acid they were actually on), and maybe a bit more pretentious. Honestly, this album is a trip. Just look at the cover. The reason I made it so big is because it moves when you stare at it. In fact, the cover perfectly sums up the sound: trippy and maybe even nauseating, but entrancing and beautiful at the same time. On the first song, the vocalist sings, "If I could just leave my body for a night," and from there on out, the album takes you to places that you never thought you'd like. Actually, this album is fairly polarizing. Love/hate/love again/hate twice in a row/love forever.

Arcade Fire: Funeral. Arcade Fire's first album is appropriately named. Before production, various family members of the band line-up died, bringing some pretty raw emotions into production. It seems like every song is about death or loss, but not in an overly depressing way. Sometimes, it is just raw power ("Wake Up") and sometimes it is as delicate as a flower ("In The Backseat"). I can't count the times I've listened to this album. But that may go for most of the albums on this list.

Andrew Bird: The Mysterious Production of Eggs. This clown was introduced to me by my sister, who (believe it or not) influences my life considerably. Well, not lately, since I live 9,000 miles away. The first time I listened to this album, I thought, hmm, that's nice. Eventually, it got so bad that the paramedics had to pry this album off of my cold dead chest before resuscitating me back to life. I couldn't stop listening to this album and had each song from it stuck in my head at at least one point over the course of last summer. It's whimsical and light, yet heavy enough to help you feel.

The Flaming Lips: Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots. Let me get this out of the way. I have a man-crush on Wayne Coyne. If I were a supple young female, I would be won by his charm. With that said, Yoshimi is a great album. I wish there were more albums like this. Weird and electronic, yet still warm and human. Like Unit 3000-21, this robot has learned to feel. I also think "Do You Realize??" is one of the best singles to come off of any of the albums on this list.

Interpol: Turn On The Bright Lights. I'm going to be honest and confess my nerdiness. I didn't know how much I liked this album until Rock Band 2 came out and reminded me that "PDA" existed. After that, I gave Bright Lights another spin. I'm glad I did, because I would have missed out on a classic that, unfortunately, Interpol hasn't been able to replicate since. This release finds power song after power song. I don't know if there is a really weak track on the album.

Iron & Wine: The Creek Drank The Cradle. I remember the exact moment I began my journey with this album. I was about to go into the chaos that is Fairfax Circle when "Upward Over The Mountain" came on my iPod and distracted me. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I almost crashed into some Asian lady who didn't yield when she was supposed to. I made it safely, and began what would be a passionate relationship with Iron & Wine. Like most passionate relationships, however, ours too fizzled out and now we are just occasional lovers.

The Mars Volta: De-Loused In The Comatorium. I also remember where I was when I first heard this album, although the story is much less remarkable. I was driving to work...and I heard it through a friend. It was really like nothing else I'd ever heard before. It sounded like if Led Zeppelin just came out and had a heavy jazz influence mixed with an interest in the psychological subconscious instead of the blues. They would just get weirder after their debut.

Radiohead: Kid A. This is the oldest album on the list, clocking in at an October 3rd, 2000 release date. It took me a while to get into parts of this album. Particularly "Kid A" and "Treefingers" and the silent part between "Motion Picture Soundtrack" and the secret song. I remember the first time I saw Radiohead in concert, it was before I had heard this album. When they played stuff from it, I thought, hmm, that's interesting. Very electronic. Yeah, but this album got me into electronic based music. Good job, boys. A solid departure from OK Computer.

Radiohead: Hail To The Thief. Yes, sue me. I put two Radiohead albums on this list. When I was narrowing my list down from 17 or so, I had three. Along with the Beatles and Led Zeppelin, Radiohead hold a place in the triumvirate of British rock bands that have helped shape who I am. This 2003 album is based mainly as an attack on then President Bush. It's pretty biting. It is also a return to a more guitar oriented sound for the fivesome, but instead of returning to their earlier sound, they grew to incorporate their electronic period into a more traditional rock set up.

The Strokes: Is This It. You may notice that five of the past ten albums listed have been debut albums. I believe there's a reason for this and it points to a trend in the music industry. It's about attention span and maximizing profit. At some point in time, record companies must have realized that it's easier and cheaper to exploit some band for maybe three albums, each subsequent one trailing off a little bit into the ether, before dumping them. This is what happened to the Strokes, this is what may happen to Arcade Fire, to Interpol, and what should have happened to the Mars Volta. Actually, all three of the Strokes albums are fine works, but this first one is genre defining. So seemingly simple yet based from a more complicated formula. Albert Hammond, Jr. is clearly the star and main talent to me in this band.

Tenacious D: Tenacious D. This is more of an honorable mention than anything. It's just a coincidence that it also falls last on the list alphabetically. I had to include this comedy album because I think, not really by choice, I heard this album during college more than any other. It was a staple between me and my friends. It's coarse, vulgar, and it rocks. The Tenacious D movie pales in comparison and a lot of people can't stomach Jack Black, but this album brings fond memories for me of times past that will never return (sometimes I'm glad for that).

So, you've made it, eh? What do you think? I should probably quit this blogging thing or "expressing my opinion" and stick to teaching, which I'm also not very good at. Well, here's to being mediocre at everything, eh? Cheers, buddy. Say, has anyone ever told you you're kind of an asshole? You don't always have to call people out on their shortcomings. Sometimes, they are well aware without your citicism. I expect an apology soon.

The Busan Four and the Fireworks Galore Happy Special Hour

This weekend saw rain and an increasingly sick blog author. The highlight, however, was the Busan Fireworks Festival. On Saturday evening, I took the KTX down to Busan with three in company to see what would turn out to be the greatest fireworks display I'd ever seen.

First, however, we had to navigate the crowds. The subway was increasingly packed as we approached Kwangan-lee Beach. There were crowd control guys who would help pack people into the train. It was difficult to get lost or move, as all you had to and could do was follow the million (yes, literally there was a million people) others who were on their way to the beach. There was a point when I physically could not move from being packed into the crowd so tight. Eventually, we eyed an alleyway that led to an air conditioning unit, that led to a ladder, that led to the roof of a motel. We ended up getting some really great seats for the last 45 minutes of the show. Without further ado, here are a few mediocre pictures of fireworks taken with a mediocre camera with a nighttime picture phobia:
And to prove that I was indeed there:
It was really spectacular in person. The set up is what really made it. This marvel of a suspension bridge spanning the bay and boats exploding with fire all while pieces like "Ride of the Valkyries" played and a million people roaring at the highlights. Not to mention the panoply of lights around like a watered down Hong Kong.

Here's a picture of the most people I've ever seen at one time:And that's just one side. The other side was the same, in front of us was the same, not to mention all the people in the alleys and arteries of streets trickling back away from the beach. It was absurd how many people were there, and that goes to show that Korea can operate logically to make public urination legal in instances like this.

I also have video, but with a combination of the real name verification law for YouTube and Blogger's ineffective video upload process, I cannot show you. I think it actually may be my mediocre camera's fault. I don't know how to change the recording format (which is also why I can't seem to figure out how to make my videos compatible with Movie Maker) to be anything resembling an easy, compact file. Such is life, I suppose.

In other news, we spent the rest of the night wandering around in the rain, unsuccessfully trying to find a love motel to stay in (remember those million people I talked about? Yeah, apparently they all needed a place to sleep as well...and they plan ahead). As a result, I think I am getting sick (as I previously mentioned. Remember? Geez, you must be getting old). I can only hope that the pinnacle of this illness is not too bad and I can carry on with my life with minimal interruptions from the green sickness goblin.

It's Sunday night and I'm eagerly looking forward to Monday, wherein I can go to school and teach children who don't much care about English for five days straight before what may or may not be a crazy Halloween weekend. I will, as always (or at least sometimes, right?), keep you posted.

PACECISTS Unite!

My weekend was not worth mentioning besides the fact that I spent it with friends and they did a wonderful job of keeping my hopes high and the future looking bright. Instead of talking about that (sorry, guys and gals), I am going to mention the little things that pop up in my head from time to time. The little things that matter more than whatever I was doing at 9:43 PM on Friday.

Having a shower that gives me the freedom to do all my bathroom rituals simultaneously, my thought process has turned from lazy to absurd. I now wish there was a way that I could dry myself and get dressed for work while still in the shower. On these chilly October mornings, the shower feels so good when the temperature is slightly too hot. I make excuses to stay in there for longer. "Oh, I missed washing my left inner ankle, I better rewash my entire body for five more minutes."

Stray cats are a blessing in disguise. They are an indicator of coming weather patterns, they can show you to free food, and they are a great source of entertainment. As I walked home last night, I saw three stray cats playfully batting at each other. Someone turned on the proverbial waterworks. Oh, life is so precious, isn't it? I think life needs more stray cats. I'm going to start a coalition of some sort. Persons Against Confining or Euthanizing Cats Instead of Setting Them Stray. PACECISTS. I like it. You can donate through the Paypal link below:

Paypal - Donate Now!

Doing my laundry is kind of like the war on drugs. It's dirty, messy, nobody is ever going to win and I'm pretty sure there are backroom deals being made to keep it going forever. Having to hang dry my clothes limits the number of loads of laundry I can do a week. I can get two in if I'm really industrious and the weather allows (I just listen to the stray cats). Now think about it. Between completing loads, I am wearing clothes. Sometimes multiple items (sometimes just underwear [sorry for the mental image]). These items get dirty, and for every week I spend doing laundry, another load gets added to the list. That's just clothes. What about washing my sheets, my towels, my place mats? As you can see, this method of washing just doesn't seem to be compatible with my lifestyle. And don't even get me started on how poorly my washing machine completes its job.


Why does it seem like there's always a catch when it comes to my school lunches? Are you looking forward to those fried fish filets? Well watch out, because they have bones all up in them! That soup looks mildly attractive, doesn't it? Too bad it's SPICY AS HELL. You want some drinking yogurt? How about two? Put it back! You can only have one! But have as much rice as you want. That fruit looks like it is tasty. Oh, we put it in the garbage for a week before serving it to you. Those lunch ladies have a vendetta against me for some reason.

I guess life is full of surprises. Life, always chucking surprises at me. Well, I'm gonna start chucking something resembling an overflowing toilet that many Mexican construction workers have used recently back at life. See how life likes that.

Steve-topia?

Let's discuss what would make the perfect country, in my experience. I've been wanting to do this post for quite a long time, but I haven't found the time or place. Now that it's the lull before the weekend, I guess now is the perfect time and place. Nevermind that none of you will read this.

Not counting the Vatican (who would do such a thing!?), I have been to nine different countries on three different continents. That's definitely on the lower end of the travel spectrum compared to my expat friends, so don't consider it boasting. It's more like a meek confession. In my experiences, I have noticed things about a country that are better than in my homeland. Yes, believe it or not, not everything in the United States of America is best. Many things are--don't get me wrong--but you will get no blind patriotism here.

As such, I wanted to compile a list of things that are important to me in the made-up, perfect "most amazing awesometastic land in all the land" country contest. Keep in mind that the following message may reveal a bit about my personality. Here goes:

1. Let's not jump to any rash conclusions based on the fact that I thought of this first, but Public Drinking. This is legal in the French Quarter of New Orleans, a part of Las Vegas, and I think one street in Austin, Texas on certain dates. It is legal anywhere, everywhere, and at any time in Korea, Japan, and the Philippines. There's nothing like walking down the street, past a cop, drinking a tall boy. Asia -1, North America -0, Europe -0.

2. This is another Asia booster. No Tipping. Now, before all you servers and hairstylists and taxi drivers get upset at me, hear me out. Do you know why you rely on tips in the U.S.? Because you get paid crap. Blame capitalism and the individualistic attitude Western society has. Your boss is too stingy to pay you decently and you're not concerned with the well-being of the establishment you work at unless you're given incentive to do so. In Asia, they think collectively. What's good for the establishment is good for the employee. Hands down. They get paid decently so they don't need to rely on tips. Providing service is what they're paid to do. I'll give a half point to Europe because not everywhere I've been on that continent relies on tipping. Asia -2, North America -0, Europe -1/2.

3. This next one is extremely important. Nature. Yes, Mama Nature has to be thriving and well in my perfect country. Smog? Hell no. Birds? Hell yes. Give me some trees and some mountians! Although the parts of Korea that I've seen are somewhat lacking in breathtaking vistas, I still have to give Asia a half a point for Japan and the Philippines. North America definitely gets a point, and Europe gets a point for Switzerland alone. Asia -2 1/2, North America -1, Europe -1 1/2.

4. Also important for preserving #3 and keeping out that nasty smog. Bomb Diggity Public Transportation. I don't want to have to rely on a car to get where I'm going. Hell, even if a bus won't take me there, at least make taxis affordable. Ah, sorry again, America. Asia gets a point for most genius modes of cheap transport. Asia -3 1/2, North America -1, Europe -1 1/2.

5. It seems like everything I can think of is just to spite North America. Government Run Public Healthcare. Let's not even get into the situation in America. They get half a point for the half that has working healthcare (the Canadian half). All I know is that I call roll up into any joint and get any basic healthcare need for less than 10 bucks in Korea. Within reason, of course. And we all know Europe is full of communists, so their healthcare works. Asia -4 1/2, North America -1 1/2, Europe -2 1/2.

6. Ok, let's get more specific. My perfect country needs to have a Vibrant, Young, Attractive Population. Damn it, America, get your act together. You're on life support here. Sorry but if you come to Korea, you'll realize that Asia is where it's at. Everyone is thin here. And not for lack of food. There must be something in the kimchi here that keeps these girls attractive. Asia -5 1/2, North America -1 1/2, Europe -2 1/2.

7. I'm gonna cheat a little. It's the American way. This one's worth two points: Family and Friends. One for family, one for friends. Now, to all you Korean expat friends, don't be hasty. You are all from somewhere Western. Mostly the U.S. You will be going back there some day. Probably in the near future. So get off my back when I give both points to North America. Come on, what's a perfect country worth if it's full of strangers? Asia -5 1/2, North America 3 1/2, Europe -2 1/2.

8. What about peace, love, and understanding? A Second Official Language. I don't care if the first language is Hopi and the second is Punjabi. A bilingual population is an educated population. Now, I know that every continent I'm comparing has at least one country with a second official language, but I'm going to go with majority based on countries I've visited. So, in actuality, none of the three get points. Asia -5 1/2, North America -3 1/2, Europe -2 1/2.

9. This is an important cultural aspect. Diversity. This could go hand in hand with the previous point, but they are not one in the same. One thing I can't stand about Korea is the lack of diversity. It's all about homogeny in Asia. Let's just take food for example. My choices are usually Korean, Italian-Korean, Mexican-Korean, Japanese-Korean, or American-Korean. Yeah, fusion food is nice and all, but give me some diversity and some authenticity. Sorry Asia and Europe, nobody's got diversity covered like the melting pot of the world: North America. Asia -5 1/2, North America -4 1/2, Europe -2 1/2.

10. Ten's a nice, round number, right? Top ten blardy blars or top ten skindamarinks. Ok, fine. How's this for ten? Thriving Artistic Expression. I can't rightfully give Asia a full point. There is a thriving art scene in Seoul and in Japan, but where I live? Not a chance. Unless you count the fact that every Korean has a $3,000 camera, I can't swing more than half a point. We all know the other two contestants have an art scene worth boasting about.

Final tally: Asia -6, North America -5 1/2, Europe -3 1/2. Looks like my perfect utopia is more Asian than anything else. Perhaps a hint of that European feel, a dash of interesting history and culture, and that great North American diversity. What a place to live. Now, let's work on making it real.

The Just Slightly Bizarre Weekend

Friday night consisted of tequila and noraebang...the interesting thing is that spell check wants me to change "noraebang" to "noradrenaline," which I guess could also be applicable. Noradrenaline would probably be more fun if artificially induced, but I do not condone the use of drugs in any way. Erm, well...the illegal drugs anyway.

Saturday turned out to be a lovely day, despite the foreboding weather forecast of rain. The joke was on them. I got to see two Korean universities face off in a match of American football. Yeah, that's right. American football. Here's a picture to prove it:
Notice the sell out crowd. Honestly, I think we were five of maybe twenty spectators who were not affiliated with one of the teams somehow. This was the regional championship, too. Kyungpook University vs. Keimyung University. I guess the winner gets to go to state finals? It was ultimately an entertaining match, with Keimyung winning 26-14. You may wonder how well they played. That's a reasonable thing to assume, don't you think? Well, it's your turn to make an assumption based on this: the jokes were coming pretty loudly from our section of the stands (luckily in English). There was no passing game, not the best running game, or use of strategy, or kicking ability. What's left? Um...the uniforms looked nice? Honestly, I understand that American football is next to unheard of in Korea. It makes sense that the players would have the ability of junior varsity high school players. I think we were subconsciously bitter because none of us could feasibly watch real American football due to the time difference. Also, they completely forgot the fact that football requires sexy cheerleaders to be fully entertaining. I'm going to write Lee Myung-bak a letter.


Now, the crux of this post: the Korean wedding. I was invited last week to my principal's son's wedding. No, I have never met my principal's son. I still can't tell you his name. Having now experienced it, I now know why I was invited. Koreans will probably tell you some traditional reason for it that includes male co-worker camaraderie or Confucian style elderly deference. The real reason is right here on World Class Flaneur. Money. It is customary for each guest to give money as a wedding gift. Therefore, when a Korean gets married, he or she makes it a point to invite as many people as he or she possibly can. The normal acceptable amount is 30,000 won (about $25) for acquaintances (or in this case, complete strangers) and 50,000 won for closer friends. The gift giving certainly seemed a little impersonal, but then, so did the entire wedding. You'd logically think, "Hey, the more people they invite, the more expensive the wedding will be, right?" Wrong.

In America, weddings are usually in a church, winery, historic site, country club, beach, back yard, etc. In Korea, a vast majority of weddings take place in a wedding hall. This particular one was called the Wedding Castle, and, as I understood it, there were going to be seven or eight weddings that day. There were three going on as ours was. Since it takes place in a public wedding hall (with a buffet lunch), it's OK to pack as many people as possible in. You rent the room regardless of amount of people.

As you come in, you get your meal ticket and you give your gift to someone who mans the gift table as though it were a soup kitchen. Give 'em your cash, get yer meal. Then, you sit in the back of the seating area (or stand) because you are not family or close friends. It's OK to talk and carry on a conversation during the entire wedding because it'll only last 20 minutes anyway and you probably don't know either party involved. The bride and groom come in together, in fairly cheesy fashion, in a cage that hovers over the crowd and moves mechanically from one end of the room to the other:
Then the bride stands in the back while the groom goes to the front alone. In case you can't see really well, they provide disco lights every twenty feet on the ceiling to help you. These will be flaring up throughout the entire ceremony. The bride is given away, much like America, but only after the mothers bow to each other in their traditional hanbok dress (which I guess bowing to each other is their way of dancing to the top 20 K-pop being played while they do so). I didn't understand much of what happened afterward simply because it was in Korean, but there was clapping and yelling and, wait for it...noraebang. The groom sang a karaoke song to his new bride. In the middle of the ceremony, they brought out the cake and cut it as though they were being shuffled through renewing their driver's license at the DMV. "Fill out this form. Put your eyes in here and read this chart. Fingerprints. Do you want to be a blood donor? Cut this cake. What's your mother's maiden name? Look at the camera. Don't smile." Also, I have no idea what happened to the cake they cut. Where the hell did it go? They just carted it off and distracted everybody with a nice piano piece while the minister and his cronies snarfed it down in the back.

Instead of kissing at the end to signify that they were now husband and wife in holy matrimony, the groom gave the bride's mother a piggyback ride down the aisle and back. In ancient Korea, this indicated that the groom was ready to bear the weight of his new wife's family, for he would now take care of them when they were too old to do so themselves. This was done immediately before the dowry of three pigs, a goat, and 5,000 won was transacted. I completely just made that up.

This was the end of the ceremony. The bride and groom walked back down the aisle, but instead of leaving, they stood at the end of the aisle in the back and greeted people as they left. Before the wedding pictures got underway, it was understood that the guests were to go downstairs to the mess hall and get some grub. Here, you use your meal ticket to prove that you indeed were attending a wedding and not just getting a free meal, and burst at the seams with buffet style goodness. Eventually, the bride and groom come down in traditional Korean dress and join whoever hasn't already left, which is probably only their parents. Honestly, including lunch (which was buffet, so you know I stuck around for a while to get my money's worth), I was in and out of there in an hour and a half. Shortest wedding ever.

Now don't get me wrong. It sounds like from the rest of this post that I have a negative feeling toward the Korean style wedding. Also, I'm not positive, but I am under the impression that there is a second, more sacred, ceremony involving only children and parents. That speculation aside, there is something to be said for the Korean wedding ceremony. It was certainly more fun than an American ceremony. You could talk, clap, and sing along to the noraebang. You didn't have to observe silence like you were actually attending the funeral of your friend's/family member's bachelorhood. The disco lights helped too.

The reception (what reception?) was certainly lacking. Now, if we could somehow combine the two and have a bomb-ass Korean wedding ceremony with singing and performances and the bride and groom coming out to a theme song raising the roof like they're professional wrestlers with a bomb-ass American style wedding reception with maybe a friar's club style roast...I'm thinking best wedding ever. New goal for my life. Is that...feminine that I just planned out my dream wedding?

Anyway, I closed the weekend with a trip to Costco and the gluttony that inherently goes with it.

The Rocktober 7th Modesty Contest

Let's see...what's important about October 7th? Edgar Allan Poe died on this day. Thom Yorke was born on this day. I think Etch-A-Sketch was introduced on this day. Coincidence? Probably. This isn't nearly as noteworthy as scratching square boobs into some aluminum powder, but it's my birthday on this day, too. Let's have a recap of my day.

I'm not sure whether it is ethical to accept gifts from students, but I have two arguments for it. 1. They are not spending exorbitant amounts of money (a pen, a little notepad, candy, another pen, a card, etc.). I couldn't accept something that cost more than $5 morally speaking. 2. I, in no way, affect their final grade in the class. Grading is up to the Korean teacher, so they can't bribe me. Anyway, some kids gave me gifts. They always wrote cute little notes accompanying them, like:

"Steven teacher. Happy Birthday!
My name is [student] from 4-3 class.
I hope you have best. You are so handsome.
You love [Korean co-teacher].
I think you and [Korean co-teacher] married.
Have beautiful life!"

How did she know I love married women 10 years older than me? There must be something in my eyes that says, "I love cougars."

Anyway, I had a great dinner at an Indian place, had some pleasant surprises, and had a good time with friends. I kept a pretty low profile this year, latching myself on to two other peoples' party and having it in Seoul. My impromptu "party" in Daegu consisted of four people, including myself. I didn't want to interrupt my friends' weekly movie night. So modest, aren't I? Or does my modesty get canceled out (modestly canceled out) because I mentioned my modesty? We need to consult some monk or something. Where's the nearest temple on the top of a mountain?

This post is rather short (modestly sized, I'd say), especially after waiting for so long for me to update. Fear not, for tomorrow I have a post scheduled and it will be much more entertaining. Prepare FOR!!!!! ... ... ... my first Korean wedding.

A Seoul-ful Birthday? Too Cliché?

Ah, who cares. I'm full of cliche. I got enough cliche to curb Rosie O'Donnell's apetite. Is she even relevant anymore? I haven't heard anything about her in years, but she's the only acceptable fat lady I can think of. My material is starting to feel dated. Maybe I should watch more Jersey Shore.

Anyway, I had a triple birthday party in Seoul this weekend. So, four of us got a family pack (which equates to a four person table seat for almost half the price of four regular tickets) on the KTX and made the two hour trek from Daegu to Seoul Station. We headed out to Guri, a Seoul suburb, to meet some friends.

I want to pause here for a second to explain to you that I am using the word "suburb" pretty loosely, yet more directly here. Literally, from the Latin "close to a city," my use of suburb is just that: Guri is close to Seoul. When you think of suburbs, you think of sleepy neighborhoods with large houses and big lawns and maybe people walking dogs and lots of SUVs and clowns at birthday parties and a magical Disney-like atmosphere where everyone goes to college and gets married with the 2.5 kids. Well, that may be the way you guys do it in America, but suburbs in Korea are just a little different. Imagine Times Square. Now imagine that none of the buildings in Times Square are taller than 5 or 6 stories and there are food stands everywhere...and everyone is speaking Korean. At 11 PM you still see kids in school uniforms laughing in the street, playing Girl Fighter. You probably see a drunk businessman somewhere neglecting his family for a bottle of soju. You see poorly made shacks, remnants of the pre-1980s boom that made Korea the electronics powerhouse that it is today, sprinkled among the neon lights. That's a Korean suburb. Honestly, I'm exaggerating in some aspects because there are suburbs that more closely resemble the former American description, but the one we were in (and most others I can think of) more closely resembled Times Square. Maybe more like an alley offshoot of Times Square. Maybe I'm desensitized to flashing lights and I don't even notice how prominent they are or aren't anymore. I remember there was a McDonald's at least.

So. Saturday. The big day. The big day for the party. The party that was supposed to be held in a park with a barbeque and lots of people. Well, thanks to George Burns, it rained that day. We went to the World Cup Stadium anyway (as that is where the park was) to chiggidy check the situation. What we found was a stadium with a mall in it and a clearance tent with unbeatable prices!!!!!!!!

What caught our eye was a rack of suits for 49,000원. That's like $42. For a suit that was originally about $250. We couldn't pass it up. Check these two P.I.M.P.s out:
Even matching umbrellas (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh, under my umbrell--*gunshot*). They're pretty shiny suits, aren't they? I like that, for some unknown reason. Anyway, we did no park barbequeing due to the rain, but by the time the party rolled around, we were dressed to impress. Everything happens for a reason, right?

The party itself was wholly a success. A friend had managed to reserve a whole bar for us to throw down, and throw down we did. We filled that place up.
The preceding picture is from when the owner got "iced." For those of you over 30, "icing" is an international marketing phenomenon pulled off pretty brilliantly by Smirnoff Ice, designed to appeal to the "bro" crowd. Basically, your bro pulls up in your line of sight with a Smirnoff Ice. Being completely taken by surprise at your friend's taste in girly beers, you must take the Smirnoff Ice, drop to one knee, and consume the entire contents of the bottle, thus redeeming his manhood and showcasing yours. What a world when something this silly reaches even Korea.

Speaking of silly things reaching Korea, I received my first package from a friend today. It was either from Kristen Adams or someone brilliantly posing as her. Her thoughtfulness will not be forgotten and it really warmed my heart that I still have friends back home who care enough about me to send a package 9,000 miles away--through the warm, inviting international waters of the Pacific, through the frozen tundra of Russian Siberia, through the posed AK-47s of Pakistani Taliban checkpoints, through a chief's blessing from the cannibalistic tribes of New Guinea, through the gap in David Letterman's teeth, through Somalian pirates, through a wicker cradle wafting down the Nile being pursued diligently by ravenous wildebeasts, through the alleyways of aggressive Indian beggars, through an endless desert of broken glass in the Australian outback, through a volcano in Iceland that houses carniverous dinosaurs and is yet still very active and erupting, and through at least an hour of Kathy Griffin's stand-up. From the bottom of my heart to the bottom of yours: thank you. This Bud's for you.

But I hope you don't think for a second I waited the two days for my birthday before opening it. It's already open and the contents halfway consumed. Sorry for partying.