Don't Look Back In Anger

2010. We've had some good times. When I was in your presence, I changed my life dramatically. Over the past 365 days, I've grown as a person immensely. I've seen some crazy things. I've been to 3 new countries and 7 new states I'd never seen before. I've immersed myself into a radically different culture, made leaping strides in learning a second language, expanded my horizons, learned some things about myself, and completed a few projects to add to my legacy.

When I put it that way, it sounds so productive, doesn't it? Yes, I should be proud of myself. Am I? Meh. I started this blog on January 1st, 2010 as a New Year's resolution and I think it may be the only New Year's resolution that I've ever kept. As it's been a part of my life this entire year, I took a little while to look back on the oldest posts in the blog to see how things have changed in my ideologue in 365 days. This is the first time I can measure and chart a change in myself over the course of the year. Granted, it would take a while and be pretty boring to read all those old posts again, but at the same time, It'd be a nostalgic look at my journey.

The top 30 things I've done (and can remember and in no particular order) this year that are not already mentioned above:

1. I took a cross-country road trip.
2. I quit a cushy government job and took a major pay cut to pursue personal happiness.
3. I flew over the Pacific Ocean for the first time.
   
4. I experienced what it feels like to teach children for an entire school year.
5. I para-sailed, snorkeled, kayaked, cave swam, and ATV-ed for the first time.
6. I experienced World Cup Fever, which doesn't exist in the U.S.
7. I had my feet eaten by fish.
8. I got drunk with a group of 50+ year old men who do not speak English.
   
9. I took a high speed train.
10. I took a high speed hydrofoil.
11. I got completely covered in therapeutic mud.
12. I saw monkeys having sex.
13. I saw two monumentally important World War II historic sites, from both the Axis and the Allied side.
14. I battled with and eventually overcame the worst and largest bug infestation I've ever witnessed.
15. I ate an octopus that was not fully dead yet.
16. I pirated a boat.
17. I attended more than one rooftop soiree.
18. I bar-tended for a night.
19. I played "war" for money, and won.
20. I ordered and received McDonald's delivery.
    
21. I prayed to Buddha.
    
22. I learned what it's like to live completely alone.
    
23. I bought a piece of clothing that cost more than $150.
24. I saw the greatest fireworks show I've ever seen.
25. I started eating meat again (yeah, that cat's out of the bag. But damn it's so delicious. And let's be honest, Koreans do it a little more healthily than Americans...and I guess included in that is that I've eaten parts of the pig that are probably illegal to eat in America).
26. I developed a tolerance for spicy food. In Korea, this is not an option.
27. I experienced squatter toilets.
28. I took part in a play for Korean children.
29. I was on TV...more than once.
30. I wrote 149 blog posts.

What did you do this year? Honestly, I'm curious. I'm not trying to brag or anything. I'm genuinely curious about your year so spill the beans. Top 30. Top 10 even. It's fun to look back at what you've accomplished. Some of you got married. Some of you had children. Some of you bought a house. Some of you changed your job. Some of you experienced great loss that equates growing as a person. Those certainly trump anything I did this year. But, let's see what 2011 brings, eh?

The Future Is Bright

Let's talk about this link here. It's referring to my job replacement. If you're too lazy to read it, which I'd guess probably half of you are (I would probably be included in that if I were in your position), I will explain it. The Korean education system is slowly shifting from a mildly autistic happy child to a violently retarded drooling chimpanzee with its latest set of decisions.

I am, of course, exaggerating, but it seems that Korea has taken a serious interest in implementing the use of robots to replace foreign English teachers in the future. Yes, you heard me. Robots. That's good and well, isn't it? Because a robot can deviate from a set pattern of dialogue and tell jokes or inspire a student to learn. A robot can certainly be mobile and explain a game or activity using body language. A robot is an excellent lesson planner. A robot is also certainly capable of properly disciplining a student for misbehavior.

I am, of course, joking. A robot cannot feasibly do any of these things. It can only do one or two of them if it is remotely controlled by a Filipino, as they suggest it may be. The main reason they want to implement this program is the same reason why anyone does stupid things: money. Let's take a look at the last paragraph that borders on insulting:

"Plus, they won't complain about health insurance, sick leave and severance package, or leave in three months for a better-paying job in Japan... all you need is a repair and upgrade every once in a while."

Maybe someone should upgrade and repair your thought processes, brother. We're human beings. Most of us don't complain about things like that, but some of us do. If they'd rather pump money into a barely animate object instead of treating us like human beings with needs, then so be it. They will fall behind in their English ability.

One other thing stood out to me about the article. This:

"Having robots in the classroom makes the students more active in participating, especially shy ones afraid of speaking out to human teachers," Kim said.

Seriously? Let's talk about avoidance issues here (which is part of a larger problem in this country). So, instead of exposing shy students to human teachers to help get over their shyness, you'd rather appease them by giving them a robot instead of a real human being. What's the point of learning a language if you're too afraid to speak it to actual people!? I admit, sometimes I'm a little bashful about speaking Korean to Koreans, but I usually trudge forward. Why? Because I know and every reasonable person knows that making mistakes is part of learning.

Anyway, Korea is going down a silly, fruitless road if they choose to pursue this option in full. This might work in a hagwon environment or a very low level classroom, but to develop a working portfolio of English knowledge, the student must be exposed to native teachers period. They're losing out on 1) mannerisms 2) accents 3) cultural awareness 4) overcoming shyness toward non-Koreans. It could not possibly be adopted in a middle or high school level with any success. I hope they do not commit to doing that in the name of saving a buck. Future generations will suffer.

Merry Un-Christmas

Yeah, I kind of missed that whole "Merry Christmas Errybody Back Home" obligatory blog post, didn't I? Well, luckily for you, you get this half assed late one instead. Yeah, boyee. Discount bin.

Right, so Merry Christmas. This year was the clear winner for the strangest Christmas I've yet experienced award. Nothing particularly funny or crazy: "Oh, look at that wacky waygook again! All his mind bending misadventures through time and space are probably good for another two or three seasons of viewership before we start exploiting it and introducing his evil brother for another six or seven seasons and then finally cancelling it. Don't forget the reunion special ten years after that either. Milk it, baby!" No, nothing like that.

It was strange in that it just felt like another day. Indeed, it's like it didn't even happen yet because they still play Christmas music in stores and nothing was closed on Christmas. It's clear to me that Chuseok (Korean Thanksgiving) is the most important holiday in Korea. In a way, I can understand this. It's not religious based. It's just a time to spend with family, appreciating them and being thankful for life, no strings attached.

I never thought I'd say that I missed the season. We all complain that Christmas commercials and decorations come out earlier each year and we're annoyed by Christmas music by the time Halloween rolls around, but it's strange being on the other end of that. You expect to feel these things each year and when you totally bypass it all, it feels hollow. I didn't get sick of Christmas music this year. I enjoyed singing along to "Happy Christmas (War is Over)" when I heard it only one time. I don't really watch TV because it's usually in a foreign tongue, so I missed all the annoying overplayed Christmas commercials. No Christmas edition snuggy commercials for this guy.

Still, I am thankful that I got to talk to Mom and Sara on Christmas Day and I got to spend the evening with friends. It was really special to be able to have that many lonely foreigners in one room. The only thing missing was the fake fire on the TV and it would have felt like some kind of home.

Other than that, I'm deskwarming this week, so I'll keep it real by watching movies and playing computer games (oh, and a little preparation for camps next week). When I find out what I'm dewing for New Years, I'll let you know. It'll probably be just as exciting as my posts have been for the past 4 months. Gotta keep up the high standard of quality.

World Class Flaneur: Quality, Excellence, A Bullshit Sense of Self-Worth. Since 2010.

I'll Hit You In The Temple, Where It Hurts

As part of our "End of Year" celebration, or as the Koreans call it, "푸피 팬티" (that's a 2nd grade level joke for the Hangul reading or industrious demographic), we departed our humble elementary school in a charter bus bound for God knows where. I was told that we would be attending a "teacher training" course. For those fellow teachers who have any experience with this will immediately recognize how utterly horrifying this sounds. An hour sitting in a room with Koreans speaking in rapid Korean about teaching probably equates to getting your nipples burnt off by Satan's forked tongue.

Instead, we spent a little over an hour on the bus enjoying a Korean movie called "Panga Panga." I learned that "panga panga" is a "cute" "way" of "saying" "Nice to meet you" in "Korean" (pangap sumnida [반갑습니다]). Basically, from what I gathered, the film is a statement on a very familiar theme to us Americans: discrimination. Yes, they got it over here too. You know who it's against? The foreigners. No, not us white foreigners. They see us as happy leprechauns who will give them pots of gold if they call us "handsome" or "gorgeous" enough times. The foreigners they don't like are the Pilipinas, the Thai, the Vietnamese. Sound familiar? *cough*Mexicans*cough* In the end, however, everyone wins and gets to stay in Korea legally and the protagonist (I don't remember which SE Asian country he's from) gets the Filipino girl (he'd never dare fall in love with a pure Korean woman). The proudest moment? That I just told you the synopsis of a film I watched entirely in Korean.

There are obvious reasons I could understand that much: cliche plot, body language, the actors enunciated, most of the protagonist's lines were just trying to convince everyone he was a Korean (한국사람이야! 한국사람이야!). Boy, his heart was in it though. He really wanted to be a Korean.

When it was right at the "foreigner singing competition" climactic moment, we reached our first destination: Unmun Temple.

Unmun Temple is in a beautiful location in a valley surrounded by picturesque mountains. The thing with temples that I've been to is that the surrounding landscape really makes or breaks it. In Gyeongju, Bulguk Temple is a jewel of Korea. I was not as impressed with it as other temples simply because there was no surrounding scenery other than trees. To me, Unmun is a top five. It is serene, remote, and it has a couple of things that make it unique.

You will remember (won't you?) when I went to Haein Temple several months ago and snapped illegal pictures of the Tripitaka Koreana. Well, Unmun has nothing of that magnitude in its clutches. It does, however, possess a pine tree that is fueled and fertilized with booze. Yeah, that's right. Booze. And it's pretty friggin majestic.

Yeah, that's only one weird looking tree right there. Also, this is the historic site wherein I ceremonially committed treason against Jesus. Not only am I celebrating his birthday in a heathen country, I prayed to their heathen god very near to that special date. Here's proof of my heresy:

Buddha just looked so kind and inviting, sitting up there covered in gold and smiling. It's a lot happier looking than a bloody Christ nailed to a cross. I learned how to properly pray to Buddha, but I didn't do it the proper amount of times. You're supposed to hit that guy up a hundred and eight times when you pray. That's a thigh work out times seven.

The final thing that makes Unmun unique is that it is the largest nunnery in Korea. In Buddhism, they're more like female monks though. They got the shaved head and everything. They live back here somewheres like little bald ghosts:

Hey, here's my co-teachers:

Adorable little guys, aren't they? I love 'em to death.

After a short walk through the forest and pine cone scented nature, we boarded the bus again and stopped for dinner. My leaders chose a small place that specialized in rather tasty and succulent beef. I think before we have any work function, all the Koreans gather in an alleyway (or right in front of me. It's not like it would make a difference) and they snicker about getting the foreign kid as drunk as possible.

It always starts about halfway through the meal. Someone quietly suggests to me that it would be a kind gesture to drink a shot with the principal. I agree that it would and awkwardly saunter over there. We trade shots and then the vice principal pipes up that I should drink a shot with him, too. I oblige. When that's done, the head teacher thinks I should take a shot with him. After that, the judo coach thinks it would show a lot of respect if I drank a shot with him. Then, the "group" leader teacher for the night laughs his unique chuckle and just holds out his glass to be filled and does the same for me before I can protest. In a matter of two minutes, I am 300% more drunk than before and they all laugh and ask me to speak in Korean. Basically, I am their entertainment for a few minutes. When they grow bored they make their bow and say thank you as a kind way of saying "leave now, we're done with you." I am glad to go.

In other news, aren't you proud (or at least annoyed) that I am updating so much now? It's only because classes are over and this lonely Christmas season is coaxing me to express myself. Ah, I am so cool...

World Class Event! The Unveiling Of...Venus da Milo

See, family? I sometimes do productive things. Rarely, but I do. What's that you say? You see a montage of me and my friend Veronica working on our masterpiece? What else did you say? Those pictures do not even really show you what the finished product looks like? Yeah, well that was really my intention. Although I unveiled it to you, it's still kinda shrouded in mystery, eh? That's art, friend. That's what life is about. I know we'll have done a good job on the project if what you focus on in each picture is my shabby apartment in the background. What's the last thing you said? Oh, you don't get it? Perhaps you should look at it again...on weed. Hey buddy. No need to get belligerent. It's not like you paid admission fee.

Oh, also I did post something new below in case you're one of the zero people who check out the blog every day and also one of those people who can't see things right below what you are currently reading. It originally posted below my previous post in a successful effort to confuse your/my slow mind. Lovezzzz.

World Class City and SantaCon

Here is a link to the "Top 10 Places to Visit in 2011." Guess which city is on the list. Go on, guess. The 10th one, the one just making the cut, the oddest and least-heard-of one present: you guessed it. My town. Daegu. I have to give props to my friend Veronica for making me aware of this list. She has an excellent blog and is a talented photographer to boot. You can find her blog here. Buy her a cookie or something.

What I originally came here to talk to you about is how I spent my time after Seodaemun Prison (see last post, lazy). I present to you...SANTACON!See hundreds of smashed foreigners blurrily stumbling down a well lit Korean street donning Santa costumes and singing inappropriate versions of classic Christmas carols that nobody around can understand because the foreigners are mumbling them. Behold the majesty.

Eventually we parted from the group as it was loud and cumbersome to be a part of and accommodate. We found ourselves in the rather lively park in Hongdae witnessing both a silent disco and a live music concert happening simultaneously. There was a roof and jello shots for Greenpeace and a Dutch guy? It was revelrous and fun and I hope to get back to Seoul one more time before departing this peninsula for a month at home.

That's it for this edition of World Class Flaneur. I'm living up to my name, aren't I?

Prison. Fo' Lyfe.

Good morning, America! I'm back in action for a minute. I know, it doesn't quite make up for the absence you've felt in your heart lately. I've got enough juice for a few posts so as my final week of classes wrap up and my materials for Winter camp come to a close, I'll have a void in my life where productive things used to be. Thus, you are my new productive thing, World Class Flaneur.

First, let's do a post dedicated to those who lost their lives during the Japanese occupation from 1910-1945. Last Saturday, I made a trip up to Seoul and had the pleasure of visiting Seodaemun Prison. You usually don't put "pleasure" and "prison" in the same sentence, but this is Korea, after all. It doesn't anymore, but it used to look like this:
Now it looks like this:
...which doesn't really tell you much, but they didn't have a tidy little model for the present prison and you obviously can't see it all from any one point except the guard towers where you're not allowed to go.

The prison was designed to house the anti-Japanese dissenters and Native English Teachers who got low scores on their open classes. It was surprisingly not overly depressing. It doesn't quite compare to the Holocaust Museum or the Nagasaki Atomic Bomb Museum in that scope. It was almost like a Tower of London type of thing where you see the torture devices and they have a silly little program wherein they take your mugshot and place it on a prisoner in a video. They then show you going to prison and getting tortured and screaming for freedom in your cell.
Obviously, this was a terrible place where atrocities against man were committed. I never forgot that. But, as with most things in Korea, they have a way of defying expectations and warping your percieved feelings on something. The room with pictures of all the prisoners who died actually was quite moving. However, instead of letting solely the pictures tell the story, they had to have a digital touch screen floor computer in the middle of it to cheapen the experience and make every child who passes through the room 90% more annoying.

One thing I learned while there that is not something normally advertised in the "woe is me" themed musuems is that the prison was still used until 1987. Anyone interested in Korean history will most likely know that South Korea was effectively a military dictatorship until that very year. You can most likely guess the similarities in its use both during and after Japanese occupation. The best part? The leper building in the back. It offered the best views of the "campus" and it's where friggin' lepers were kept. You don't see those much anymore.


Anyway, it was an interesting and educational little tour in an area of Seoul that I had not previously ventured to. Also, we found a Quiznos. The first one I'd seen since leaving.

Wait For Me, America

Don't give up on me yet, America. I know I haven't written for over a week. I know I owe some of you emails and/or party favors. I know that times have been rough and it seemed like there was not a light with which to guide yourself. I am sorry that you felt I had abandoned you.

Truth is, I've been busy planning for winter camp and when I'm not doing that I feel too lazy to update my blog. But! Luckily for you, I am finished planning winter camp as of yesterday. Oh wait, no I'm not. I still have powerpoints to make and some materials. Crap. Well, that sucks for both of us, I suppose.

Wait for me. Soon I will have nothing to do when the children have all left and I'm sitting in a dark, cold classroom by my lonesome. Just one more week of class...

General Update #141

Look. You don't have to tell me. I get into this rant every month. I end the month strong, but I always particularly suck at opening it. I'm a closer (who else has noticed that closer is just one letter away from loser? Anyone?). What can I say?

Well, I guess I can say that I don't see this month being exceptionally full of blog posts. Sorry to get your Christmas dreams' hopes up. My desire to blog seems to have toppled under the pressure of the Siberian winds that flare up occasionally. Good thing I'm going to Seoul this weekend.

Hmm, maybe three or four things. First, I was provided this great lecture by my friend John in Incheon about North Korea called "The Cleanest Race." It's done by a guy teaching in Busan, and it does an excellent job of providing insight into why North Korea is acting the way it is. I'm going to warn you: it's an hour long. But! It's a really good hour if you are at all interested in history or the region. It puts both North and South Korea in perspective in ways you'd never think (i.e., beyond economic/military numbers, which is all that we hear about on the news because no one believes that actual people live in these places). I have been interested in North Korea for some time now, but this just enhances it. Here's the link.

I think I've touched on this before, but in many of my classes there is always one mentally handicapped child. They always sit in the same seat and are kind of ostricized from the class. It appears they learn little while there. Sometimes they are disruptive. Often they'll rip the handout into a million pieces and make a collage out of it. Sometimes they'll have a laughing fit that will disrupt other students. Other times, they'll turn their desks upside down. Once, one got into a fist fight and a throwing match with a girl classmate. Now, I'm not saying they are full out mentally retarded. Some of them have spoken to me in English or read English words and are very nice, pleasant students. I know they are capable. But, they are not in the right learning environment for what they need. There is a reason they are kept separate. To develop their ability to the fullest capacity, they need specialized attention. In Korea, it seems the acceptable substitute for this is to ignore it.

The explanation as to why something like this is often ignored or underplayed would take a little while to explain and since my desire to blog lately has eroded under various weather conditions, I'll spare you. Needless to say, both the parent and the child suffer for it. Not to mention the poor, poor Native English Teacher who has to put up with it for 80 minutes a week. Perhaps they suffer the most.

Topic number three. I bartended...kind of...not really. Well, perhaps in the most literal sense of the word. I tended a bar. But I was behind it and I did get people beers and easy things like gin and tonics. All out of the goodness of my heart (thus not violating contract, Mama Korea. Don't kick me out). I guess I've just about exhausted that subject...

Topic numero quattro: I have found a way to convert .MOV to .AVI. Fiiiiiiiiiiiinally. A special shout out goes to my cousin Jeff who was the only person to send me advice on how to make that happen. So, thank you Jeff and thanks for nothing everyone else. The method I have found deteriorates the quality of the video slightly, but I suppose the quality wasn't the greatest in the first place since I was doing it with a point and shoot camera. Anyway, hopefully I'll have something put together by the time I come home so that folks can see a glimpse of the Kow-rea I saw.


What else? I'm good for now. I don't want to empty my entire clip because that means less stuff to write about next time. So, for now...goodbye.