Gwarsh

So what do you do when a bug flies out of your cereal box as you're pouring yourself a bowl? Do you stop pouring and perhaps toss the box? Well, maybe in America where everything is dandelions and butterscotch...

Do I have anything for you today? Not really. Today I was reminded again how socially acceptable it is to yell out "Waegooken!" when you see someone who's not Korean. What if every time we saw an Asian or a Mexican in America we yelled, "Oh, foreigner!" Not only would you eventually lose your voice, it would not fly very far with the politically correct atmosphere. I mean, I can obviously hear you. The word "waegooken" is not some Korean secret. Where is the tact? Oh, that's right. Korea doesn't have any. I can't imagine how bad the black folks have it here.

I don't shave for one day, and suddenly I'm Grizzly Adams to the Koreans. Oh well. I don't cayah! It's my hot body, I do what I want.

So since I have no real news, I'm going to just post pictures that I haven't shown you before from my almost two month adventure in Korea thus far:
Ok, let's go ahead and get the lack of subtlety pics out of the way. This first one is the most subtle. You have to know Hangeul to get it. This is a hotel. It says "Top" then has a wine glass, then it says "Tael" in Hangeul. So it's a hotel called "Top Tael." I'm not sure if it's intentional or not, but it's funny either way.This lingerie store pic doesn't need a caption.
Who sticks their fingers into their coffee as they're drinking it, as it's obviously burning them by the redness depicted? It's a little masochistic, no? Is that a pill in his other hand?

For when your woman gets dirty. "To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. Love is stronger than pride." Ok, so, what does that have to do with cleaning your woman? Segue pic from Bulguksa Temple:Did you notice that I have the color accent setting on yellow, and their skin is still in color? I bet you did, you racist. You're going to Hell. I guess that's just payback for yelling out "waegooken!" when I pass by, Korea. We're even. The next three were taken in or around bars:
Was I in Korea at any time even near Christmas? Hmm, I arrived on February 17th, so that's the earliest I could have taken this pic. Plenty of time to take down the decorations, guys. Oh, and don't bother trying to order any of those bottles shown up there. Those are to show patrons what the bar doesn't have. This bar is made from a bus. An actual bus. How cool is that? They installed a bus into this building. I couldn't get a pic of the whole thing because it's in a tight quartered alley. Guess what it's called. No, it's not called The Rice Grinder, stupid, it's called The Bus. Ok, Korea has this weird thing where when a store has a grand opening, they hire girls to dance to loud techno music outside of it. All day. This pic was taken at 9 PM. The crowds have dispersed, nobody cares any more (besides me), and they're still at it. And they were into it, too. The store that just opened is some Korean restaurant. And a cheap one! Whatever it's selling is only a dollar fifty. Probably gristled pork bits or something. Still, those girls are selling it. They had a light show. That's all I'm saying.

This post turned out to be a lot more fun than I thought it would be going into it. Thanks. I'll update again soon, as I only have one class tomorrow and my other classes this week are already planned for. Or, that could mean that I'm extra bored and nothing exciting is happening. I'll choose later. Joke's on you either way.

Gettin' Around in the 80s Future

My frequency of posting entries is dwindling. I know, I am aware of this trend. It has been increasingly hectic lately. It seems like I just can't find the time like I used to. I'm still updating though, and will continue to do so whenever I get the chance. At least now you get to read a shiny, exciting post with pictures!

I had badminton on Friday. I had to do a couple more drills, but I actually got to play some games this time. My form is still generally terrible, but I can hit a birdie, damn it, and that's what matters. I got a good two hours of playing in, and I was definitely feeling it for the rest of the weekend. My entire left side was aching incessantly, but I toughed it out and ticked another city off the list: Gyeongju.

My neighbor was nice enough to take both me and her cousin to Gyeongju in her Hyundai beater, which is about an hour away. She had sent me a text message, in Hangeul (which I could not understand, obviously), stating when they would be leaving in the morning. I stayed out late, as I am wont to do on Fridays, and slept past this target leave time. I felt bad, but with a quick rinse in the shower, we ended up leaving about a half hour later than planned.

Our intention was to go to Gyeongju to check out the cherry blossoms, but then we found out that everybody else in Korea's intention was the same. It happens, I suppose. I'm going to make an attempt to paint a picture of Gyeongju for you real quick.

Gyeongju is special not only as home to thousands of cherry blossoms, but also because it was the capital of the Silla dynasty of Korea until about 1000 years ago. This would not be that huge of a deal, but with Korea's attitude of out with the old, in with the new, they made it a point to get rid of old crap all around the country. This would have been the fate of Gyeongju, except that the Prez-i-dent (read: dictator) in the 70s and 80s put a bunch of protections on buildings in Gyeongju, along with height restrictions on buildings around historical areas, and some sort of law that all the buildings must have that traditional Korean roof. All that aside, there is a lot to see that's worthwhile there. This includes Gyeongju Land, which is that campy theme park that most Korean cities seem to embrace. You can't go wrong with a cheesy theme park right in the middle of a historical city.

We began with some lunch, but while waiting (like I said, every other Korean was there, too, so all the restaurants had waits) we checked out the royal burial mounds right next door:There's a whole park full of them. All dead kings and queens and little baby infants, etc. The highlight of this park is Cheongmachong, which means "Heavenly Horse Tomb." It is the only tomb that you can enter. It sounds cooler than it actually was. You shuffle in in one of those museum lines that just snakes along the route, and you see the artifacts that were in this tomb, not in their original place, but in glass cases along the wall. Then you get to see the burial area, which is basically just a gravel area with a box sticking out of the center. They don't want you to take pictures in there because it will detract from tourism numbers if they were to find out how disappointing it was.

Lunch was good and traditionally Korean. I got to try mulkimchi, which is water kimchi. It tastes like kimchi...in water. Otherwise, it was pretty good, and I ate my fill. Next we went to the most aesthetically pleasing area of our trip: Anapji pond.
Anapji is the site of a former palace that was built around 1300 years ago that, of course, now is gone due to various political shifts and disrepair. The pond and the stone foundation remains, so they rebuilt a few of the buildings to house relics and smale scale models of what the palace once looked like. It was a pretty nice place. I bet they had killer parties here.

From there, we walked to Cheomseongdae, which is the oldest observatory in East Asia. The actual observatory is fairly lackluster. What is much more interesting, to me anyway, is the park sorrounding Cheomseongdae. It was full of flowers and children and wholesome family fun. It was the kind of fun that has been missing from America for the past few decades. The kind of fun that requires a family to go to the park together, ride tandem bicycles together, play in the stream together, eat ice cream together, and just enjoy the awesome day together. It was one of those tranquil moments where you realize just how great life can be when there's genuine love all around you. Yeah, it's that cheesy, wholesome type of place, but it was totally Korea.

From there, we headed to our final stop. Bulguksa Temple is one of the most famous Korean sites I can think of. It was built in the late 500s, almost destroyed by the Japanese invasion, and left to rot for a few hundred years before being reconstructed. It looks a lil sumpin like this:
It's kinda big, so I couldn't capture it all in one photograph because there are trees in front of it until you get too close. Anyway, it's pretty cool because this guy is shreddin' and totally into it:
There are a few pagodas inside, symbolizing yin and yang, etc, and some Buddhas. Pretty standard temple stuff. One neat area was this part:You're supposed to stack a bunch of gradually smaller stones on top of each other. This means that your dreams will come true or something. With a slight language barrier, it is difficult to convey concepts like that and I only understood so much. Anyway, Gyeongju is a pretty neat place that I hope to return to. The added bonus that there were fully blooming cherry blossoms everywhere and a pretty bangin' day weather wise certainly helped the experience. I didn't get to see all the sites I wanted to check off the list, so I'll be back.

The ride home was a period of realization for me. I've told my friends several times that I miss the 80s. There's something about that decade that is so ridiculous I wish it were back. Well, a lot of things that I particularly miss in the 80s are present in Korea right now.

Side ponytails: in.
Acid wash jeans: in.
Wearing a dress on top of acid wash jeans: in.
Perms: in.
Shoulderpads: in.
Cassette tapes: in.
Hair metal: in.

Korea is like if the 80s were taking place in the 10s. The fashion is absolutely an 80s enthusiasts dream, but everyone has the latest technology to go with it. But even the technology slightly resembles that "80s future." Anyone who's seen Back to the Future II knows what I'm talking about. It's kind of bizarre, and it doesn't really hit you immediately how much this is true. Only after two months of staring it in the face do you start to realize that Marty McFly could easily whiz by on a hoverboard at any moment and the only thing that would strike you as out of the ordinary is that he's not Korean.

Anyway, Gyeongju is a neat town and definitely unique for Korea. Even with the hordes of people, it still seemed pretty and peaceful. But, like with a lot of places, it's a great place to visit, but I'd hate to live there. Everything is so spaced out and tourists would constantly be in your way. Such is life, right?

I'll close with my favorite pic of the day. I don't know why it's my favorite. It just is.

Every Other Thursday Rips Me Apart

Despite the title, this post will most likely be more about Wednesday than Thursday. I was going to write it yesterday, but I wanted to wait just a little bit longer for accumulation's sake. Just warning you.

So yesterday was Wednesday. Woden's (Odin's) day. The god of wisdom, war, and death. So why, then, do we call it hump day if it's a day of wisdom, war, and death? Doesn't seem very consistent, English language. I think we'd do better to call Saturday Wednesday because it signifies the death of a week. Instead we call Saturday Saturday because it's the day when, traditionally, we all eat our babies to prevent them from overthrowing us. Anyway, I'm not drunk, I promise. I'm more tired than anything. But, I'll get to that.

Wednesday morning was the first day of my newly introduced "weekly broadcasts," wherein I introduce an English topic and teach some new vocabulary for about 5 minutes before classes begin for the day. I even get a student assistant, which we had try outs for. Anyway, I did my thing. I taught the kids some slang. "Hey, what's up?" and the answers you can give for such a question. It's weird teaching to a camera because you get no feedback about whether there is understanding or not. Oh well. Afterward, I got the obligatory, "Oh, you rooked so handsome on the TV this morning. My students were bely happy." I expected that. What I did not expect was, "You rooked arike Bluce Wirris on the TV." Bruce Willis? Is my hair falling out quicker than I thought it was? Hey, he's badass enough. I'll take it. What happened to Brad Pitt? I guess I'm Brad Pitt in person, but Bruce Willis when I'm on TV? What am I supposed to do with that? I'm going with an amalgamation. I will henceforth be referred to as "Blad Wirris." I think it has a nice ring to it.

My Woden's Day classes were pretty standard. A couple of students even knew how to respond when I came at them with, "Hey, what's up?" I took an hour of leave to go to the post office in the afternoon to mail out some packages (look for them in a week, Mom and Sara. Sorry, everyone else, it is not your time yet). I tell you what. It's expensive to ship things across that Pacific Ocean.

The real excitement came at about 3 PM when, for National Teacher's Fitness Day or some crap like that, all the teachers gathered on the volleyball court to throw down. I am not that good at volleyball. The male Korean teachers seem to breathe volleyball. Even our 60 year old principal was out there with the best of them. I can volley a ball when it comes to me, but there's no way I can set it or spike it given an ability test. Hell, half the time when I serve it goes wildly opposite of where I intended it to go. Anyway, I held my spot with those volleys and eventually our team won a best of three series. We celebrated by drinking beer and eating dumplings in the cafeteria. How cool is it to drink beer in an elementary school cafeteria? On the coolness meter, I graduated from protozoan to purple sandpiper. If you consider the scope of the Earth's general food chain, that is a huge leap. I feel like I deserve some kind of diploma or something.

Although I wasn't cool enough to be invited out drinking afterward with the rest of the male Korean teachers, I'd like to think I declined their offer due to a previous engagement to help my neighbor with her medical school homework. Maybe that's why the coolness meter leapt so far. It takes extra suavacity to drink beer with the boys (and girls) and then go and tear up some Korean medical school homework.

I know what you're thinking, and I was thinking that too. Why would she want my help with her medical school homework? She wants me, I know. Actually, as it turns out, her medical school reading is all in English because English Speaking Land is where all the cool doctors hang out. My job was to help her understand complex words and concepts regarding this reading. Among the things I had to explain: what the hell irrigation fluid is when it comes to anemia, distilled water, stippling, and the concept "before something has had time to develop." How do you explain that last one without using any of the words in the initial phrase? Anyway, it was kind of taxing, but I think I actually learned more than she did. That medical school stuff is hard. So, pay it forward, folks. Good deed done.

Thursday, or Thor's Day as all the other purple sandpipers call it, was kind of rough. I had six classes, 4 different lessons. The last one was the teachers' training course, which I teach all mybyself. I was well planned, but it showed that my lesson was too easy for them. They're all super smart when it comes to English, so next week I'm going to let them kind of lead the lesson more. I think flexibility is the way to go here. Let them come in, be laid back, and go with what they want to learn. My job will be to give guidelines, theme, and rules. The real underlying problem, which is my terrible little secret, is that I don't know their names so I feel weird calling on them to talk. Like, "Hey, you. Stand up and tell us a story." Some of these people I talk to semi-regularly, and I feel like such a megadouche not knowing their names. I heard their name once and immediately forgot it. It's Korean and I've never heard of the name before, so it's like hearing a word in a foreign language that you can't even really comprehend the pronunciation of and then expecting to remember it. You're not going to.

Anyway, six classes takes it out of a guy, so I've been tired most of the day. At least the kids did their Thriller dance for me again today. I guess it's every Tuesday and Thursday? I'll let you know when I figure it out. Plans for the weekend? Please, purple sandpipers don't need plans. They make history on the weekends.

Uneventful Week Time #3000

Let's see here. Strange proceedings since my last post. Hmm, I'm struggling. I went to Seomun Market yesterday after work with my cool co-teacher. She introduced me to this entire inside complex that I was totally unaware of the last time I went. They have everything there. Well, not everything, but you know. A lot of stuff. There are several floors devoted to Korean hanboks (traditional dresses) and apparently Koreans need a lot of fabric for their every day needs. Rows and rows of just fabric stores.

She also introduced me to this great little carnival type snack. It's called Hota (sp?). It's pronounced more like hoe-tha, but it's kind of hard to Anglicize it. There is no th sound in Korean, so it's like in between th and a d. When I pronounced it a little Southern like "howtah," my co-teacher emphasized the th and d mix and eventually I got it. You have to put your tongue between your front teeth (if you've got 'em, that is) and then try to make a soft t sound. Good luck. Anyway, it's this pancake thing that has some cinnamony syrupy goodness in it mixed with nuts. The lady who makes them has been doing it for 20 years, so you know they're good. Plus they're only like 70 cents. I hear on the weekends, there is a massive line to get one of these bad boys.

Also, last night I talked to my neighbor for about a half hour. I found out she's a medical student, which explains why her English is so good. She's one o' them smart uns. I had met her several times before because she always gives me food randomly or leaps out from behind things suddenly to say hi to me, but I had never talked to her for any period of time. I ran into her again today going to the metro, and she helped me get a metro card. That kid's alright.

Today's strangeness took place during our newly introduced 20 minute break between second and third period. This had just started on Monday, so now lunch is moved back 10 minutes, which is agonizingly painful. I noticed when this 20 minute break began that all the students were lining up outside on the dirt field we call a "playground." This is what eventually happened:



You tell me what that is, because I have no idea. I went out there because the chick leading the Thriller dancers looked semi-attractive and I wanted to get a closer look. Both my male co-teacher and I were slightly disappointed upon closer inspection.

Oh, speaking of that specific co-teacher, he has a Korean accent. I know, I was as surprised as you are. Anyway, today we were discussing tomorrow's lesson and we have to do a role play with the little chilluns. The role play is "The City Mouse and the Country Mouse," however when he says it, he says "The Shitty Mouse and the Country Mouse." I love it. Every time. I hope he says it over and over again tomorrow during class.

Eventful Weekend Time #6

Here's Conan the bartender playing with fire:It was someone's birthday on Friday and as a present they got to see Conan juggle and do bar tricks with fire. It was definitely pretty cool, but it would not be the last time this weekend I'd see bartenders with a secret arson fetish.

Friday night was begun with a group of us going to Tacoholic, a newly opened Mexican restaurant that is actually pretty good, although you wouldn't know it when you get your chips and salsa. Potato chips with a duck sauce concoction is not authentic Mexican. Sorry, boys. Anyway, the night's proceedings are a little blurry at this point for obvious reasons, but I do remember going to a club and asking someone to marry me. Also, urinating in a stairwell is still not OK, Korea.

On Saturday, I took the KTX to Daejeon. Another notch on the Korean city belt. My reasoning was to visit my orientation roommate and go see our respective teams, the Daegu Samsung Lions and the Daejeon Hanwha Eagles duke it out in a pretty epic baseball match. Before I get into that, I want to talk to you for a second about the KTX TV. In each car, there are about 4 TVs overhead that show some really strange stuff. I gather that it's some kind of "news" station, but the "news" that they show would be worthy of a knock off Korean Willard Scott. First, I got to see interviews with Amurrica's finest citizens about racing riding mowers. These folks are so determined that they'll even race when it's raining and they get covered in mud. Ah, what great exports we bring to the Land of the Morning Calm. Then, it switched to somewhere in Austria where a guy dressed in a Spongebob Squarepants foam outfit did a ski jump into a pool of water. Then some guys took a truck down the ski jump and it, surprisingly, fell straight into the pool like a giant truck would naturally do. Finally, there was a segment on some dude making what may have been the world's longest noodles. He just kept stretching them out in this warehouse.

So, baseball.

You've already noticed that Samsung has put their label on something else. Beyond that, we had a beautiful day for a great game of baseball. My team, the Lions, eventually lost, but the score was 11-9 when all was said and done. There was a grandslam involved (no, not from Denny's), a pickle, a few game changing errors, and lots of really enthusiastic fans. They even have cheerleaders who cheer constantly. Those football cheerleaders are wusses compared to these girls. One of the highlights was when I found out they had those greasy, nasty french fries that you get at sporting events in Amurrica. Felt like home.

Afterwards, we hit the downtown area of Daejeon with the crowd we met at the game, and enjoyed some pretty spot on Italian food. I know, I'm eating Mexican and Italian food in Korea. What's wrong with me? Well, you know what, damn it, I eat Korean food every weekday. Weekends are my time. Just let me enjoy them.

We then popped my live bar band in Korea cherry at The Yellow Taxi. It was really actually kind of cool. You know how usually bar bands are. Well, imagine if you will, three university students just tearing up the jazz like they were majoring in it. The pianists fingers were dancing, to use a cliched phrase, the drummer was hoppin', and the bass player tore it up right. It was different, but it created a really mellow atmosphere that was only ruined when we spotted this sign across the street:
Look closely and you can see the man's bait and tackle and the woman's dirty pillows. Korea, subtlety is not one of your charms. I'm not sure what goes on in this bar, but it certainly catches your attention. Marketing at its best. I saw the second fire breathing bartender afterward and eventually ended the night approximately when it should have ended. You know how some nights can go on for an hour or two too long and other nights you wish you had stayed out. This one was timed well.

The KTX ride home today was highlighted by the guy next to me. He was trying to sleep, but like clockwork, every five seconds he would nod off and catch himself and then straighten up. He did this forever. What I don't understand is why he didn't just adjust himself so he could rest his head stably somewhere. People are strange when you're a stranger. I never look forward to school tomorrow. Oh, well, Monday's gotta come some time, right?

A Lawsuit is-a Coming!

Every week I get some damned song stuck in my head about "Nice to meet you" or "It's a pen!" or "Where are you from?" By the end of the week, I usually change the words to these songs to something along the lines of "Please, God, kill me now." This week, I had the distinct pleasure of learning "Excuse me, sir, is this York Street?" Sometimes they put different words to standard childrens' songs like "Do Your Ears Hang Low?" and whatnot, but "York Street" is a lawsuit waiting to happen. Unless it's entered public domain by now, Peter, Paul, and Mary (God rest her soul) will have a legal field day when they find out the melody of "Puff the Magic Dragon" was used, probably without their permission, by the Korean government to teach the smaller, younger Koreans English. And if you thought "Puff the Magic Dragon" had lame lyrics, wait until you get a load of this (don't forget to sing along):

Oh, well, excuse me, sir
is this York Street?
Sorry, sorry, I don't know
sorry, I don't know.
Oh, oh, excuse me, ma'am
where is York Street?
Go straight and turn left
turn left at the corner!

And here's the other thing I don't understand. This song is for sixth graders. These kids are 11 or so years old. Some of them have entered puberty. The last thing they want to do is sing along to some crappy childrens' tune. But, we must teach-uh by de cullicurum. Whatever, I still get a paycheck despite the nagging thought in the back of my brain that these songs are somehow shortening my life.

In other news, I got to teach my first afternoon (extra-curricular) class of fifth graders today. Them kids'r smart. I look forward to doing both that class and the sixth grade version next week. I get to do whatever I want. But I'll have to jump the teachers' training course hurdle before I can enjoy my Friday.

Don't cry for me, Virginia, but this will again be my last post until Sunday or Monday. I will once again be traveling the great Korean tundra in search of life's offerings. This time, I plan on hitting up Daejeon to visit my orientation roommate. Our respective city baseball teams are playing each other there, so we're planning on catching the game and then having a night on the town afterwards. I'll let you know how Korean baseball goes and if it's any more exciting to watch than the American version. If it's like anything else in Korea, it'll be somewhere between a tragic car accident and a troupe of clowns juggling chainsaws. Love me do.

The Little Thursday That Could...

So, last night there was a meeting between the left and right sides of my brain. They agreed that I am a buffoon and that, for some reason, it's not their fault. The reason I mention this is because I have no clever April Fools Day post to fool you all into thinking I'm coming home early or anything. I doubt you would have believed it anyway. You know how much fun I'm having here, generally. Now if I could only get a guitar.

Anyway, I cleaned my apartment, finally. I learned "The Scientist" on my accordion because it's so simple and it was playing on my iPod when I got the idea. "Right place, right time" type of thing. I also began painting. Ooh, boy, I know you're excited.

It's been raining for most of the day today. I wasn't expecting this because when I awoke from my consistently strange slumber it was only foggy. I now know to pack an umbrella with me anyway.

So, today while I was walking around my classroom kind of bored while my co-teacher did a vast majority of the teaching, I was thinking to myself how awesome it would be if I had a class all to myself. I would have so much fun with the kids. Generally, I laugh and they laugh, so it's a pleasant exchange when I get the chance to teach them something. I got to inform them that today was April Fools Day, but also that if they tried to fool me, I would beat them up.

So anyway, I got my wish because this afternoon I had my first "teacher training" class where I was the sole teacher. Like everything else, I was not really told anything about this class, so I had no idea what to expect. I prepared a pretty simple lesson about greetings and the difference between first meeting someone and an old friend, including hand shaking etiquette, etc. When the time came and only one teacher came in and sat down, I knew this was going to be a long 50 minutes. By the time the trickling stopped, I had six teachers, all female, one of them being my co-teacher. What I had planned didn't really work with just six women. So, I went through a variation of my original plan, which was met with limited success. There were three teachers whose English was actually pretty good, and then three who barely said anything except when I made them.

When I finished, I asked if there were any questions, and what I got was, "do you have a curriculum planned for this class?" Well, lady, not yet because I had no idea what to expect. This was an introductory class for both of us. Now that I know what to expect, I will plan accordingly. It was actually a good question because it gave me the opportunity to ask them if there were any specific topics they wanted me to cover. The class is small enough that I can cater to individuals pretty sufficiently. Needless to say, it was completely different than teaching thirty+ 11 year olds and certainly different from what I expected. And, as with everything else, teaching this type of class will take practice to get better at. I did OK. At least I had enough material to last the entire class. That would have been much worse if I ran out 15 minutes early and just had them play hangman until I stopped crying.

The Samsung Umbrella Corporation

I am in the midst of eating a half a pound of cheese so I can salvage the other pound and a half from going bad. This is going to be brutal. The things I do. But you know what? I can't get this cheese anywhere else, so I'm adamant about saving the pound and a half. Along those same lines, something I ate is raping my insides viciously and without mercy. Ok, let's get down to business.

What does Samsung make in the U.S.? What, some electronics? Some phones, some TVs or something? In Korea, they are a mega-giant corporation who makes everything. At first, I didn't really notice, but I started looking at the brand names on things and realized they make a lot of shit. In addition to electronics, which we all know Samsung for, they build appliances (my range is a Samsung), they built the locks in my apartment, they make cars, they build ships, they make weapons, they sell life insurance, they own newspapers, they build buildings. Here's something you may not have known, Samsung built not only the Petronas towers, but also the Taipei 101 and the Burj Khalifa (which I will probably always call the Burj Dubai).

I want to tell you something about Samsung. Samsung owns South Korea. The proof of this is that about a week ago, the former CEO of Samsung, Lee Kun-hee, announced that he is returning to again lead Samsung as "chairman." This is after resigning last year when he was caught bribing important Korean officials. He was sentenced to, like, seven years in prison and a huge fine, but when he didn't respond to the sentence, he was officially pardoned by the South Korean government. Does that say anything about Samsung's relationship with South Korea or what? Do you think that good ol' Amurrica would do the same thing for, say, Bill Gates so shamelessly? Samsung is the reason I am alive or dead within these borders. They are the mafia here. I will obediently continue buying Samsung products because I am obligated to love Samsung with all my heart. And I do, with all my heart.

Ok, I'm going to take yet another Samsung dump. Oh, at least I cleaned my apartment with my Samsung flavored all purpose Samsung cleaner. Annyeong Samsungeyo!

The Tuesday Update

You know, I can't even think of an adequate name to describe this Tuesday. It's not very exciting. I know that makes you want to read on, right? Well do it anyway! I ache for some kind of attention. I am going to follow the standard English presentation format and tell you what I'm going to tell you, then tell you, then tell you what I told you. So, here goes. I am going to talk about badminton, my art project, a quick overview of my most recent taxi ride, my co-teacher, and my apartment.

The badminton club began yesterday. I was under the impression that it would be just a bunch of teachers playing casually for an hour or so after school, probably getting some games going, etc. Laughing, talking, you know, real laid back. I knew something was up when we began with a pretty intense group stretch. This, I figured, was a good thing. There were some teachers there who were over 40 and probably needed it lest they pull something or get sore in the morning. We paired up and started warming up, hitting the birdie back and forth, and eventually our coach (yes, we have a coach, I found out) comes around and inspects our form individually. I can hit a birdie ok, but she was ragging on my form. The way she was showing me how to play felt so unnatural, but she's really good at badminton so I guess she knows what she's talking about. We had to do drills, which I wasn't expecting at all. I had to take a break for Pocari Sweat. Pocari Sweat, children, is the Korean version of Gatorade. Yes, it's called Pocari Sweat. Anyway, I ended up leaving badminton early to do some shopping. Segue.

I had my co-teacher drop me off down near music street where there are some art shops. It's by the art college so it's a real artsy place. I dropped a Ulysses S. Grant on some paints, canvas, and brushes sos I could get started on my long awaited project(s). I sketched her up last night, and will begin the painting process this evening some time, if I ever get done with writing various things/people. You'll find out all about it when I'm done. Special exposé coming soon. Blardy blar blar. Brilliant segue. I suggest that journalists and poets begin using "blardy blar blar" as a segue for anything.

So, I went to HomePlus(uh) today to stock up on some groceries. I ended up getting more than I could rightfully or tactfully carry on the subway, so I hopped into a cab. This cab ride is normally about $2.50, so I figured both I and the cabbie could handle the short ride in each other's company. I told the guy "Seomun Market" and with a "Ne." we were off. We get down the road and then he starts pulling onto some strange streets, but Manquest is picking up his intentions as taking a back way. I knew we were headed kind of in the right direction. At a stop light, he turns around and starts blabbering in Korean like he has no idea where I want to go. I end up telling him where to turn and then he gets on the phone asking about Seomun Market. "Oh, Seomun sijang," he says, hanging up. Dude, really? I mean it says Seomun Market right on the sign. I mean, I guess I could have just read the hangeul and said Seomun Sijang, but I thought I could trust the guy. Well, he got me there anyway, but I was not happy about the cab price. Neomu bissayo.

My co-teacher and I did not see eye to eye today. I think it was partly because I got toothpaste in my eye this morning (silly rabbit, it's not eye paste! I am such an idiot). Anyway, the long and short of it is that we had open class today wherein the homeroom teachers and some others come to watch us perform. This was the sixth time we had done that lesson together. Why did she act totally different? That class was the most bizarre school experience I've had yet. The kids were totally quiet, raising their hands. My teacher spoke almost solely in English and we actually finished our lesson plan on time, all of which never ever happen. I've been getting increasingly frustrated with her because she keeps changing things up on me and usually giving me less to do. I know she's got 14 years of experience and all, but I am there so that the kids can learn how a native speaker talks. I am used pretty adequately by the other co-teachers, but not her. I think she has her ideas and that's it. But, before my karma meter runs on empty, I'll cut it off.

My apartment is a dirty, rotten place full of vermin and grime. I'm not just talking about myself, either. My floor is littered with dead bugs and accumulating crap. I think I bring it on myself for not taking my trash out frequently enough. With the addition of all the food trash, it attracts the little critters. I am going to re-evaluate and use the prevention method.

So, now that you've trudged through this boring, pointless post, how do you feel? I told you about the badminton adventure, art project numero uno, the cab, my wonderful co-teacher who really is a nice lady, but I'm starting to think there are alterior motives and a little self absorbed attitude there, and finally about the hole I affectionately call home. Footnote: I think my laziness is kicking in again and I am in a gripping, edge-of-your-seat, epic Marvel type duel with it. I'll keep you posted. Sorry I don't have any interesting pictures for you. I'll try to remedy that soon.

The Things You'll See

Oh, Seoul. What can I tell you about Seoul? Well, let me move chronologically so you get an idea of how my weekend flowed. Friday after work, I took the slow train to Seoul station. It took 3 and 1/2 hours. They stopped at every rice paddy that had any type of life along the way. That's fine, it gave me an opportunity for a much needed nap. I rolled into Seoul at about 9:30, welcomed by the Han River and a bustling city. Coleman met me at the station like the nice Virginian he is (he's from Charlottesville), and we got some kimbap for dinner before meeting up with the other friends I came to see in the outskirts of Seoul. We ended up hitting this bar wherein we were the only ones there besides this group of Korean dudes who we eventually mixed in with. I had my first "Blackout Korea" experience, too. One of the Koreans passed out at our table, so...we drew on him:

He had to be carried out by his friends. The bastards ordered a bottle of Jack Daniels. I mean, what do they expect? We played this hilarious drinking game. The rule was this: think of a number between 1 and 50 and enter it into your phone. Now everyone guess the number. Whoever guesses it drinks. Ooooh! I almost couldn't grasp the rule because it was so complex. I kind of messed up my wrist playing Girl Fighter. Girl Fighter is like that strength test where you hit the lever with the huge hammer and see how high the weight goes. The difference is that in this strength test, you punch the crap out of some bag and it measures PSI, but not in inches because they use the much more efficient metric system. So, I got 695 something somethings, and hurt my wrist in the process. We stayed at Bailey's on Friday night, which is definitely the nicest apartment I've seen in Korea yet. She has a loft and all sorts of cool stuff because the last Native Teacher left them there. Awesome place. I'm jealous.

Saturday, after waking up late and making an awesome breakfast, we went into Seoul to Itaewon, the main foreigner district. We checked out the English bookstore "What the Book?" and went shopping around that area while drinking on the street:I made my first successful haggle. I bought these killer sunglasses that were originally $20 for $13 instead. I said, "eolma-eyo?" She said, "Twenty." I said, "Bitch. Namu bissayo! Ten!" She said, "I'm very hungry! Thirteen." I took her on it. I don't want her to starve, you know. After a bit more shopping, we took the metro down to Hongdae, the other foreigner district, where we had Mexican food for dinner. I had a Negro Modelo, which tasted delicious comparatively to standard Korean beer, and a shrimp burrito.

That's when the night got totally out of hand. We met up with some of my friends' friends, and went for Makali (sp?). Makali is like a yogurty milky liquor made of rice. You drink it from a bowl. It's really tasty and will make for a good night/terrible morning. We eventually hit up a few clubs which were highlighted by "Unlimited Potatoes!" (you get fries whenever you want, which is good when drinking) and drunken Westerners making fools of themselves. Lots of that. I'm really cutting out a lot of stuff that happened, which may be mostly crappy for you, the reader, or for me many years later looking back, but it was a good night. Lots of people passing around my sweet new shades, lots of dancing, lots of drinking, and lots of Koreans. Here's some dude wearing my sweet and sassy new shades:One highlight was when we saw a bus driver get out of his bus and fight with some dude on the street. You don't break those fights up, you just watch them and chuckle quietly to yourself as Koreans get all sullied. Seoul is full of fun and Ho bars:I know it looks like it says "Ho Barv," but it's really saying, "Ho Bar Five." It's right next to Ho Bar Seven. There are ten in Hongdae, and they're always hilarious and full of American G.I.s. Also, what bar in America opens at 8:00 AM? That's devotion. Devotion to hos.

We spent the night in a Korean sauna. Yes, you can spend the night in a spa. I am no longer a stranger to the Korean sauna experience. I learned that it's actually called jimjubang. For those of you whom I haven't explained the "bang" thing to, "bang" is just Korean for room, I guess. Noraebang is "song room," PC bang is "PC room," and jimjubang is "Korean man love room." I'll explain the whole sauna process.

First they give you a key and a uniform. The key is to your locker, where you put all of your clothes. The uniform is for wearing, stupid. The first area is the hot tub/washing area. This is full of naked Korean men. You go in and shower first. You have your choice of either standing or sitting showers. Then, as naked as you came, you step into the hot tubs, which are of varying degrees, or the sauna. There's also a cold pool that is so refreshing after sitting in a hot room/pool. You'll have to forgive me if the details are a bit fuzzy. I was really intoxicated, after all. Anyway, it was really strange to be hanging out with people I had just met a few hours prior, but completely naked and in a hot tub. "Hey, man. I don't remember your name, but you want to get naked together and sit in really hot water next to a bunch of Koreans?" So, we did that for a bit, and then we checked out literally three floors of Koreans sleeping on the floor in uniforms. Hundreds. I expected to hear some kind of humming and see some soft glowing lights like they are charging up for the next day. We immediately called the jimjubang "the Hive." There's a PC area and a restaurant inside and a TV room, but mostly just Koreans sleeping on the floor. I eventually joined them and passed out for about six hours.

I got woken up at noon (yes, we stayed out until 6 AM. Sorry, Nana) by some dude kicking us out. Oh, and Nana, I took this picture for you:
Seoul graffiti. Nana, you are real. Anyway, back to the story. We lost Bailey somewhere in the jimjubang and didn't reunite with her until about 3:00. In that time period, we ate pho for breakfast (lunch?) and then went to a pretty sweet little flea market. Our friend Nate, who is an absolute riot, was approached by some Evangelists who wanted him to come to their church. What I heard of his response was this: "I know that I am going to Hell. Me and a ton of beautiful, smart, cool people are running as fast as we can straight to Hell together. Together, but alone. I've accepted that. You will never see me at your church. You will never see me again." It was pretty awesome to witness, but still kind of funny that the Evangelist didn't really understand what he was saying and just gave him a flyer anyway.

Sunday was basically spent walking around Hongdae, drinking beers on the street and shopping. I think the theme of the weekend was, "Life is sooooo easy." It's true. Life is so easy and so good. The sun was out, it was warm enough and we were in good company in a huge, gigantic world city. I really couldn't complain. My ultimate analysis of Seoul is that it's exponentially cooler than Daegu. There's more art, more life, and more beauty there. I was kind of sad to go home, honestly. I feel like I have more friends in Seoul than in Daegu at this point.

I took the fast train, the KTX, home. It got me there in half the time as the slow train, but was twice as expensive. I talked to an American G.I. chick who was stationed in Daegu at Camp Walker. It was nice to get that perspective of how life goes in Korea.

Ok, I'm going to go to bed. I have open classes tomorrow, which should be full of excitement. Yay, Monday! I know you all love those!

Payday!

Check it:
I'm rich. I got paid, so now I'm swimming in money. Well, that's not true. I'm kind of rich. I mean, I'm a millionaire now. I get invited to fancy parties that take place on stunning skyscraper roofs where they serve cocktails on trays and go swimming in pools with their tuxedos on. I wanted to go out and spend a massive amount of money on a guitar, but ultimately, like this door:the path led to nowhere. I didn't get the guitar because I was indecisive by the time the shop closed. He had an American Standard Telecaster for 700,000 won. That's about $700, which isn't a bad price for an American Standard, but I tried to haggle with him. He wouldn't budge. "No discount. Store closing. 7:30." Man.

I'm still all torn up about it. It was a really sweet ax. I got to play it, and it just left me wanting more. It could be because I hadn't seriously played in so long, but I'd like to think it was love at first sight. But then when the time came to make a decision based on his non-haggling, I just kept thinking, well, I'll have to buy an amp and a strap and a case and blah blah blah, so it'll eventually be really expensive. I should just go in and buy it. I guess there's always next week.

And then, I was going to go to the art store to at least get a canvas and some paints, but of course it was closed by the time I passed by. I am chomping at the bit to get started on this painting, but I suppose it'll have to wait for next week.

In other news, I won't be able to update for a couple of days because I'm headed off to Seoul tomorrow after work for the weekend. I'll be able to update you on Sunday night or Monday. I know, if I had a virtual tissue I would lend it to you. It's going to be very sad for me, too. Trust me. I'll be crying in my beer as I hang out with all the people I haven't seen since orientation. It's going to be just a terrible, awful weekend. I suppose I'll base whether I can afford an ax on how much this weekend costs. I hear Seoul is not cheap. I hope it's not as bad as I fear. I'll let you know.